Gaydar: Fact or Fiction?

[Mossopp]

Gaydar:
1. The ability/gift of being able to detect homosexuality in other people.
2. GAYDAR. Short for Gay-Radar. The ability to tell when someone near you is homosexual, even if they have given no obvious indications of being so. This is an ability usually possesed by homosexuals and their fag-hags.
It's like Spiderman and his Spider sense. He can just "feel" when there is danger nearby. Gaydar allows you to "feel" when there is gayness nearby.
from urbandictionary.com

Let’s discuss the notion of “gaydar”: Do you possess “gaydar”? Do you think it’s a gift bestowed upon gay people to help us identify kindred spirits? Or is it a load of crap and just another stupid ‘buzzword’ of the 21st century?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. You may or may not know (depending on whether you read my ramblings on the ‘Daily…’ threads) that I recently found out that an acquaintance of mine confirmed my initial suspicions of her by admitting that she’s into other women. I was quite pleased with this because I had suspected for a while that she was gay/bi and I saw this as an indication that my “gaydar” was fully functional.
But wait. Point 2 above states that gaydar is the ability to spot someone who is gay “even if they have given no obvious indications of being so”. I applied this definition to the case of my acquaintance and remembered that when I first met her I didn’t actually suspect she could be gay/bi. In fact, it was only when I met her for a second time a few weeks later and saw that she’d shaved her head and dyed what was left of her hair blonde and red (she used to have long, dark hair) that I began to think something was up with her.
When I met her she looked and was dressed like your average teenage girl. But when I saw her subsequently she had a mohawk and was always dressed in baggy jeans and hoodies. So was my gaydar really working - or is my acquaintance nothing more than a walking stereotype that anyone would be able to read like a book whether they had gaydar or not? And if the latter is the case then surely “gaydar” is nothing more than the ability to judge people based on your own stereotypical perception of what a gay person should look like?

What are your thoughts on the subject? It’d be interesting to hear from gay and straight people to see what they make of this. Personally I’m beginning to think that “gaydar” isn’t a gift - it’s just knowing what signs to look for.

[teeny]

well, I don't know if a gaydar is something you have to start with or if it's something that starts working down the line.. but a few thoughts in the matter:

I was out in Copenhagen with a (gay) girl last year when she came to visit from Jutland. Walking around in the streets of Copenhagen and she was going "she's gay" all the time when passing various girls.. I was clueless all of the time. Anyway it started to make me think more about the gaydar thing.. only no chance of knowing if she was right or not of course.

Then.. I started school in the beginning of January.. and one of the girls in one of the other classes (not cap girl) I was kinda 90% sure of, but not totally and all.
A month ago or so I'm at the dating site and guess whos profile I run into Yep.. it's my gaydar debut.. lol. Then again I'm bound to make a right once in a while..

But all in all I think all are able to get it right once in a while, and call it a gaydar. Like my cousin saying he has it and it works 100% and I know for sure it doesn't. But I think one can be better with getting it right when knowing what to look for. I improved a lot the last few months I think. But then again it doesn't really work right, cos it's mostly me noticing someone and THEN find out they are gay.. so it's kinda the reverse scenario.

Offtop:
I think this is one of my posts that makes the least sense.. Dunno where I was heading with it even

[madeldoe]

id have to say that my gaydar [obviously i believe in it's existence] is quite in tune. one recent instance would be when i was sitting down after a very long day of shopping at the mall, i saw a girl with short spikey hair [yumMm] with another girl with short spikey hair [w/ white highlights] having a smoke. after a while a guy comes by and sits by the starts talking to them, and i automatically assume hes one of the girl's boyfriend. but for some reason i just cant stop looking over at the girls. so were ouside for a good 20 mins, and i just keep glancing over, cuz 1.the girl was hot and 2.i just had a feeling. then after the girl [w/ highlights] finishes her smoke, shes sits down with the other girl and starts whispering in her ear. ofcourse this caught my attention. theeeeen the one w/ highlights gives a hug and starts kissing her. i was sooo mad that i had no one to brag to about knowing they were dykes beforehand.

[Khartoun2004]

I know for a fact not every gay person has a gaydar. Two of my close friends who are the gayest people I known can't spot even the most flaming guy in a gay bar. I think gaydar has to do with how intune a person is with their surroundings and the vibes people give off.

Gay or straight we all have a way of presenting ourselves to the rest of the world. When your gay its harder to find other gay people because there's fewer of us. That means if we acted like every other straight person (no offence to the straight people), none of us would get a date outside our circle of friends.

Gaydar is nothing more than a fancy word that means great observational skills, and preception.

[Mossopp]

Yeah, but you're kinda helping me proove my point there nataku. I suggested that 'gaydar' is just the ability to notice a stereotypical gay person. The girls you saw at the mall both had "short spikey hair". Now tell me, is that or is that not the haircut of choice for your average dyke? I'm willing to bet that both those girls dressed like your average dyke too, am I right? And the fact that both these girls were at the mall together would be another reason to assume that they could be a couple.
If you had said that the girls were both very feminine and spent the entire time talking about shoes and hair extentions yet you'd still figured out that they were lesbians, then I'd be impressed. However all you really did was notice 2 very obvious gay women on a trip to the mall.
C'mon, does noone see my point here???

This a good discussion topic! Why can't I get more people to reply??

[freddie]

Well... I think it's not limited down to gay people recognizing other gay people. It's just a person with good perception skills, like Khartoun2004 said. Though we still have to be careful not to tall into the stereotype trap. Not every queer-like guy is neccessary gay (belive me ) and not every butch-like girl is a definite lesbian. We're all people, we're all very diverse, no matter what the orientation is and thus it's hard to neatly label people's beaviour into a specific group.

I'd say even if a person in Slovenia DID have a gaydar it'd be somewhat inactive, since being a gay man or woman is still very much frowned upon, so most of the gays (this goes double for gay women) are getting to know insides of their closets pretty well.

[madeldoe]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

Yeah, but you're kinda helping me proove my point there nataku. I suggested that 'gaydar' is just the ability to notice a stereotypical gay person. The girls you saw at the mall both had "short spikey hair". Now tell me, is that or is that not the haircut of choice for your average dyke? I'm willing to bet that both those girls dressed like your average dyke too, am I right? And the fact that both these girls were at the mall together would be another reason to assume that they could be a couple.
If you had said that the girls were both very feminine and spent the entire time talking about shoes and hair extentions yet you'd still figured out that they were lesbians, then I'd be impressed. However all you really did was notice 2 very obvious gay women on a trip to the mall.
C'mon, does noone see my point here???

This a good discussion topic! Why can't I get more people to reply??

yeh i know i like this topic too!


as for their conversation, i was too far away to hear what they were talking about. but i honestly dont believe that they were the "sterotypical dykes". i see alot of girls with short spikey hair, who, trust me, i wished was a dyke lol. and the way they were carrying themsleves before they began to hug and kiss gave no indication to their orientation, atleast not from my point of view. the one with highlights was standing up while she was taking a drag while the other one was talking to their guy friend.

okay heres another instance: i went to another practice for my friend cotillion and after a while saw that there was a new person in the group. [i guess someone dropped out] instantly i just had a feeling about him. its very hard to describe because a word doesnt exist to describe it exactly lol. but i guess the closest word would be intrigued? i dunno. he wasn't a "flaming" gay boy, like my friend chuck who was in the cotillion also. he got along with guys fairly well actually, while chuck would laugh and giggle with the girls. anywho, later on down the line, my friend asks me wether im bringing linda [my gf] with me to the actual cotillion itself, because he was going to bring his bf, and she didnt want him to feel alone since he didnt know anyone. you can imagine my surprise. aaaand he was the one who told me about downelink.com [you guys should join!]

[PowerPuff Grrl]

Originally Posted by Mossopp

Now tell me, is that or is that not the haircut of choice for your average dyke?

The Mullet? <--- Those things are hideous!

Anyhoo, I have nothing much to add, only that my gaydar (if you call it that) works more on guys than on girls. Pratically all of the lesbians I have met in my life were so unassuming.

[haku]

Originally Posted by nataku

downelink.com [you guys should join!]

^ This site is for gays only, just so people know.

[Mossopp]

Originally Posted by PowerPuff Grrl

The Mullet? <--- Those things are hideous!

Urgh! I know! I went to see Pink in concert and, I swear, about 40% of the women in the crowd had mullets. It was a disturbing experience!
BTW, any gay girl looking to hook-up with someone should get to a Pink concert asap. It's probably the best way to meet other lesbians!

Just to clarify - I'm not a Pink fan. I only went to that gig because my mother had bought my ticket as a Christmas present. I spent most of the evening in the bar.

[Sean Jon]

i think its just fiction

i was watching NBC or ABC (one of those) and they had a special on "gaydar" and they brought in 3 straight and 3 gay guys in a room... and people had to go around to see who was gay and who was straight and the majority got alot wrong

[OkashiNaYume]

Originally Posted by Khartoun2004

Gaydar is nothing more than a fancy word that means great observational skills, and preception.

Agreed.

[ypsidan04]

Originally Posted by Khartoun2004

Gaydar is nothing more than a fancy word that means great observational skills, and preception.

You got that right. And going by that definition, it shouldn't be too big of a surprise that I consider myself to be very observational in that way, as a straight guy. But there are plenty of gay people who look like everyone else, and we all know there are people out there who could be called "metrosexuals". So it's not always easy to tell.

[QueenBee]

Well I have no evidence that a gaydar infact exists (why do I always type "gayday"?), so I think it's more about stereotypes. If you see a guy acting very feminine you would think he's gay. Even if the signs are subtle, I'm thinking it might be your sub-consious noticing them? Like you get a cerain "vibe" from a person because there's just something about them that feels gay, but you don't know what it is.