Goths - The Real Threat To Our Future!

[Mossopp]

This is an actual genuine announcement from a catholic church warning their members of the dangers they could face if their children become Goths. It’s hilarious yet also rather scary when you take into consideration that some people actually believe this shit.
How many of the criteria apply to you. I got 20!

------------------

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various
other
Satanic
worshipping symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

[Kate]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling

Are they talking about Chritianity and the Bible here? Lol.

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Frequently wears black clothing.

Nuns and priests must be gothic then!

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

Wholesome activities? Gimme a break! But I guess going to a Christian music concert and swinging in a trance with your hands raised is a wholesome activity.

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Complains of boredom.

Cuz we all know that Bible is so exciting! Master writers of thriller wrote that one!! Lol.

I'll comment the rest later. Gotta eat some breakfast.

[kishkash]

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

COME ON! this is too retarded for words....OH NO im bored...i must be a worshipper of satan

[Unplugged]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Count Dracula cereal?!?!?!

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

Which teenager doesn't do that?!

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

Crampaholic is a daughter of Satan!

Originally Posted by Mossopp

Watches cable television or any other corrupted media

Why is cable TV corrupted? LOL

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

Well I guess Britney is the ultimate goth then

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Expresses an interest in sex.

Actually, nevermind, 90% of humans are gothic!!

Thanks for the wise warnings, Mossopp!

[thegurgi]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: .... Philosophy, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Welp, i'm a goth, better go tell my parents.

I enjoy how hindi and buddhism are goth, despite the fact that those to modes of thought don't even believe in any kind of satanic being.

[marina]

Really I don't know what is funnier : those weird kids that haven't quite grown up and walk around with their black capes and sorrow-filled faces or this hilarious announcement from a catholic church !
Wholesome activities ...LOL

[ypsidan04]

I didn't even bother reading the whole thing.

Originally Posted by ypsidan04

You know how Haku has an especially strong attraction to redheads? Well I have a similar attraction to "goth chicks", if you will. You know, some black eyeshadow, black hair preferred but not necessary, piercings other than ears/tattoos (preferably on the lower back area), black leather/frilly skirt with fishnet stockings....you know - kinda like Avril Lavigne in her new video. Don't ask me why. It kinda sucks though, cause in my limited experience, the majority of these types are lesbians. But then again, that's not so bad.

screw "St. Mary's Catholic Church"

[Crampaholic]

All i have to say is RETARDED... i hate it when ppl mistake gothic ppl with satanic ppl.... theres a big diff... idiots

[goku]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

This about covers nearly everyone on the forum.

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Noooo! Well guess I'm a goth. And it's Count Chocula!

[rosh]

i wonder how parents are going to find out if their children masturbate or not

[ypsidan04]

I'm so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black.

I'm so goth I dyed my belly button black.

I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black."

I'm so goth, I don't say "black," I say "blahhwwwkkk."

I'm so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out.

goth #1: I'm so goth the people in the grocery store have refused to sell me
any cereal other than Count Chocula.
goth #2: I'm so goth people ask me to AUTOGRAPH boxes of Count Chocula.

I'm so goth people touch me and they BECOME goth. They say, "Oh no, now I'm
goth!"

I'm so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator.

I'm so goth I don't paint my nails black--I bash them with a hammer.

I'm so goth I died and didn't notice.

I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.


I'm so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, "What are YOU so happy about?"

I'm so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets.


goth #1: I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face have atrophied.
goth #2: I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face never GREW.
goth #3: What's a smile?

I'm so goth I don't use fabric softener, because I like pain.

I'm so goth I set off airport metal detectors from ten feet away with all my
jewelry.

I'm so goth I'm the only REAL goth.


goth #1: I'm so goth a little rain cloud follows me wherever I go and rains
on me.
goth #2: I'm so goth I AM the rain cloud.

I'm so goth I'm more goth than anyone else.

goth #1: I'm so goth I got a tattoo of celtic knotwork starting at the top
of my head, winding all the way down my body, and trailing five feet behind
me on the floor.
goth #2: I'm so goth I AM a tattoo.
goth #3: I'm so goth I pierced all my tattoos.

I'm so goth it takes me an hour and a half to get dressed.

I'm so goth it takes me longer to get UNdressed.

I'm so goth I'm dead.

I'm so goth I think electrical tape is a fashion accessory.


I'm so goth, in preschool, all my drawings were titled, "DEATH."

I'm so goth I slather on spf 45 before I open the refrigerator.


I'm so goth I wore corsets in preschool.

goth #1: I'm so goth I wonder if my dog's collar would look better on me.
goth #2: I'm so goth I KNOW my dog's collar looks better on me.
goth #3: I'm so goth I stole my dog's collar.

I'm so goth, when I was born, I asked for a light for my clove.

I'm so goth I ate a Happy Meal . . . because I like to live dangerous.

I'm so goth little kids are mesmerized by my appearance. (Yeah, like me! )

I'm so goth parents leg their kids when they see them mesmerized by my
appearance.

I'm so goth I've been banned.

I'm so goth nobody understands me, especially when I say, "the boom boom
like shockalocka!!! . . . flibbaflobba!!!"

I'm so goth I don't take my medications, so I can be more goth.

I'm so goth, when I was born the doctor slapped me and I didn't cry.

I'm so goth I make flowers wilt.

I'm so goth I like them better that way.

I'm so goth I punched a care bear.

I'm so goth I think saying "oh my goth" is cute.

I'm so goth, when I smile people ask me what's wrong.

I'm so goth little old ladies in walkers cross the street to insult me.

I'm so goth I practice my blank stare in the mirror.

I'm so goth I listen to The Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus simultaneously at
midnight in a graveyard sitting in a pentagram surrounded by candles . . .
and oh, there's a full moon . . . and then I die. And then I come back to
life. And then I die again . . . tragically.

I'm so goth I have actually seriously uttered the phrase, "the darkest dark
of the dark darkness."

I'm so goth I tried to use Cheer . . . it cried.

goth #1: I'm so goth, when I'm sleeping people come and check my pulse.
goth #2: I'm so goth I don't have a pulse.

I'm so goth I know what pvc stands for.

I'm so goth the people at the suicide hotline have asked me to stop calling.

I'm so goth I'm catholic.

I'm so goth nuns and priests resent me because I look cooler in black than
them.

I'm so goth tan lines are a sin.

I'm so goth I was adopted by the Addams family.

I'm so goth people keep asking me if I feel okay.

I'm so goth the dark is scared of ME.

I'm so goth I know how to spell Siouxsie & The Banshees correctly.

I'm so goth I became a fisherman, just so I could use fishnets.

I'm so goth I want to die die die my hair black.

I'm so goth I sleep UNDER my bed.

I'm so goth, Robert Smith asked ME for my autograph.

I'm so goth I got a 12-pack of absinthe.

I'm so goth I don't eat gummy bears, I eat "glummy bears."

I'm so goth I dot my i's with frowny faces.

I'm so goth I call a smile a "concave frown."

I'm so goth that when I was a toddler, I didn't cry over spilled milk, I
MOURNED it.

I'm so goth I make Happy Meals cry.

I'm so goth I shower with bleach instead of soap.

I'm so goth I have a fishnet umbrella.

I'm so goth that bats hang little plastic me's from their ceiling.

I'm so goth that in kindergarten I sang "woe, woe, woe your boat..."

I'm so goth that colors fade away when I am nearby.

I'm so goth I only eat things that are burnt, because they're black.

I'm so goth, when I was little, I thought funeral processions were parades.

I'm so goth I tried to be a hippie once and hugged a tree--and it died.

I'm so goth, when our teacher told us to write the declaration of
independence, I wrote the declaration of sindependence.

I'm so goth I sleep with my hands crossed on my chest.

goth #1: I'm so goth I changed my name to Mystryss Darque Wintyr Nyght Rayn
Ravyn.
goth #2: I'm so goth I don't have a name. I'm just "goth."

I'm so goth all I do is sit around and talk about how goth I am.

I'm so goth I always use the word "goth" instead of "got."

[Mossopp]

Aw Dan, that is just classic!
I'm sending that list to my supervisor at work. He was a goth in his younger days and he's been forever resentful of the fact that he had to drop that image when he became an Accountant. You could say he's a frustrated goth. That list is gonna crack him up!

[luxxi]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

WTF???????

Since when is Philosophy a religion? Guess they teach Satanism at schools.

And I guess about 1/2 of the world population are goths. Yeah, those crazy Indian and Chinese goths.

[Mossopp]

Originally Posted by luxxi

WTF???????
Since when is Philosophy a religion?

Obviously philosophy isn't a religion. Christians are against it simply because it encourages free-thought.
We can't possibly have people thinking for themselves - it would render organised religion completely redundant. And what a travesty that would be!

[luxxi]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

Obviously philosophy isn't a religion.

They call it cult religion . Go figure.

[ypsidan04]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

Aw Dan, that is just classic!
I'm sending that list to my supervisor at work. He was a goth in his younger days and he's been forever resentful of the fact that he had to drop that image when he became an Accountant. You could say he's a frustrated goth. That list is gonna crack him up!

Glad you like it. That's too bad for him.