Just Jokes

[EeZeReal]

What has 200 legs and no tits? Front row at Hanson concert.

LmfaO..... Oh my...whatever ever happened to them...

How does a blonde turn the light on after sex?

She opens the car door.

What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

She goes home.

**Runs**

[Charles]

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

So men can understand them.

[luxxi]

A minister and a priest are standing by a road. Minister is holding a sign "The end is near" and priest sign "Stop while you still can". A car speeds by and driver rolls down his window and yells "Leave us alone you religious freaks". After he turns the corner there is a loud splash. Minister looks at priest and says: "Maybe we should make a sign 'Bridge out' instead"

Minister, priest & rabbi are talking about their experiences. Minister: "Once I was on a ship and storm came upon us. I prayed and prayed and miracle. Storm all around us but the ship was on calm sea." Priest nodds: "I was on a plane once and we came into a storm. I prayed and prayed and miracle. Storm all around us but plane flew in calm weather." So the rabbi says: "It was a saturday. I was walking in a park, doing nothing as I couldn't. Then I see a suitcase with $1 mio in it. I couldn't pick it up, as that would be work. I prayed and prayed and miracle. Saturday all around me and I was in the middle of Wednesday."

Blonde fell asleep on a field. When she was sleeping a cow came around and stood over her. Blonde wakes up, sees the udders ynd says: "Whoa. One at the time guys."

How do you know blonde gives head? She has belt buckle imprinted on her forehead.

How do you convince blonde to marry you? You tell her she's pregnant.

What will she say? Is it mine?

Why do blondes keep used condoms? Doggy bag.

When was eve most surprised? When she looked under feagleaf and there was no feag under it.

A guy comes to costume shop. "I'm going as Adam and need a feag leaf." So the salesman brings him a leaf. "Bigger" And slaesman brings bigger. "Still too small". After several more the salesman says: "That was the biggest we have. why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as gas pump?"

[EeZeReal]

What's green and eats nuts?

SYPHILIS!...

[kishkash]

What's green and eats nuts?

SYPHILIS!...

Ba Dum pshhhhh

*opens door for addict*

[KillaQueen]

A doctor was walking in a sanatory, checking out his patients. He passes by a man who was playing with a football. He instantly knows this man will be a football player. Then he sees another man with a basketball. He knows this man will become a basketball player.
At some point he notices a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts. The doctor freaks out and asks the patient: "What are you doing?!". The patient replies: "I'm f*cking nuts, I'm never getting out of here!"

[warx]

two eldrely mem were chatting..
one man says, "my friend,you must try this memory pill i'm taking. Its amazing..I remember evrything!" the other man says, "sounds wonderul.whats the name of the pill?" the first man says,"lets see...hmmmmm, what is the name of the flower... with the thorns?it's red... you give it on valentines day?" the other man says, " a rose?" the first man says, "thats right!" then, calling for his wife,he says, "rose, what is the name of that pill?"

[luxxi]

A guy sees Bill Clinton smoking a cigarette. "Mr. CLinton, I thought you are a cigar man." "Bah, cigars are for pussies."

[Disengage]

Ok here's a Clinton Joke(you'll have to pretend it's the 90s when Clinton was still in office)...


After a blizzard in Washington, DC "Clinton sucks" was written in urine outside of the White House. Clinton has his finest men on it to find out who did this:

Detective: "Well we have good news and bad news. The good news is that it is Gore's urine."

Clinton: "What!? If that's the good news then what's the bad news???"

Detective: "It's in Hillary's handwriting."

[dare2dream28]

LMAO @ the "It's in Hillary's hand writing." Here's my lame joke hehe

A blonde woman is trying to do a puzzle and is having a real hard time with it when her husband walks in the room.

"Dear, could you help me with this puzzle? It's supposed to be a tiger, but I can't figure out. Look at the picture."

So she shows her husband the picture of her puzzle. Her husband sighs and then says, "Honey, put the cereal back in the box."

:runs out the door:

[luxxi]

Two women are put together in hotel room because hotel is full. Both are lesbians, but don't know the other one is too. During the night one says: "I want to be frank with you." "Shhh," says the other one "let me be Frank tonight"

Lame one, I know.

[Disengage]

A man on a motorcycle collides with a woman. Whose fault is it?

-It's the man's fault because he shouldn't have been riding his motorcycle in the kitchen.

Ouch!

[ChrisG.1987]

what kind of joke is that?

[Disengage]

a mean one

[Dent]

Three chinese, Bu, Chu and Fu went to US. Tired of people mocking them up because of their names, they decided to americanize it. By sugestion of the judge, Bu was now named Buck, Chu was now Chuck and Fu... well Fu decided to return to China.

Argh that was awful.

Cya

Dent

[luxxi]

God decides he needs to go to vacation, but can't decide where to go. So an angel comes along and they start discussing destinations. "Whay don't you go to Venus? It's nice planet, warm and has lot's of nice women" suggests angel. "Nah," replies God, "I've been there 10.000 years ago and it was so hot I could barely move." "Hmmm, why don't you go to Jupiter? It is big planet, apropriate to your greatness and has nice slopes for skiing." "Nah, I was there 5.000 years ago and nearly froze my arse off." "OK, what about Earth? It's not cold, but not hot. It has nice beaches." suggest angel. "Earth? Are you crazy? That's the worse. I've been there 2.000 years ago and they are still saying I got that Jewish girl pregnant."

[Kappa]

This joke was brought to you by luxxi, who saw Bruce Almighty last week! Just kidding.

[luxxi]

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned this the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated," but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

[LenochkaO]

A bloke keeps ringing me and singing Stand And Deliver down the line.
I keep telling him he's got the wrong number, but he's adamant.

[Disengage]

A priest, a rapist, and a pedofile walk into a bar... and that was just the first guy.

(drum fill)