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12-06-2004, 04:14 | #1 |
pie crust
Join Date: Dec 2002
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From REAL High School Essays! Hahaha
This is the funniest thing I've ever read, and apparently it's real too. Taken from real high school essays:
High School Essays (Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays) 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it, and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch reed. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. 23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame - - maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. 28. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 29. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. 30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. |
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Monika | TatySite.net t.E.A.m. [ <3 ] [ 11 ] |
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12-06-2004, 04:29 | #2 | ||||
Участник
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ These must be real essay quotes, no one can possibly think these up on purpose! Queenie, thank you so much for these!! I'll give you reputation as soon as I can, cuz it says I need to spread around some more reputation before I get back to you... |
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12-06-2004, 04:33 | #3 | ||||
viva la scientology!
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: surrounded by lunatics!
Age: 39
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Posts: 1,228
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la profundidad. |
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12-06-2004, 04:37 | #4 | ||
Yearning
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LMAO QueenBee!!!! Where the heck did you find those?! I laughed *so* hard at some of them!!!
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Those were great QueenBee! Thanks for sharing! |
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12-06-2004, 07:45 | #5 | |
********
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12-06-2004, 09:17 | #6 | |
Новенький
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 37
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omg.. those are hilarious..
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but aye.. that's the quality of high school essays? that's just sad |
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12-06-2004, 10:55 | #7 | |||||
winter days ...
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: L WorLd
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i want to use this one on someone some day !!! =) |
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13-06-2004, 16:43 | #8 | |
Sad Little Monkey
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