[setsuna22]

When they arrived at the airport in Moscow everything changed. Lena became stiff and quiet as Yulia tried to hug her.

The crew gave each girl a few minutes in the bathroom to freshen up. Yulia sat down to wait for Lena. Upon standing, she bumped Lena's bag off the seat and a bottle of pills went rolling across the floor. Yulia picked them up and stared at the brown and white prescription bottle. Her hands clenched around it.

"She has been having a lot of problems with nerves lately." Beeta said quietly coming up beside Yulia and taking the bottle gently from her grasp, placing it back in the bag.

"How long has she been on the pills?" Yulia croaked.

"Only about three months. Before that it was worse. She went to Odessa and stayed in the country house for two weeks before I found her. She didn't even tell anyone where she was going, she just left."

Yulia paled. Lena had never been irresponsible. She was always the dependable silent-rock type.

"Is she going to be okay?"

Beeta gave Yulia a gentle smile.

"She will be."

The conversation went silent as Lena came out of the bathroom.

Leaving the airport was hell as Lena and Yulia walked out side by side. Not holding hands but smiling and waving to the cameras that clicked and flashed madly as they passed by. Russia's favorite girls where back together.

Lena slid into the limo and, feeling as if her smile was going to crack, sat down and grabbed the remote; Yulia followed. Ivan and Beeta settled themselves into their seats while Lena flipped on the TV and gasped in horror. It was a live feed? They were filming Lena and Yulia as the left the airport. God, didn't five million people in this city have better things to do than worry about the ex-Tatu. Ivan was grinning as Lena flipped through the stations and found herself on 6 out of 11. She flipped off the TV in disgust and sat back, feeling too closed in as Yulia's warm body press against hers. She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the glass of the window. God, last night had been a mistake. The only thing it had done was drag up a past that was better off left buried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don’t know what you want from me" Lena replied coldly as they sat in the apartment.

She hated being here. She hated this room. Why Yulia had even kept it, she didn't know. The apartment obviously hadn't been used since they both walked out, but it had been cleaned and tended to nonetheless, as if waiting two years for its occupants to return.

Yulia took another drag of her cigarette and inhaled—it was her third one in five minutes.
Lena leaned across the table and yanked the tobacco-filled-stick from the corner of her gloss-covered mouth. Stabbing the embers out on the table in front of her.

"If you keep this shit up you’re going to kill yourself."

Yulia didn't reply.

"Lets get one thing straight, if I am going to live in this apartment with you until the divorce can be arranged and the media storm dies down, there will be no smoking in the apartment."

Yulia felt her temperature rise with annoyance.

"What, we’re married a day and already you’re dictating to me? Ahh yes, now I remember why I left!"

Lena paled, reacting as if Yulia had slapped her. The moment she said the words, Yulia had regretted them. The look of defiance that had been in Lena's face moments before was replaced with pure hurt—even through she tried to disguise it. Yulia knew Lena's reactions all to well as her breathing became shallow and her eyes closed, breathing to control her emotions as she always had. Yulia reached out to touch Lena's hand. She jerked back as if she had been scalded.

"Don't touch me." Her words were brittle as if they would break any minute. She stalked down the hall slamming the door behind her as she went. Yulia stared at the floor, wanting to sink into it.

Lena popped the white lid off the bottle and put two small white tablets into her mouth, taking several swallows of water to wash them down. Setting the glass down she walked across the room to the long windows. She pressed her forehead against the glass, as a tear strayed down her face. She didn't know how to deal with the weight compressing her heart. She had been living. She would have been okay… if she hadn’t had seen Yulia again.

Both Lena and Yulia spent cold sleepless nights in their expensive beds. When Lena did not emerge from the spare guest bedroom by 1:00 AM, Yulia finally gave up and climbed in between the sheets of her own bed.

By 6:00 both girls were up. Even though Lena was still in the other room, Yulia heard the water turn on for a good forty five minutes, and the soft drone of a blow dryer shortly after. Yulia had taken a quick shower, dressed, and then went to sit on the living room couch, to wait for Lena.

The rain pelted heavily upon the windows that framed the front of their apartment, casting long gray shadows across the floor. When Lena emerged from her room it was close to 8:00. Ivan was going to pick them up in less than ten minutes.

"We need to talk."

Lena didn't respond as she yanked the refrigerator door open angrily and took out a jug of orange juice.

"Lena?"

" I heard you Yulia." Lena snapped slamming the jug down on the counter making the contents of the jug explodes within itself.

"I always hear you. I don't have five minutes when I'm NOT hearing you."

Yulia got up, pushing her hands into the front of her jean pockets. "Why are you acting like such a bitch? I just want to talk to you."

"Because Yulia there is nothing to talk about!" She left the juice sitting on the counter, not even bothering to put it away before she went to the door and yanked off her new denim jacket, shoving her arms into the sleeves." Can we please go down stairs so we can get this fucking over with?" She opened the door and started down the hallway, not even waiting for a response.

Counting to 10 and then to 20, Yulia put the juice back in the refrigerator and gathered her purse and keys, following Lena out into the hallway. The stairs were slippery with the wet shoes that people had been tromping in and out with all morning. They started to head down the stairs when Lena and Yulia cell phones started to ring simultaneously. They eyed one another wearily and took out their phones. It was Ivan and Beeta on a three-way call. Before either could say "Hello" Ivan's voice shot down the line.

"Girls I'm going to have to cancel the meeting for today, I got a call from Universal and I can't miss their meeting, and Beeta is coming with me. So, we will have to do it later tonight or in the morning."

"Tonight!" Both Yulia and Lena said at once. There was a long pause on the other end of the phone.

"Okay then. See you tonight." The phone line went dead.

"I'm going back to my room." Lena went walking around Yulia and headed back up the long fight of stairs.

"Lena?" The voice was pleading.

"What Yulia?" Lena asked her voice no longer hostile but, simply weary.

"Can we please talk?"

Lena nodded once and turned around heading up to the apartment. Yulia moved to climb up the next step when her heavy soled boot slid under her, on the rubber-coated stair. Her scream knocked terror into Lena as she turned around and watched as Yulia fell and plummeted down the flight of stairs.

Lena couldn't breath.

She watched as the old doctor prodded and poked at Yulia. She looked so small, in the huge king size bed, amid the huge pillows and blankets. Lena closed her eyes and remembered the first terrifying seconds after her fall. She had run down the stairs to floor next to where Yulia lay, un-moving. And for a few seconds then, her life stopped around her, until she noticed that Yulia was breathing.

Lena watched from the other side of the bed as the doctor lifted one of Yulia's silken limbs from under the sheet and slowly inspected her from ankle to thigh. Her eyes lingered at the top of Yulia's hipbone, on a tattoo she had never see before.

She muttered an excuse incoherently to the doctor and made her way out of the room to where Ivan and Beeta were waiting in the living room. Ivan and Beeta looked at her in alarm. Her dark hair hung limp and almost straight around her face, her gray eyes almost black.

"When did she get it?"

Ivan sighed and got up from the couch, rubbing the kink from his neck, trying to stall for time.

"When, Ivan?" Lena pressed again.

"Two days after you and she had the argument."

Lena closed her eyes and took a ragged breath. Yulia had still loved her then. But what about now? God, why had she shut her out last night and this morning? She had wanted to talk.

"Were you with her Ivan?"
He nodded his head, glancing out the window. He remembered that day more than perfectly.

~ Flashback ~

The tattoo parlor wasn’t like the place Yulia had gotten her other two. It was in a dark old building with ratty stools and pictures of sample tattoos taped to the wall.

"Yulia, are you sure you want to do this?"

Yulia ignored him. She hadn't wanted to bring Ivan. This was something she had wanted to do by herself; she had wanted to deal with her pain in a physical way. She had to find a way to release some of the pressure in her body or she was going to break down.

The man sitting behind the desk looked up from his TV. Yulia pulled a piece of paper from her pocket and threw it in front of him.

"Can you do this?"

The man slowly unfolded the notebook paper and looked at the Arabic letters. Arched and simple.

"What does it mean?"

"Does it matter?" Yulia asked tersely.

"It does if you want me to do it." The man replied more than a little curious to why this girl was coming to this place.

" It's my wife's name alright! Lena Katina Volkova."

The man's eyes widened but he merely nodded and stood up, motioning for Yulia to follow. Who was he to judge a person's motives? Ivan moved to follow too but Yulia shook her head.

"Wait here Ivan." Her voice frightened him by the lack of emotion, lack of warmth. He was so used to her playful, smart-ass personality that it was frightening to see her this restrained. Back in the next room, Yulia pulled her jeans down over her hips and turned onto her side. The droning and buzzing of the tattoo machine whirled in her ears as she closed her eyes, and the familiar burning sensation etched into her skin. It was raw and painful but at least Yulia was feeling again.

~ End flashback ~