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23-10-2003, 16:59
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#1 | |
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motylik
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: my own private world XP
Age: 37
Posts: 842
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Painful end
I was bored and depressed in school. So I wrote this. *shrugs* Dunno if it's good.
You used to take my hand. Guide me through blackness into light. I felt free. Every single touch from you now plunges me deeper into mud. Quicksands I can't escape. Trapped in a darkness that once used to be iluminated by the sun. Your smiles look like insane clown laughter. Your kind words are distorted into sneering. Your loving look is full of disgust. You used to help me up to my feet. Now you make me fall. Never noticing the change, you look at me with hurt when I turn away. My heart goes out to you instantly, but my body moves the other way. I have to save myself. For all those people who really love me. Who really care. I don't know if I would be strong enought to walk away alone. |
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"Asking the right questions will make all the doubts go away." ~ German teacher "Having the right doubts will make all the questions go away." ~ My best(est) friend ^^ |
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23-10-2003, 22:52
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#2 | |
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think again....
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: pinas
Age: 44
Posts: 1,323
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damn girl...ur on fire...
 i realy hate the word "used to"...especially wen it is associated w hurt,pain,loneliness.... |
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mY SITE |
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24-10-2003, 01:44
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#3 |
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Участник
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: North Carolina USA
Age: 53
Posts: 786
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You already know I love your writing....but I'm going to tell you again anyhow. I love your writing!
I particularly like the last few lines, starting with "I need to save myself". I like the message there.  Parrish |
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26-10-2003, 21:00
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#4 | |
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motylik
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: my own private world XP
Age: 37
Posts: 842
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warx, parrish122, thanks for your feedback. *smile*
Parrish I love your writing too.  I thought you would like the message. *smile*
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~~~~~~~~~~~
"Asking the right questions will make all the doubts go away." ~ German teacher "Having the right doubts will make all the questions go away." ~ My best(est) friend ^^ |
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26-10-2003, 22:05
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#5 | |
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the silent one
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Leiden, Holland, the Netherlands
Age: 48
Posts: 141
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i have read
them lines....
and as for i know where they come from i can feel the hurt almost as if it were my own... but damn good written i must say! but if you can't save your self then let me try? I'd come and save you from what ever gets to you...*smile* maybe you should post some more of this? |
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m.a.y.b.e. co-founder m.a.y.b.e. - Members Against You Being Evaluated |
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27-10-2003, 00:27
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#6 | |
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keep 'em guessing
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: guesswhere
Age: 37
Posts: 739
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very well written.
keep up the good work! |
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27-10-2003, 13:03
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#7 |
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Участник
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 453
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This was beautiful, Lena410. Very touching.
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