The Bible is SO out of date

[ypsidan04]

Some guy named John Wesley Asquith posted this to the alt.politics newsgroup. I thought I'd share since it's pretty good at pointing out other inconsistencies between old religion and new religion.


Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a conservative U.S. radio personality who
dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently,
she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under
any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura.
__________

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem
is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle
room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden /by
Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan.

****


The point is, take religious dogma with a grain of salt. It's funny how Ultra-Christians choose to stand by parts of the Bible they like (Leviticus 18:22), and ignore other parts.

[crni]

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?
10. He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)?

LOL, ypsidan04, that letter is hilarious

[QueenBee]

Hahahaha thanks alot! That was so funny I wonder what the response was..

[thegurgi]

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Yes? Why CAN'T I own a Canadian.... ???

[Mossopp]

Oh Lordy! I eat shellfish and I'm a homosexual. I truly am damned for all eternity!

[Kappa]

Mossopp, there, there, my friend. We'll go hand in hand... all of the forum will.

[shizzo]

Trust me, kids - homosexuality ain't no sin.

Confide in Papa Lo', he'll keep y'all's damned souls safe.

[In all honesty, I think it's just illogical and mindless to not
realize that immorality was acceptable at the times when the
Bible was written. And since homosexuality occurs naturally
in biological life and hasn't been wiped out by evolution, I
doubt that the everloving God depicted in the Bible would
purposely implant potential sin in any person.]





... but in the rare event that most of us on this forum DO end
up in a fiery wagon on our way to Hell, I'll bring the soft drinks
and nachos. ;-)

And cirrus, I'll save you a seat beside me.



You gay bitch.

[ypsidan04]

Originally posted by Mossopp
Oh Lordy! I eat shellfish and I'm a homosexual. I truly am damned for all eternity!

I hope you don't wear cotton and polyester at the same time too!

Originally posted by cniaju
[BI doubt that the everloving God depicted in the Bible would
purposely implant potential sin in any person. [/b]

Now let me preface this by saying I agree with your basic point, but that's not such a good statement to support it.

Assuming you believe in Creation in the first place (which I don't - I have a Darwin fish on my car), if God did not create people who would grow up to be sinners, then we wouldn't have murderers, thiefs, or adulterers.

[shizzo]

Posted by ypsidan04 :
if God did not create people who would grow up to be
sinners, then we wouldn't have murderers, thiefs, or
adulterers.

The Bible teaches that God's love is endless. Most people who
are against homosexuality still confide in this belief. However,
it's a simple twist of logic, not a reflection of what I myself
think about this topic, which provided the basis to my comment.

Granted, my opinion can be derived from the statement itself -
but no, my actual beliefs weren't outlined in the comment.

In any case, I've drunken too much MelloYello tonight to be
taken word-for-word on any of my comments. :P

[piojita]

"Have you read the Bible cover to cover?" Actually, I have, and the hypocrite who asks such a question obviously hasn't, because the Bible is full of dreadful stories about genocide, murder, adultery, incest, deceit, greed, arrogance, megalomania, sexual perversion, and all sorts of despicable behavior. On second thought, perhaps the people who ask such a question HAVE read the Bible, as we are sure it creates dementia.

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