Open Letter to Yulia & Lena from Me Am Hulk (A skit.)

[Me Am Hulk]

(The forum folk are seated in aluminum chairs, MURMURING to one another. Me Am Hulk enters forum. He wears nothing but a frown and a HUGE palm leaf over his most prized possessions. He stands behind a podium set up for him, and taps the microphone.)

HULK: Am this thing on? Good.

(Me Am Hulk gets his papers in order, puts on reading glasses, and clears his throat.)

HULK: Dear Yulia and Lena... Hulk want him pants back.

(Forum folk start GIGGLING. Hulk SNARLS. Forum settles down.)

HULK: Hulk know you two am behind prank. Joke am over. Bring pants back now.

(Darje can't contain herself and spills out of her seat, LAUGHING and punching the floor. Hulk rolls his eyes and continues.)

HULK: Hulk bring forum up to speed. You see, Hulk was at wild party last night. Hulk at bar drowning sorrows over poor turnout for him movie with frosty mug of beer. Hulk look over him shoulder and see Red-head and Spiky-head at table, pointing and giggling.
Puny humans then come over, sit next to Hulk. Spiky-head flag down bartender and say: "Guinness for me and mix a Brickwall Blackout for the Big Green Guy."
Hulk thought him luck about to change. Hulk notice Red-head staring at Hulk trademark purple pants.
"Nice Pants!" Red-head say.
"Thank you, puny human." Hulk reply.
Bartender come by with drink Spiky-Head bought for Hulk. Hulk squint eye at drink, drink look suspicious. Then Hulk squint eye at Spiky-Head.
"You not try to slip Hulk a mickey, am you?"
Spiky Head act all surprised. "Who, me?" Spiky head say, then she bat baby blue eyes innocently at Hulk.

DISENGAGE: (murmurs.) Did he fall for THAT old routine?

HULK: Look, Hulk am sucker for baby blue eyes OKAY?

(Forum GIGGLES, Hulk clears throat, adjusts glasses.)

HULK: Red-head start stroking Hulk bicep, say how she "likes men who run around without shirt and scream a lot." Hulk get all flattered, flex him muscles, and say Hulk not like to brag but Hulk stick to strict exercise regimen.
Then Spiky-Head slide Hulk's drink closer to Hulk, "It's my own brand." she say.
Hulk take swig of drink and ask: "What am drink called again?"
"Brickwall Blackout," says Spiky Head with smile.
"Why it am called that?" Hulk ask.
"Oh-h-h-h-h you'll find out," says Red Head.
Hulk decide to use favorite pick up line, "So-o-o-o-o... Hulk am Gemini, what am puny humans' sign--"
Then everything go black.
Next thing Hulk know, Hulk woke up by lawn sprinkler. Hulk look around, am in someone's backyard, in some suburb Hulk never been to.
Then Hulk notice someone strap brassiere to Hulk head, stick Krazy Straws in Hulk ears, glue popcorn and pretzels to Hulk back, put pasties on Hulk nipples. Top that off, Hulk covered head to toe in packing tape and Silly String.
Then Hulk notice him pants am missing.

(In the audience, Echoed is on the verge of tears trying not to laugh. Darje staggers out of the room into the hallway and SQUEALS with laughter. Disengage's face is concealed behind a newspaper, where muffled CHUCKLING is heard.)

(Hulk takes a deep breath, counts to ten, and continues reading his notes.)

HULK: So to girls Hulk would like to say: Okay, Hulk been good sport about this. Hulk not throw tantrum, Hulk not smash suburb, Hulk swallow him pride and laugh it off. But Hulk would like him pants back now, please.

(More SQUEALING from the hallway.)

HULK: It am Hulk only pair of pants, Hulk am very attached to them.

DISENGAGE: Not any more.

(Echoed starts WHEEZING, SNICKERING, and doubles over in seat.)

HULK: Hulk would like to ADD, that if anyone finds Hulk torn purple pants, bring them to forum and give them back to Hulk.

DARJE: (from the hallway) Try the nearest FLAGPOLE!

(The entire forum starts ROARING with laughter. Me Am Hulk grits his teeth, crushes his glasses, and chews up his notes.)

HULK: (Growls.) So Yuli, Lena If am you watching... JIG IS UP!!! GIVE HULK BACK HIM PANTS!!!! Hulk thank forum for patience and understanding.

(Hulk steps away from podium and turns toward the exit curtain, accidentaly exposing his big green butt to the forum.
The forum starts HOOTING and WOLF-WHISTLING.)

VOICE: Nice caboose, Greenskin!

HULK: (Rolls eyes.) Hoo-boy, Hulk not live this one down...

END.

[Echoed]

*Cackles uncontrollably. Tries not to point and laugh at.*

~Echo.

[Ann t..A.T.u.]

Man that is the best and funniest thing ever *rolls around on the floor laughing*

[Lцfberg]

LOL! Tough luck!

[Kappa]

*sniggers and points at* Hulk should know, Russian women am tricky. Specially with big green man like Hulk. Russian women have no respect for big green men.

But if me am Hulk should try looking for me am Hulk pants, am would suggest Spiky-Head's closet. Me have heard they've been trying role-playing. :P

[QueenBee]

Aluminium chairs? Talk about crappy :P Fun stuff ^_^

[Ann t..A.T.u.]

*Sneaks into forum* whispers to queenbee,darje,Lofberg and Echoed. Hey guys ull never guess what i found while routing in Volkova's closet Shhhhhhhhh

[Tranz]

that was very funny, thanks for the laugh and I hope you get ur pants back.

[Me Am Hulk]

Originally posted by darje
But if me am Hulk should try looking for me am Hulk pants, am would suggest Spiky-Head's closet. Me have heard they've been trying role-playing. :P

MEANWHILE IN THE tATu TRAILER...

(Lena Katina is dressed up as Betty Ross: lab coat, thick-rimmed glasses, and pumps. She GIGGLES as she watches Yulia Volkova try to pop two contact lenses into her eyes. Yulia is wearing a lab smock and a stretched out pair of purple pants hitched to her waist with a leather belt.)

YULIA: Keep it down, will ya? I can't hold my hand steady!

LENA: (cackles) I can't believe we made off with that big green dumbbell's PANTS!!!

YULIA: Shh!! Quiet, quiet... hold on...

(Her back turned towards Lena, she pops in the contacts.)

YULIA: M'kay, ready?

LENA: Hold on, lemme get into character. (clears throat) Okay, go for it!

(Yulia whips around and glares at Lena. The contacts are chalk white. Yulia flexes her arms and SNARLS.)

LENA: (gasps.) "Oh, Bruce!!! My poor dear Bruce!!! What's HAPPENING to you???"

YULIA: "You're... making me RANDY, Betty! You... wouldn't... like me... when I'm... RANDY!!! G-A-A-A-A-H-H!

(Yulia tears off the lab coat, revealing a green sports bra.* She shows off her abs o' steel and ROARS.)

LENA: "EEEEEK! Bruce! You're becoming a... a MONSTER!!!"

YULIA: "RAAAAA! Sexy redhead am pretty!! She-Hunk want to get jiggy!! She-Hunk take redhead, sling her over shoulder like cavegirl, and make her common-law WIFE!"

(Yulia chases Lena around and around the Trailer, with Lena SHRIEKING and SQUEALING in mock terror.)

LENA: "Oh! Help, help me! Stay away from me, you brute!"

YULIA: "BWAH-HA-HAAAAH! Sexy redhead play hard to get all she want! Sexy redhead can't outrun She-Hunk!!"

(Yulia grabs Lena around the waist and lifts her up.)

LENA: "Ooooh! Unhand me, you horrible creature! Don't make me beat at your shoulders impotently with my tiny little fists!"

(Lena beats her tiny little fists against Yulia's shoulders. Yulia peels off Lena's lab coat, revealing a two-piece leopard print bikini.)

YULIA: "MMMM! Sexy redhead put up fiight! She-Hunk love rough foreplay!"

LENA: "I must break free before your animal magnetism overwhelms me! OH, HELP! HEL-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-P!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE HELP ME!!! OH, H-E-L-L-L-L-L-P!!!
OH.... OH.... OH-- "

(At that moment, the Trailer door bursts open! The door and most of the wall shatters to splinters as Me Am Hulk barges into the room. He sees the girls and GROWLS at them.)

LENA: Oh... oh... oh...

YULIA: Oboy.

HULK: Puny humans stole Hulk PANTS!!

(Yulia GULPS. The purple pants come loose and slide down to her ankles, revealing a pair of smiley face women's boxers. Yulia points to Lena.)

YULIA: It was her idea! She made me do it!

LENA: MY idea???

HULK: Give... back... Hulk... pants!

(Yulia shakes the pants off her ankles and hands them to Lena, who quickly hands them to the Hulk.)

LENA: No hard feelings?

HULK: Now for Hulk REVENGE.

(Yulia and Lena brace themselves for the coup de grace.)

(Me Am Hulk puts his pants back on. He smiles and knocks down the other three walls of the Trailer. A crowd has gathered outside to see the commotion.)

HULK: HEY, EVERYBODY!!! LOOK AT TWO HALF-NAKED DUMBBELLS!!!

(Everyone points and LAUGHS at our two heroines: Yulia in her green top and smiley face panties, Lena in her leopard bikini. Me Am Hulk lopes off into an alleyway.)

LENA: This is... embarrassing.

YULIA: Eh, it could be worse... there could be...

(Yulia and Lena flinch as flash bulbs SNAP in their faces.)

YULIA: ...paparazzi.

LENA: Next time, let's steal a wimpier superhero's pants.

YULIA: Like Aquaman's.

LENA: Yeah...

END.

* That's right, Yulia's wearing a top to preserve her modesty. So none of you horn dogs can ogle her itty-bitty titties...
Nyah-nyah-nyah.

[Kappa]

*laughs* Itty-bitty titties... never heard THAT ONE. LOL.

It's good to see my sugestions work with you, me am Hulk. :P I wish I could team up with you!

[tatu_rocs]

omg i wanna steal the hulks pants!!hahhaa

[TaTu^HeRo]

hulkie..