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11-10-2006, 21:02 | #41 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
Location: The Netherlands
Age: 37
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Thnx..
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27-10-2006, 22:00 | #42 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
Location: The Netherlands
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,321
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Open letter to Joost..
And I keep thinking about Mark when I saw him in the towncenter, and about Joost.. I don't know. I hate the guy who did it. I hate him I hate him I hate him. But I don't want to! Cuz a negative connection is also a connection. And I don't want that. I miss Joost so bad.. Louis asked if I wanted to go to querelle tonight, but I can't. Might sound stupid but, everything there, every fucking chair, centimeter on the dancfloor, doesnt matter what, reminds me of Joost and Mark and everything, all the times we were having fun there, every time we were dancing together. Every time he came to me with his puppyface and asked for money for a beer and asking if I might have a cig for you. He stole that puppylook frmo me. All the times I was dancing with Mark or Meine and that at once I felt a hand on my ass and turned around and saw you standing there, feeling locked out.and how I put my arms around your neck and took you with me on the dancfloor, how we drank a beer together and shared a cig and how we didnt let go of one another all through the night. All the times how i sat in your lap, tired from dancing, against the wall. your arms around my middle, my arms around your neck.i miss you so bad joost. and i can't believe it, i dont want to believe it. i want you to come back. to walk into querelle and be okay.. People have asked me if i want to celebrate christmas in querelle this year, like last year, but i dont think so. it will never be the way it used to be.. with you, ramon, nina, mark, meine, and amber.. so many things have happened this past year to our group, but this was def. the worst.. I remember so many things. so much things i couldnt remember, but i do now. the talks we´ve had at the lake, at the tapas restaurant, when you came to pick me up after school, every time in querelle. it must have been douzens of times, but right now it seems like one dark night, with some scary ending.. There are so many things i wish i would have told you.. so many things we wanted to do.. we had so many plans, so many things we were going to do together, where we wanted to go together. and I know.. your body is gone, but you´re still with me in my heart. you´re only truelly dead when everybody has forgotten about you, and we can never forget you.. therefor, you were too much one of our group, a part of us. and you still are. there is an empty spot in our middle, and nobody can handle that, or replace you. we miss you so bad.. we miss the boy who came to us whenever he saw us.. you never said a simple `hi` and walked on. No, you always came to us, hugged everyone, kissed the girls, and told us how much you cared about us, how we were never allowed to forget that, never allowed to forget how much you loved us. stupid, but whenever i think of that now, how you kept telling us that every time, it feels like you knew you´d leave at once. There are so many things we were going to do together Joost. We were going to Leiden or Utrecht this holiday, we were going to the lake one eve one of these days, to smoke a joint and watch the stars. You were going to play me a song on your guitar. But it's not going to happen. It will never ever happen.. You were only 22 for god's sake Joost! That's way too early to die! I don't want to lose any more friends to death. You'd think that after everyone it would've been enough, but no, you had to go too. I dont understand. Yeah, sometimes you had some extremistic idea's, but they were never in the way. You loved all your friends the way they were, and these kinds of things were never in between us. You were interested in my point of view, as I was in yours. We've had such great discussions.. I will miss them. I will miss your opinion. I will miss everything about you. I miss your arms around my middle, the way you hugged me and kissed my neck all the time, the ways you've tried to flirt with me, every time I saw you.. :P But it didn't always work out hahahaha.. It truelly was a game between you and me. I miss it boy! I miss it so bad! I miss your hugs and your conversations. I miss your eyes and I miss your kisses! I want another kiss Joost. I want a kiss, the kind of kiss only you could give.. Such an incredible sweet "You're a very special girl" kiss.. And a hug with that, and a hand that took my tears away when I couldnt handle things any more. And now they keep on flowing, but you're not here to kiss them away. Why not? Dear Joost, I don't know where you are now, but I hope, that whereever it might be, you're happy there.. Like you said once: "I think dying is worse for the ones left behind, than for the one who's dying". I don't know what you went through, but it's so bad for us Joost. It hurts so bad.. It's killing me, even my folks notice, and you know, they hardly notice negative things with me.. But they do now. I hardly sleep anymore, I hardly eat, I lose weight like crazy and look like a dead one.. Ain't it lovely..? But dear dear dear Joost.. I hope you're so happy, where ever you are, and I hope.. That you didn't suffer too much, and I hope you know we all miss you so bad and we love you like crazy.. And that, when I'm there where you are now, we're gonna party like hell, we're gonna have a great time. Dear Joost, I love you, and I miss you. And none of those will disappear soon. Probably never.. But I will survive this, I will get through. You know that too. But please know, that you'll have a place in my heart and in my head forever, and that I miss you so incredibly bad.. Dear Joost, sleep tight.. Kisses, Anne |
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28-10-2006, 02:57 | #43 |
forever yours...
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 35
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wow...thats great Winkie your very talented
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Lena's my angel....Julias my strength...gotta love t.a.t.u |
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28-10-2006, 12:28 | #44 |
Just me...
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Winkie, that's so beautiful and sad it actually made me cry a little. You've reminded me just how much I love my friends, so thank you for that I really hope things become at least a little easier for you soon. I don't really know you, but I know you'll be ok.
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28-10-2006, 15:31 | #45 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
Location: The Netherlands
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Thank you Kyro. I hope I can remind everyone of the fact that people who care about you are just too special to let go.. Just tell 'em how much you care, because you'll never know if you can tell them another time.. There might not always be a tomorrow..
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28-10-2006, 16:01 | #46 |
(in)dependent
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I don't think this will help whatsoever, but that made me cry. I just couldn't control it, I started crying for your letter, and then I kept on crying, no idea why.
Anyway... Anne, you're simply special. I can't help but really hoping you'll be fine... |
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28-10-2006, 16:34 | #47 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
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*hugs Katoren*
I will be fine, maybe not fine, but I'll be okay.. I won't let this destroy me.. We have to live on, even if it's just for Joost.. But it feels so bad.. I went out last night, to the café we always went to, and I talked to people.. So many memories.. So many people who cared.. So many thoughts. I can't even voice it.. We'll have a ceremony with all his friends, because there can't be a funeral.. Like a friend said: when you are waiting for news about one of your friends, every second seems like an eternity. and I think that's so true. When you care about someone, and there's something wrong with them, time seems to slow down and I feel like time hasn't even moved since the 3th of october |
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28-10-2006, 16:49 | #48 |
fancy topping
Join Date: May 2006
Location: france
Age: 38
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as I said last night, your letter is really moving
now I wanna say to every single friend I have that I care about them, show them how important they are for me *hugs you my lovely Anne* |
~~~~~~~~~~~
(\ /) ( . .) c('')('') "your love is enormous, it's lifting me up" Anaïs | Pie crust's lover | TatySite.net t.E.A.m. | [11] | [my fansite] |
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28-10-2006, 22:21 | #49 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
Location: The Netherlands
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Do just that.. Maybe it sounds stupid but let them know, doesnt matter if you tell them, show them, send them a card, just let them know somehow..
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07-11-2006, 20:46 | #50 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
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My eyes
I could still recall the moment I could still recall the day It was like nothing ever happened The moment you walked into my life But still it seems like a bad story When I tell you how my life has been About the abuse and the hurt About the bruises and the scars I'm not as old as you think I am I'm not as young as my face says I am I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am And I know that you think you know me But you don't know anything How can I ever tell you what happened With all those men with all those wounds? How can you ever deal with my past? How can these scars and wounds ever heal? I can't even imagine being here alive When all I used to want was die I'm not as old as you think I am I'm not as young as my face says I am I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am My eyes have seen way too much sorrow My eyes have watched just too much pain Sometimes I wish I could be blind and turn my eyes away I'm not as old as you think I am I'm not as young as my face says I am I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am I'm not as old as you think I am I'm not as young as my face says I am I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am ©Winkie |
Last edited by Winkie; 07-11-2006 at 21:01. |
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07-11-2006, 21:01 | #51 |
fancy topping
Join Date: May 2006
Location: france
Age: 38
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P.E.R.F.E.C.T as always
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~~~~~~~~~~~
(\ /) ( . .) c('')('') "your love is enormous, it's lifting me up" Anaïs | Pie crust's lover | TatySite.net t.E.A.m. | [11] | [my fansite] |
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07-11-2006, 21:06 | #52 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
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Thanks sweety
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27-11-2006, 19:11 | #53 |
Muero De Tuto
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OMG, they're so perfect... im in love with them!!!
Its Official... im Winkie's Fan Can u give me an autograph, please? |
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Lew Phreiser | I Love Pam | Julia Rulez | Rach's Fan [ djvolk@gmail.com ] | Tatu-World.Net You're The reason I Believe In Love You're The Answer To My Prayers From Up Above All We Need Is Just The Two Of Us My Dreams Came True Because Of You |
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27-11-2006, 19:18 | #54 | |
fancy topping
Join Date: May 2006
Location: france
Age: 38
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Posts: 2,782
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Quote:
Anne, je bent zo lief I love this sentence |
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~~~~~~~~~~~
(\ /) ( . .) c('')('') "your love is enormous, it's lifting me up" Anaïs | Pie crust's lover | TatySite.net t.E.A.m. | [11] | [my fansite] |
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09-12-2006, 22:59 | #55 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
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Awww *blushes*
Can I have my own fanclub too? (A) And DJ-Volk, I looove your signature, this part: I Will Make Me A Willow Cabin At Your Gate And Call Upon My Soul Within The House Lost & Delirious is the best movie ever and I love that part of it where Paulie says that before she jumps, so sad, so beautiful *cries* |
Last edited by Winkie; 09-12-2006 at 23:17. |
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09-12-2006, 23:04 | #56 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
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Ok trying to think of a new one
I can't I can't really tell Who I am these days I can't really know Why I feel this way I have to say I'm sorry For hurting ev'ryone I have to say I care Because somehow I still do But I hate myself And I hate my life And I hate my feelings And I hate these days And I feel like I should draw with blood And I feel like I should care way less And I feel like I should quit this life And I feel like I should stop right now But I know I know I can't I can't feel I can't go numb I want to feel ice I want to feel ice flow over my wrists But I can't I can't do anything Am I just another failure? Am I just another loser? And I can't tell you Just how much I care And I can't tell you Just how bad I feel And I can't I can't do anything right Cuz I can't I can't tell you who I truly am And I feel so bad For hurting you like I did And I feel so screwed You hurt me more than anyone else But I feel so good When I imagine you're here And I feel so bad When I wake up and my bed is empty And all the time I imagine you're here And all the time my bed stays empty And all the time I know you're with him But all these times I just want you here But you can't And I can't You're not here You don't care And I can't tell you just how much I care And you can't tell me cuz you don't care And I want to love kiss touch feel taste you right now But I can't I just can't see the truth ©Winkie Offtop: And Nais, this one was inspired by your userpic The "I can't see"-part.. Just wanted to let you know. |
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09-12-2006, 23:26 | #57 |
Redhaired poet
Join Date: May 2006
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Scars
And it's time to let you know To let you see who's really me And it's time to truly find out To watch and see me bleed Watch me bleed my love for you Cuz a scar's something that stays with you forever And a scar's something that says more than words can ever tell So now it's time to hide forever Time to run into the woods and change I have to save you and you're the only one The only one I ever truly loved Watch me bleed my love for you Cuz scars they never change They never fade away So now you lay beside me Dreaming watching never changing Life seemed so good those times But those times are slowly fading And a scar's the only souvenir I have And life is always changing And I feel I'm standing still Standing in the middle while the world just keeps on changing And a scar's the only thing that stays for ever So watch me bleed my love for you I'll scream to you no matter where you are And I will always find you And you can hide beside me for ever 'till eternity And now we'll stay together Nothing can change this moment And I will always find you And you can hide beside me for ever 'till eternity And we'll drown in an ocean filled with sorrow An ocean filled with tears But scars will always stay beside you They're the only thing you'll never lose ©Winkie |
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12-12-2006, 20:17 | #58 |
fancy topping
Join Date: May 2006
Location: france
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*faints*
best poems ever! and my avatar inspires you *blushes* hehe you rock babe and you know it!! about the autograph on my tummy : it rocks! I've got something to brag about |
~~~~~~~~~~~
(\ /) ( . .) c('')('') "your love is enormous, it's lifting me up" Anaïs | Pie crust's lover | TatySite.net t.E.A.m. | [11] | [my fansite] |
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14-12-2006, 12:54 | #59 |
Redhaired poet
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Good, glad it maked you happy hahaha..
And thanks |
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08-01-2007, 00:24 | #60 |
Redhaired poet
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I want to say that this is not my poem or song. This one is owned by the Goo Goo Dolls and the person who wrote it. But I'd like to post it here because I think it fits, because it was like "the song" of me and Joost, the guy I wrote a letter in this topic..
Goo Goo Dolls - Name And even though the moment passed me by I still can't turn away Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose Got tossed along the way And letters that you never meant to send Get lost or thrown away And now we're grown up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one That's a shame But if you could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell your name Scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far Did you lose yourself somewhere out there Did you get to be a star And don't it make you sad to know that life Is more than who we are You grew up way too fast And now there's nothing to believe And reruns all become our history A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell your name I think about you all the time But I don't need the same It's lonely where you are come back down And I won't tell your name It's been 3 months and 4 days and still no one knows where you are, but you are said to be dead. I miss you. |
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