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23-10-2003, 17:03 | #1 |
motylik
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Bloody hell
Bloody hell.
Everywhere I look. And in the middle there are you. Standing. Smiling. Time moves. Your smile made it halt, made it return. Safety. Again. Or is it just memory? Imagination? I cry silent bloody tears. My face is dirty. You don’t care. Strength. Is it strength? To stay? Or to walk away? Fascination. I watch, unmoving. You take your bow and arrow, preparing to shoot. And I smile, feeling joy creep up my veins. Smiling, I bleed from your last hit, wondering if you even notice. Pausing, smiling, you prepare to bring me to my knees. Noise. An arrow flying through air. You always hit your target, smiling you prepare to receive a new flood of blood from my heart. But my heart is still and I’m still standing. Smiling I turn around. Leaving you looking at the spot where I once stood. You’re staring at the dying shadow of our friendship. Listening to the silent echo of its sobbing. |
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"Asking the right questions will make all the doubts go away." ~ German teacher "Having the right doubts will make all the questions go away." ~ My best(est) friend ^^ |
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23-10-2003, 22:33 | #2 |
think again....
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bloody hell lena410...its nice...
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mY SITE |
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24-10-2003, 01:49 | #3 |
Участник
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: North Carolina USA
Age: 54
Posts: 786
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You know, now that I have reread these two poems, I think that I like this one better. Well....I think this one is better written. I like the fact that the other one ends on a slightly more hopeful note.
Both of these poems remind me of something I went through, when I was 16. (Yeah, *way* back then. LOL). You certainly know how to end your poems powerfully. The last two lines of this one really grab the reader. Parrish |
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26-10-2003, 20:59 | #4 |
motylik
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Thanks warx and parrish122 for your comments. *smile*
parrish122, I did think that you would be reminded of that..*sad smile* btw I love when you comment my writing. |
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"Asking the right questions will make all the doubts go away." ~ German teacher "Having the right doubts will make all the questions go away." ~ My best(est) friend ^^ |
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27-10-2003, 00:31 | #5 |
keep 'em guessing
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: guesswhere
Age: 37
Posts: 739
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wow, how captivating.
i can surely picture the entire scene. absoutely incredible! keep up the good writing. |
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