Le change!

[Mossopp]

Another day. I don't really have anything new to report.
I have absolutely nothing to look forward to now. The things I used to enjoy aren't any fun when I'm sober and the things that used to scare me are now scaring me even more. I'm not being dramatic when I say that I feel dead inside.

originally posted by guesshoo
in the end it is worth it b/c you live a much healthier lifestyle and defy the things your parents have said about you. however, if the problems continue, seeing a doctor would be your best bet. keep the hope

I'm not gonna stick to this. I've weighed up my options and I think I'll stay with the bottle. Untill I can get away from this place and find people who understand me - maybe even love me - then this is my best option.
And my parents are right about me - I did f#ck up my chances!

originally posted by $in
if u continue drinking, in a few years everybody who knows u will just feel sorry for u... i've seen a lot of examples. u seem like such a nice person, i just don't want u to became an alcoholic!!!

Noone is going to feel sorry for me. Noone cares enough for that. None of my 'friends' know I drink as much as I do anyway - they're all too busy with their fantastic lives to worry about what I'm doing. The only person who knows I drink is my mother (and even she doesn't know the full extent of it). She couldn't give a f#ck either - as far as she's concerned I'm just another alcoholic waster like my father. I guess I've just inherited an unfortunate family trait.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Please don't be concerned about me. I'm not worth your trouble. It's my fault.

[Lena410]

Mossopp, of course you are worth it!

I think it's great you at least gave it a shot although I think that it's very early to say you don't like it after eight days.

Did you try talking to one of your friends? Maybe your drinking isn't that obvious to them and they would care if they knew.

[guesshoo]

awww, come on you guys, cheer up!!!

parrish:
whatever it may be that may have you feeling down just know that you are a winner. believe in yourself, thats all that matters!

mossopp:
come on sweetie, please try and think positive for me. we do care about you, and i'm sure even though she may not act like it, your mother cares about you too. like the other guys said, find something that you like to keep you occupied to keep your mind away from the negativity. keep your head up, and like i said before, if no one else cares, i do!

$in:
keep up the good work buddy


i encourage you all and i wish you guys the best.

[Kappa]

Mood: Disoriented
Day: When the hell did I start doing this? Methinks, day 11.

My legs hurt less by the day and I'm almost able to open up my legs like I was able to (not THAT way, pervs :P). Practicing Wu Shu has reminded me of the love I have for martial arts and practicing them. Nevermind my elbows, wrists, shoulders, knees and ankles, they're doomed anyway. :P

Yesterday's class was intense and very interesting. My sifu is a small guy who you'd never think could attack you with the strenght he does. A kid who practiced Karate came for his first class and I'm very glad I never did Karate because it's stiff as all hell O_o. I'm learning bit by bit and I'll probably get my uniform soon which will help to my selfsteem as a student. :P

Only bad thing is, mom thinks I'm still fat. 146 lbs... it is not bad for someone my size, I think...

On the weed subject, I'm still bordering in wanting to smoke it, but the storm has passed and I'm starting not to feel the need for it slowly.

Mossopp, you're right smack in the middle of the crisis. You don't give a damn about anything and you just want to go back to the bottle. Doing it will only prove your parents right and they'll have somewhere to stand in order to say that you failed.

I know you might not want to use my own POV but it might help you: all that makes me survive in a rotten world is irony. Irony that'll show people that didn't trust in me that I made it. When I was a little girl (aka 6 years old) I was diagnosed with a number of learning disabilities, a low IQ and hyperactivity (and to blow that all away, I'm on my way to need a guiding dog because I'm TERRIBLY far-sighted). The irony of that is that by the year in which elementary school ended, I talked english better than any of my teachers, had an impecable grammar and I had a nice handwriting, and had managed to stop what doctors called hyperactivity without the need of Ritalin or medicins for that matter.

Irony is that I will show my mom I can live alone without making a mess. Or show my grandparents that being a dyke will not leave me friendless. Don't fall to what others think you are, Mossopp, because you're a human being and unique and probably, way better than your parents if their only goal is to make their daughter miserable. Do it for us, eh? In many years, when Yulia and Lena are married and have children running around them (just joking :P), we'll all look back and blow a grand HAH! at those days in which we drank, smoked, or were a big fat slob.

Parrish, you keep going. For your Harry Potter-alike nephew? Please? *puppy eyes*

[parrish122]

Harry Potter-alike Nephew?

I've lost track of what day it is, but I'm still not smoking. Despite the fact I *really* want to. <Sigh>

Parrish

[Veggie Delite]

and how are you feeling parrish? what do your lungs say

[Kappa]

parrish122, keep it up. Please?

[Lena410]

I'm with darje..keep it up parrish122, it's better for you not to smoke..and you sounded like you really want to stop..*smile*

[Mossopp]

Still not enjoying myself but I managed to keep occupied this evening by searching online for a new place to live (FYI mother - I can afford a halfway-decent flat. You're not the only one who knows how to secretly hoard your cash! ) and watching 'Stitch! The Movie'.
Needless to say I got into yet another confrontation with my mother. I thought we fought before, but since I quit drinking my tolerance for her bullsh#t is at an all-time low!
I wouldn't have minded having a drink today but I had a migraine earlier in the afternoon so I've been feeling a bit too shaky to find the prospect of getting blasted completely appealing. Still, something to take the edge off wouldn't have gone amiss...
It'll be the weekend soon. I got through last weekend only because I had things to occupy myself with. This weekend I'm not so lucky as I have nothing planned at all. And I'm not working on Monday either so that's another day alone with only my thoughts! I'd hoped to go house-hunting but my mother is refusing to give me a ride anywhere and I can't get to any of my prospective new homes by myself so it looks like the old cow has won this round!
Urgh! I take it back - I do want to get blasted!

[Kappa]

Mossopp, you CAN do it. If you really want to live alone, go to the prospects by yourself... that she doesn't want to let you go is why she's refusing to give you a ride. If it's a taxi or stealing a car, GO CHECK IT OUT.

[guesshoo]

mossopp:
i wish you the best, and keep hope alive.

parrish:
keep your head up. don't let the world get you down!

darje:
i'm proud of you, and please don't give into temptation to the smoking!

[Mossopp]

I'm I the only one posting 'diary entries' anymore? C'mon darje and parrish - I'm not doing this alone! Help a Mossopp out. Are you guys doing ok?

Anyhoo, Day 10, not much to report. I still have no plans whatsoever for the long-weekend and I doubt anything is gonna come up at this late stage. Looks like it's going to take sheer willpower this time. I'm not looking forward to that.
I'm sleeping slightly better now but I'm still tired and my muscles ache like a b#stard! (I feel your pain darje )
I got a call earlier from my pal Rory. He's got a big weekend planned and when he says "big" he means it - last weekend he got himself thrown out of a club and then attempted to get back in by climbing in through a window. He cut his arm open in the process and even that didn't deter him! I told him I'd be thinking about him having fun on Saturday night while I'm sitting in my bedroom, staring at crappy, soul-sucking primetime TV. Not that it matters cos I do that every night anyway, drunk or sober. The only difference is the situation is bearable when I'm drunk.

[QueenBee]

Mossopp, well there you go.. :P Why don't you ask Rory to go with you someplace? Then you'll have stuff to do.. Preferably not to a club since it might involve drinking But maybe to some cafй? A movie? Picking mushrooms? *Lol - my mom is doing that tomorrow* Anything?? o.O

[Mossopp]

Originally posted by QueenBee
Mossopp, well there you go.. :P Why don't you ask Rory to go with you someplace? Then you'll have stuff to do..

Because he moved to the other end of the country 6 days ago. He's yet another name to add to my 'People Who F#cked-Off and Left Me' list.

[Kappa]

Mossopp, I HAVE been adding entries, just not everyday because I'm not exercising daily. But if you want news, I'm dragging right now. ^_^

[Mossopp]

Originally posted by darje
Mossopp, I HAVE been adding entries, just not everyday because I'm not exercising daily.

If you're not exercsing daily then how come I have to stay sober daily? Mossopp doesn't think she's got a very fair deal here.....

[guesshoo]

well mossopp, i wish you the best in finding something to occupy your time with.
keep the good work up darje and parrish!

[parrish122]

Ack! Sorry Mossopp! I usually post during the morning, but I did miss that this morning.

Still not smoking, still imagining that I'm inflicting all sorts of harm to annoying customers. But last night I didn't seem to want a smoke *quite* as badly as before.

At this point, I'll take *any* improvement.

I remembered the other day what I did when I was trying to get Alicia to quit smoking. I got ahold of her pack of cigs and wrote all sorts of charming little messages on each of the cigarettes. Such as: "Smoke me and you'll DIE DIE DIE!!" LOL. She still smoked them though, and then I had to worry that maybe she'd get poisoned from the ink. The look on her face the first time she noticed the writing on her cig was priceless, however.

Parrish

[Veggie Delite]

i've never seen someone like u moss. i wish some of my friends r like u... no one that i know managed to do this, what u did. my one and only love is kind of an alcoholic... it's so f*ck'n f*ckud up!

i really admire u ! ! !
*rolls red carpet*

parrish and darje, just hang on

[taty994945]

4 days to go! i hope u guys can do it.

p.s. are u guys gonna start drinking, smoking etc as soon as its over?