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24-03-2003, 22:02 | #1 |
malinky's
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Gender: Female
Posts: 191
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No Title
Okay, since no tomatoes were hurled my way on my last poem posting(and some recent praise. darje-did you have something to do with that?), here's another. Doesn't have a title. I'm awful with titles.
Why do I embarrass you so? What makes you cringe when others meet me? What have I done to inspire this contempt? Love you? Care for you? Want the best for you? I realize I am not the smartest, The most polished, The funniest, But I love you. Does that not count? You make me feel less. You make me feel small. You make me feel I should be ashamed of who I am. But still, I love you. There is a connection between us, Something that others do not see; Something that you ignore, Avoid, Run from. Am I wrong to want you to care? Am I wrong to want to be appreciated? Am I wrong to want you to treat me as I do you? I will keep hanging on; Being your friend, Always there. But will I ever know, If I am anything more Than your bone and flesh crutch? Side note: Both poems are from a few years ago and I generally only write when depressed or angry. |
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"Caterpillars turn into rare butterflies..." ~Chantal Kreviazuk~ |
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24-03-2003, 22:09 | #2 |
Бессмертный ангел
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: London UK Wandsworth
Gender: Male
Posts: 188
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I generally only write when depressed or angry
Your poem is so sweet..... and innocent.
and............ you always have to say to Her that you feel to make sure she does know everything - its how all will merge in harmony....... |
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25-03-2003, 07:18 | #3 |
Harrumph.
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: 忍者村
Posts: 3,272
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Very nice, youngling. ^_^ (Now, we studied this before, what does this face stand for?)
I find this one very expressive. It's almost like you're completely baring your love for the other to see that you hurt from her lack of care... (well, I'm ranting, you know me) |
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25-03-2003, 18:43 | #4 |
shit happens :D
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wow...its cool...
very deep...you can feel the desperation, and the sadness... congratulations!
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26-03-2003, 15:02 | #5 |
malinky's
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Gender: Female
Posts: 191
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Thanks to narayana, darje, and karxwp for the feedback! I really do appreciate it. I'm glad that others can get some meaning out of what I write.
and darje I think it's a happy face, but you know I am memory challenged, you ranter! lol |
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"Caterpillars turn into rare butterflies..." ~Chantal Kreviazuk~ |
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26-03-2003, 19:58 | #6 |
I'm a Dust Bunny!
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Montréal, Canada
Posts: 2,729
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The use of repetition is nicely balanced out with the subsequent oppositions. And all the questioning gives a nice tone to the resignation that seems unwanted but nonetheless forced into existence. Simple and to the point without blatantly saying so. Nice. ^_^ <-- I obviously use this "emoticon" as well. Yay for anime. ^.^
~Echo. |
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Quietly weaving, Tiredly leaving, Another today, Again tomorrow Together dismay, And raining sorrow. Le noir, la gloire... On se demande bien. Mais comm' je t'adore, lorsque je m'endors... |
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