[setsuna22]

Ivan turned around, finally facing Lena.

"After she got the tattoo she refused anyone from talking about you, or even mentioning your name. But, for months when she thought no one saw, she mourned you Lena. Two days ago, back in Vegas, was the first day I have seen the old Yulia in almost two years."

Lena didn't say anything as she sagged against the wall, as if the past two days had been pressing on her so hard that her body had finally just, physically, given out from under her.

"Do you still love her Lena?”

"Yes." the response was barely a whisper, so strained Ivan almost didn't know if he heard it. Ivan watched as the ice exterior melted away from Lena Katina.

~ The dream/memory of Yulia and Amara ~

Yulia listlessly pushed the clothes around on the rack. She wanted to pick out something for Lena. But nothing seemed right anymore. The tours and arguments had driven a wedge between them and Yulia wondered if Lena would even accept anything from her.
Amara came out of the dressing room in a short black dress.

"What do you think?"

Yulia looked her over still distracted. "It's great."

Some of the Amara's excitement was sucked from the air. "What’s wrong Yulia?"

Yulia shoved another hanger down the rod, almost violently.

"Lena and I had another fight last night."

"About what."

"Everything... nothing. It’s just that anything sets her off anymore. I'm the same way. It’s all this fucked up booking. Last night Lena was feeling sick and wanted to stay home from the Universal dinner party but Ivan told her we had to go so we went and when we got home—things just blew up I still don't even know what happened! I slept in the spare bedroom.”

"Again?"

Yulia only nodded, forcing herself to swallow the huge lump in her throat. God, She missed Lena. For two months, constant arguments had sent her into another room, or even to Amara's apartment. Things weren't supposed to be this way—she was married for Christ’s sake. She felt a pair of arms slide around her. She jumped as Amara's lips slowly brushed over hers. Yulia sighed and closed her eyes, seeing only what she wanted to see: Lena. The kiss continued for several seconds until a thought filtered into her mind—it didn't smell like lavender—the skin didn't feel like silk. She shoved the body away from her. What the hell was she doing?

"What the fuck was that Amara!" Yulia screamed.

Amara took a step towards Yulia who backed away. "I love you Yulia. I always have, and Lena that bitch doesn’t give a fuck!"

Yulia wanted to punch Amara. "She's my wife! I love her and only her! I gave her my heart when I was 15. My God, I was so fucking stupid, and Lena she saw this! She knew!"

Yulia felt as if she were seeing something, the full picture, for the first time.

"Please Yulia." Amara begged, "I love you."

"You don't love anything but yourself and what I can do or buy for you. If you gave a shit about me, you would know I would NEVER leave or give up Lena."

~ End ~

Lena watched as she saw Yulia thrash on the bed. She loved Yulia so much it almost killed her. She never imagined it would be deeper than it was two years ago. She held Yulia's hand.

"I love you Yule, It can never be like it was before—but I love you."

On the bed Yulia kept her eyes closed, feeling the tears gather under her eyelids. It could never be the same. Lena loved her—but not in the way she wanted her to. She almost sobbed. She refused to be selfish. She wouldn’t keep Lena tied to her like this, not when she didn't love her like Yulia did her. She felt destroyed—again. But she couldn’t let Lena be unhappy.

The silence said it all.

It was the next day and Yulia was sitting in bed, her body still bruised and her arm swollen from where it was twisted. Lena didn't understand any of this, what had changed? Why was Yulia behaving like this? She hadn't looked Lena in the eyes and, when Lena had gone to reach out for her she had drawn back abruptly.

"What's wrong?"

Yulia closed her eyes, her fingers twisting into the fabric of the quilt.

" I don't want to be with you anymore." Yulia managed to choke out, her tone flat as she finally meet Lena's gaze. Despite the hours of sleep, dark smudges stained below her eyes made her appear pale. Her eyes were dead.

Lena couldn't move. She was a statue as ice froze her veins, thickening and hardening, so she couldn't feel a heart beat. What was happening? It didn't make sense.

"Why?" Lena asked, her tone barely a whisper.

"I love you Lena, but things can never go back to the way they were—we’re both…different now. I don't want either of us to waste anymore of each other’s lives than we already have."

All Lena could do was stare. Oh god this wasn’t happening. It was final Yulia didn't want her. She closed her eyes. It was over. The two years she had spent alone was what she was going to be living like for the rest of her life. Lena didn't say another word as she got out of the chair and left the room thinking only one thing over and over in her head. "Yulia doesn’t love me anymore."

~ Two weeks later ~

Yulia sat behind the desk with her lawyer, Ivan sitting on the other side, as she held the pen clenched in her hand. She looked down at the papers before her that contained the terms of divorce. She couldn't bring herself to look at Lena who sat across the table from her. It hurt too much to breath. She closed her eyes and touched the pen to the paper telling herself she had to let Lena go—she couldn't keep her in a loveless marriage even though it would kill her to let her go. She sighed. On the papers, her pen leaked the blackness that was her signature—it might as well have been her blood. She dropped the pen and pushed the papers back to her lawyer.

All of them remained blank faced as she stared at the table in front of her. Repressing the urge to cry out and tell them that it was all just a big mistake, that she didn't want a divorce, and that Lena couldn't leave her; she remained silent;

Lena's lawyer handed her a pen. She could see the hands holding the pen as she read. Yulia made the mistake of looking up. Lena wasn’t reading she was looking at her. There was no expression in her blank silver eyes—no hate—no love—nothing. Lena's didn't hesitate as she signed her name in a beautiful cursive scrawl across the bottom of the page, below Yulia's.

It was done.

Ivan sighed as he stared out the window from the bed. Beeta curled up against him.
“Ivan, it’s over. There is nothing else we can do.” Ivan gave a grunt of reply. Beeta knew his unapproachable attitude; they had been married for ten years after all. It was one of the only things the press hadn’t been able to find out about Ivan or Beeta, who they were romantically involved with. That’s because there was no one—or so they thought. It was common for an assistant to meet with the Producer or Manager of Tatu.

“They both love each other, we know that. They are just too stupid to see that.” Ivan muttered as he ran a hand agitatedly through his short brown locks.

“There is nothing we can do except be there for them Ivan.”

He nodded once lost in thought. Trying in vein to stop the two people he loved most in life, maybe even more than Beeta, from destroying themselves. Besides being married to each other they had long ago agreed that Yulia and Lena came first in their hearts—even above themselves.

“How did we ever get this far? You touch my hand and start the car, and for the first time in my life I’m crying…”

Lena’s voice filled the empty apartment as Yulia took another swallow of the fiery liquid. The last resort. The one thing that made her feel something other than numbs. Yulia sat drunk on the bedroom floor, the huge photo album propped up in her lap. The album was filled with pictures of Lena and her. From their first concert to the Polaroids taken the day before the final fight. All neat and perfectly mounted. If only their life had stayed that way instead of decaying. No doubt Lena would be at her apartment across the city with her movie star boyfriend Yulia thought savagely. That wasn’t fair. Maybe she would go pay Lena a little visit just for old times sake. Half drunk, half insane with jealously, Yulia tugged on a jacket and stumbled from the door.

"I told you Mark I don't want to talk about it. It's over."

Lena was frustrated; as she talked to Mark on her cell phone she haphazardly threw things into bag, packing. She needed to escape and get away from Moscow for a while. For the first time in two years she was taking a break and she wasn’t going to think about her career or most of all, not think about the bad direction her life had gone in. She couldn't stand to be in the city that had meant so much to her and Yulia. It was at Eurovision that things had started to crack, when they had gone outside themselves and done something for their country.

"Lena, are you listening to me?" Mark's voice grated on her nerves, she couldn't deal with this anymore.

"No Mark, I'm not!" She clicked the mobile phone shut with annoyance and turned it off before she turned back to her packing. She pushed clothes around on the bed, knocking a small jewelry case over in the process. Lena paused and became very still when she picked up the gold band in her thumb and forefinger. Her wedding ring. Her fist closed around it. She had only taken it off the day before yesterday but already the slight tan line she had was fading. She pushed the ring back onto her finger. She couldn't live with out it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. There was a loud pounding at the front door that jolted Lena from her trail of thoughts.

"What the hell?"

Still wondering whom it could be, she went down the stairs to the front door. The knocking continued and only persisted to get louder.

"Knock it the fuck off!" She yelled as she jerked the door open

"What the hell is your problem can't you—?” She gasped. Yulia was standing before her soaking wet, her sodden coat wrapped around her tiny frame making her look even smaller. She was shivering and her lips were blue. In her left hand were the remains of a half empty vodka bottle.

"Oh my god, Yulia! What are you doing here?" Yulia didn't reply as she walked into the apartment swaying slightly.

"Where is the bastard?" Her speech was slurred as she looked around the almost sterile apartment.

"Who the hell are you talking about?"

"Marky fucking Mark!" Yulia spat as she started through the kitchen and into the living room, stopping several times to yank a linen or coat closet open.

"Ohh Marky... come out..."

Lena closed her eyes feeling like a knife had been budged into her chest.

"God, not again. Please God." She begged to herself as she followed Yulia. She couldn’t go on like this.

"Lena?"

She stopped when she heard the sane un-drunk Yulia. She looked her ex-lover in the eye trying not to show how much it hurt her to even breath when she was around. As quick as the sober moment came, it passed and Yulia fell into Lena's arms with a drunken shrill-giggle locking her hands around her neck.

"Lena, you’re mine."

Lena felt her heart beginning to fray. "No I'm not Yulia. We’re divorced. I don't belong to anyone." The words were hallow, not anything that she was proud of.

"Yes you are!" Yulia squeezed Lena's shoulders, hurting her in her drunken stupor.

"I'm not yours Yulia!" Lena was almost sobbing now "You don't even know me—how can you love me?"

A burning look came into Yulia's eyes as she pulled Lena roughly against her, her tone starting harsh in Lena's ear, almost a growl.

" I know you Lena. I have known you and learned everything about you from that first moment we met. I know you’re romantic and funny. That you hate people who are jackasses, and you hate white chocolate. I know that you once loved me..." Her tone dropped to a soft whisper, Yulia's vocals strained. "Just like I loved you, and still love you. That is what makes you mine."

Lena felt the salt of her tears burning her sensitive skin as they coated her face and dripped onto Yulia's bare shoulders. Why! Why did she have to tell her this drunk? Lena wished so badly for Yulia’s words to be true. While in her heart she knew that when morning came this night would be nothing more than a regret for Yulia. But, she had to take her last moments. The last hours she would ever get to be with Yulia and not be something she remembered as a fucked up past.

Carefully Lena helped a swaying Yulia to her room. By the time she had reached the end of her bed Yulia's lips were blue and her teeth were chattering.

"We have to get you out of these wet clothes."

Yulia grinned. "Wow. It's been a while since you have been that eager."

Lena ignored her as she started to undo the buttons on Yulia's jacket, whose own fingers were too frozen and stiff to do it.

"Lena?"

She didn't reply as she helped Yulia shrug out of the coat.

"Lena?"
Yulia reached out to catch Lena's hand. She jerked back as if she had been scalded, but Yulia was too fast as she reached out and grabbed her hand, staring at the small gold band.

"Let me go." Lena's voice was strained.

Yulia tried to comprehend what this meant, her head still clouded with the alcohol stupor. Why was she still wearing the ring? They had been divorced for two weeks. She looked at Lena's bowed head and felt a sharp pain tear into the pit of her stomach. "She still loves me."

"Let me go." Lena's voice was soft, almost pleading. There was another long silence as things began to connect in Yulia's brain.

"Please Yulia, for God's sake just let me go."

"No."

Lena lifted her head and stared at Yulia.

"I know you still love me. I am not letting you go. Not now, not ever." As she spoke her hands clenched harder around Lena's who gave a soft squeeze back. They had lost two years of their life not living and they had almost lost their second chance. Both took a deep shuttering breath, as they were able to breath in each other’s arms for the first time in two years. Their mouths slowly melted together and everything but this kiss, slid into the forgotten past.