untitled (for the moment, i'll think of something later) -poem-

[amikana]

watch me -
as i swirl about
in this cloud of confusion
drawing the hapless to me
with my pointless rambling.
little do they know
the harm they may encounter
while entangled with me -
for i can trap all
even the unknowing
and mold them into
my fog of fucked up feelings.
beware my rambling -
do not take heed of what i may or may not say,
don't read too far into me
i'm not that deep.
i'm as obvious as they come
but *you'd* never know that, would *you*?
if only i had the strength
to convert *you* from the unknowing -
but there's too many other pieces of the puzzle,
other fragments to my broken world.
i just can't risk trying to reconstruct a part of me
when i know it will cause the rest to crash down.
so watch me now -
as i continue to swirl about
heavy-hearted and haunted
in my haven of hazy emotions,
yet torturously translucent -
unwillingly open to those who wished to see.
all *you'd* have to do is open *your* eyes
and look past my flimsy attempt at hiding
to see what *you* must have guessed lies within.

i was rambling earlier this morning in response to some stuff that's been going on lately with me. i won't go into detail, just that the 'you' in my poem, isn't aimed at my g/f but at my best friend, the girl i've been in love with for almost three years now and who hasn't got a clue. [rolls eyes] if for some odd reason you want more backstory, go to my lj *see sig for address*
anyway though, that's that. if you like it cool if not, that's alright too. either way, leave me something!

amikana

[denial]

amikana, I like your writing .. I think its sound angry and you giving warning ...but still I like the words you chose ...and they are orange..

You have a gf and you're in love with your best friend?

[prostrel]

I like your "rambling" amikana . Three years in a one-way "affair", it`s a long time...

[amikana]

i know, denial - odd isn't it?

like i said, i've loved my best friend for three, almost four years now. and yes, i have a girlfriend - a situation which prompts a lot of my rambling nowadays. my girlfriend is great - i truly do care for her and i love her - but i also have this thing with my best friend. and i don't know if i'm just being stupid and refusing to let go of something that will never happen or if i should tell her and see where it goes. i mean, either way i'm gonna end up hurting myself and one or both of them - which is why i haven't done anything about it, just write and ramble.

thank you both

[parrish122]

I like this poem...it gets your feelings across very well.

I like the line "Totrurously transluecent", it just grabbed me somehow.

Parrish

[amikana]

thanks Parrish!

it's confusing to be me right now. my best friend keeps putting up these away messages that stupid me can't help but apply to myself (even though there's probably no way they're aimed at me) and they do nothing but fuel the feeble but firm hope that she might actually feel something for me. but most of me is sure she doesn't - i'm just making myself believe it.

that reminds me - i wrote another short poem-y thing on this same wavelength...maybe i'll post it.

EDIT: poem is posted now - called 'Not For Me'.

amikana

[denial]

Originally posted by amikana
i know, denial - odd isn't it?

my girlfriend is great - i truly do care for her and i love her - but i also have this thing with my best friend. and i don't know if i'm just being stupid and refusing to let go of something that will never happen or if i should tell her and see where it goes.

Its not odd to me .. but ..did you ever promise that you will love only her ..forever? and that nothing will come between both of you?

[amikana]

Originally posted by denial
Its not odd to me .. but ..did you ever promise that you will love only her ..forever? and that nothing will come between both of you?

i'm not sure who you're asking about so i'll answer it both ways:

did i promise my best friend? only as much as all best friends do - we'll be friends for life, i will *always* be here for you, no matter what if you need me i'm there, etc etc. so maybe in a roundabout way i "promised" something like that to her, but being that she doesn't really have a clue - i doubt it matters that much to her.

did i promise my girlfriend? no - i've told her i love her, but i've never said anything to the effect that we're gonna be 'together forever' or any such nonsense. she is my first girlfriend ever - and i know it may be harsh to say - but i don't know if i could do it, not at this point anyway. so no - no "forever" promises here either.

so basically - i still don't know what the heck is going on! lol

amikana

[denial]

amikana, ...okay..

For you

[amikana]

Originally posted by denial
amikana, ...okay..

For you

thanks! much appreciated

amikana