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Obsession


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Old 07-03-2003, 15:33   #1
devo4ka devo4ka is offline
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Obsession

My soul contains deep hatred,
That's rushing through my veins.
Dark night and sun debated,
While I destroyed my isolated brains.

Insanity that kept me chasing
And seeking for revenge.
Forced me to keep on racing
With life I couldn't change.

New drugs made me addicted,
To pain and to depression.
Yes, God you have predicted
The consequences of obsession.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't think you're getting me back..
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Old 07-03-2003, 17:33   #2
forre forre is offline
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Hmmm, the idea is great. Just something stylistically that bothers me.
Quote:
New drugs made me addicted,
- sounds too common, almost scientific. It breaks the spirit. But generally it's a good piece.

devo4ka, Thank you!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Olga | TatySite.net t.E.A.m. [ ritzer@hotmail.com ]

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Old 07-03-2003, 18:15   #3
devo4ka devo4ka is offline
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Thanks for your comments. I'll keep it up.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't think you're getting me back..
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Old 09-03-2003, 00:10   #4
Angel_of_life Angel_of_life is offline
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devo4ka, u know that i like ur poems %)
and this one is really cool! i liked it very much!
especially this lines... they sounds great:
Quote:
New drugs made me addicted,
To pain and to depression.
~~~~~~~~~~~
~Life is beautiful~
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Old 09-03-2003, 13:14   #5
devo4ka devo4ka is offline
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Angel_of_life, Thanks a lot! I'm glad to hear that you like my poems. I really appreciate that!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't think you're getting me back..
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