Amusing Lyrics Club!

[madeldoe]

i actually liked this song..but the vid was a lil to risque for my tastes

Closer - Nine Inch Nails

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me Ive got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive

[taty994945]

Chocolate Salty Balls

Two tablespoon's of cinnamon,
and two or three egg whites.
A half a stick of butter. Melted
stick it all in a bowl baby.
Stir it with a wooden spoon.
Mix in a cup of flour,
you'll be in heaven soon.

Say everybody have you seen my balls
they're big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick me up
just stick my balls in your mouth.

Oooo suck on my chocolate salted balls
stick em in your mouth, and suck em!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls,
they're packed full of vitamins, and good for you.
So suck on my balls.

Quarter cup of unsweeten chocolate,
and a half a cup of brandy.
You throw in a bag or two of sugar
and just a pinch of vanilla.
Grease up the cookie sheet.
Cause I hate when my balls stick.
Then preheat the oven to three fifty
and give that spoon a lick

Say everybody have you seen my balls
they're big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick me up
just stick my balls in your mouth.

Suck on my chocolate salted balls.
Put em in your mouth, and suck em!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls,
there packed full of goodness, high in fiber.
Suck on my balls.

[sniff, sniff, sniff]
Hey, wait a minute.
What's that smell.
Smell like something burning.
Well that don't confront me none.
Long as I get my rent paid on Friday.
Baby you better get back in the kitchen.
Cause I got a sneak'n suspicion.
Oh man baby, baby!
You just burned my balls!
Help me, my balls on fire baby
my balls are burning
give me some water!
Pour some water on me!
my balls are burning
oh my goodness,
I'm blow'n
I'm blow'n
do somethin

Oooo Suck on my chocolate salted balls.
Put em in your mouth, and suck em!
They're on fire baby!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls,
put em out baby, blow
ohh
Suck on my balls baby
Suck on my balls baby
Suck on my, red hot, salted, chocolate balls
come on baby
woo, woo
suck on my balls.
[blow blow]

[Mossopp]

'Parental Guidance' - by Violent Delight

Well I say, Well I say one thing
And then it ends up another
And I can’t be bothered
Cause today, Well it could be the first
But then it could be the worst
Cause I heard my parents f*cking

I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Bet you don’t know what your parents do
Oh-o-oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Everyone knows that their parents screw

Late one night, woke up to get some water
But I heard my parents trying for another daughter
Didn’t think my Dad could still get it up
But from the noises they were making someone was sure getting f*cked

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what’s wrong with you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's nothing new
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Gran likes it too!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, When I’m that old I’m gonna do it too!

When I was watching the telly
I looked up at Dad’s shelf and saw some KY Jelly
Well the thoughts, well they weren’t a lot fun
When you get the funny feeling mummy takes it up the bum.

Well I guess, It’s cause of I’m them I’m here
But before I go on, I should make one thing clear
How could they ever put me through this
Cause seeing your parents f*cking is worse than drinking piss

And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Bet you don’t know what your parents do
Oh-o-oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Everyone knows that their parents screw

[kishkash]

Are there any Primus fans out there?

Yah some of their songs are alright...their lyrics are whacked :P

[freddie]

I actualy wanted to post this in the begining of the lonely hearts thread but I decided against it. This is a better opportunity for it I think.
Lets just say that this song made me laugh in the time when I was very, very sad.

She Has A Girlfriend Now - Reel Big Fish

She has a girlfriend now
She has a girlfriend now
She has a girlfriend now, she said
"guys don't do no more for me"

"you never loved me, like i wanted you to"
"i loved you baby, what do you want me to do?"

She said she found someone who's gonna hold her hand
She said she found someone who's gonna understand
She don't need nobody to be her man
She don't need nobody to be her man

I never thought it would end like this
Just because i've got no tits
I'll shave my legs,
I'll wear a bra
I'll even cut my penis
Off for you...
She has a
Girlfriend
Now.

[LenochkaO]

Originally posted by Tom Violence
Chris T-T - 'Can't Stop Dreaming of Injured Pop-Stars'
Cliff Richard is nailed to a cross
...
All around Wales the bands are on fire
As the flames lick higher they run from their homes
It only took one match to burn down Kelly Jones

Best lines of the song IMHO Thanks for that, Tom

[shizzo]

Gay - Stephen Lynch

Here we are, dear old friend
You and I, drunk again
Laughs have been had, and tears have been shed
Maybe the whiskey's gone to my head

But if I were gay
I would give you my heart
And if I were gay
You'd be my work of art
And if I were gay
We should swim in romance
But I'm not gay
So get your hand outta my pants

It's not that I don't care - I do
I just don't see myself in you
Another time, another scene
I'd be right behind you
If you know what I mean 'cos

If I were gay
I would give you my soul
And if I were gay
I would give you my whole - being
And if I were gay
We would tear down the walls
But I'm not gay
So won't you stop cupping my... hand

We've never hugged,
We've never kissed,
I've never been intimate with your fist
But you have opened brand new doors
Get over here and drop... your... drawers.

- - - - -

Hermaphrodite - also by Stephen Lynch

She's part girl, she's part boy
She's got parts everyone can enjoy
She's got more, she's got less
She's got her manhood tucked in her dress

Is she a mister or is she a miss?
Does she stand up when she's taking a piss?
She's my little girl, yeah, she's my little guy
When I try to please her, I get poked in the eye

She wears lace and she wears flannel
She watches football and the lifetime channel
What's that bulge under her nightie?
It must be Hermaphrodite

Some things are white, some things are black -
Some girls where makeup, mine shaves her back
But she is still beautiful, she is still fine
It's too bad her package is bigger than mine

She can't help her imperfections
She gets jock itch from her yeast infection
Who stole all my tightie whities?
It must be Hermaphrodite

- - - - -

Special Ed - and still, Stephen Lynch

When I was a boy of ten, I had a very best friend
Ed was kind, with good intent
But just a little different

Oh, Special Ed, Mamma dropped him on his head
Now he's not so bright, instead
He's a little bit special, just a little bit special

We'd play tag, and he'd get hurt
I'd play soldier, he'd eat dirt
I liked math and the spelling bee
Ed like talking to a tree

Oh, Special Ed, Mamma dropped him on his head
Now she keeps him in the shed
'Cos he's a little bit special, just a little bit special

I ran track, hung out in malls
Ed ran headfirst into walls
I had girls and lots of clothes
Ed had names for all his toes

Oh, Special Ed, Mamma dropped him on his head
Now he thinks he's a piece of bread
'Cos he's a little bit special, just a little bit special

One day talking to Special Ed,
He grabbed a brick and he swung at my head
And as he laughed at me, that's when I knew
That Special Ed'd just made me special, too

Now I laugh as I count bugs
I give strangers great big hugs
Next to me, Ed is fine
Yeah, he's a fuckin' Einstein

Special Ed - and me,
Now we're not right in the head - you see,
Now we're not so bright, instead
We're a little bit special, just a little bit special,
That fucker Ed made me special,
Just a little bit...
Just a little bit... special.



// Loki

[Mossopp]

'Transmission' - by Violent Delight

On the street late at night,
Short skirt, skin tight
"What you want?" she said
"Ten quid"...money spent,
Trousers down in the dark,
Caught a feel of something hard.
"What's that" I didn't say,
I carried on anyway...

Every weekend is the same, over and over again,
On the streets and in the alleys
Will I never ever learn? Although I'm always getting burned,
Why do I end up with a tranny?

After that, I'm high, having such a good time,
I think I've scored til I find,
A little bulge between the thighs.
Two balls, fake boobs, I've made a wrong move
She says "Goodbye" and I've done another guy...

Every weekend is the same, over and over again,
On the streets and in the alleys
Will I never ever learn? Although I'm always getting burned,
Why do I end up with a tranny?

It's over now, he's gone.
But is it really that wrong?
I guess it's hard to admit,
That I'm quite into dick.
Does it mean that I'm gay?
I don't care either way.
Real girls are hard to find,
If he can do it, so can I.

[freddie]

Bobby Brown - Frank Zappa

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n' I'm
actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n' maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n' be real rich

(get a good
get a good
get a good
get a good job)

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say "when"
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady...I don't know which

(I wonder wonder
wonder wonder)

So I went out 'n' bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is
Watch me now, I'm goin down,
And my name is
Watch me now, I'm goin down, etc.

[Mossopp]

'Hell Yeah' - by The Bloodhound Gang

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T. V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea
If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus, thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do

Heavens no
Hell yeah!

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing
If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip - Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin, thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do

Heavens no
Hell yeah!

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus, that should throw them off
He goes by the name 'Hey-soos' and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus, can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T - shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God

So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H - E - Double - Hockey - Sticks
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self - esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God.

[febrika]

Cleopatra's Cat -- Spin Doctors

Cleopatra’s favorite cat
Got his hands on caesar’s spats
The heat was on as you could see
So he front ’em to mark antony.
Said, "my girlfriend’s cat is smarter than me."

Caesar had an eye for clothes
He saw them spats and said, "i like those."
Caesar had no thing to say, except,
"jesu christi domine,
Et tu, brute,
Jesu christi domine,
Et tu, brute."

The senate tried to sympathize
It was the cat they should despise
Informant told his whereabouts
Centurions to seek him out

Centurions! there go the centurions.

Brutus had to turn his head
When this cat done went and said,
"if he’s got this thing for shoes,
He just might be ambitious, too.
They got holidays all in his name,
And all a tyrant needs is fame.
Those fascists don’t play pretty games
Egypt is the place to be...
But rome is a democracy.
Rome!"

Caesar never got them back
’cause they killed his ass in the second act.
Brutus spoke, then antony:
Said, "my girlfriend’s cat is smarter than me.
Friends, romans, can’t you see
My girlfriend’s cat is smarter than me
Egypt’s biggest rivalry:
Cleopatra’s cat and me."

[Mossopp]

‘Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me’ – by The Bloodhound Gang

The morn' that I was born my old man beat up the doctor
He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca
The doctor said sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me
I did not mean your lovely wife was shackin' up with a wookie
What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son
He's looks like Chewie Baba Booey Baba Booey and Hong Kong Phooey all in one
To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu lookin'
I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cookin'

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne”
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983”
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause you got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee”
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby”

Why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Always pickin' and rippin' apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali
I got a schnoz like the 'Cos' but there's a lot more wrong with you
So back me up Bill
“yea and you're ugly too!”
So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese
Or where a fish net shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valenti jeans
And my mirror never lies but it always verifies
I got more cheese and pepperoni than a homemade pizza pie
You compare me to a Monchichi but I don't understand
Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed like the Elephant Man
And yea I took my mom to the prom but hey she asked me first
But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse
About as popular with the girls with Englebert Humperdink
And that might be 'cause everybody calls me ‘Shrinky Dink’
I know I'm known as Polaroid I'm not a total retard
It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties”
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause you run like a girl and sit down to pee”
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady”
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”You took your mom to the prom but still got lucky”

Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased
And he breaks into the Professor's lab and makes some LSD
Peaks freaks and eats the Skipper's brains then beats Ginger with coconuts
As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside their grass hut
Oh he'll kill again that Gilligan they he should of let him be
And like a postal clerk I'll go beserk if you don't stop teasing me
See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm
Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
”Cause no one likes you monkey boy!”

[febrika]

Spaceman -- Babylon Zoo

Pungent smells
They consummante my home
Beyond the blackhorizon
Trying to take control
See my girl
She shivers in her bones
The sun and zenith rising
Trying to take us all

There's a fire between us
So where is your god
There's a fire between us
I can't get off the carousel,
I can't get off the carousel,
I can't get off the carousel,
I can't get off this world

This sickening taste
Homophobic jokes
Images of fascist votes
Beam me up, 'Cause I can't breath

Spaceman,
I always wanted you to go,
Into Space man
(Intergalacticchrist)

It's time to terminate
The great white world
Morbid fascinations television
Takes control
Decimation different races fall
Electronic information,
Tampers with your soul
The sun and zenith rising
Trying to take us

There's a fire between us
So where is your god
There's a fire between us
I can't get off the carousel,
I can't get off the carousel,
I can't get off the carousel,
I can't get off this world

This sickening taste
Homophobic jokes
Images of fascist votes
Beam me up, 'Cause I can't breath.

Spaceman,
I always wanted you to go,
Into Space man
(Intergalacticchrist) !