These quotes are so funny - HEHE

[QueenBee]

Since the flash movies and cartoons are put in this part of the forum, I thought funny quotes would go here.

From http://bash.org

From real IRC-convos.

<DigDug> i think i'm gonna walk to the movie theater and see dinosaur...
<kimy-> and be surrounded by like 10 year old girls?
<Amanda_> He said Dinosaur, not N'Sync.


<kolby> learn so grahmar(sp? ;[) and get back to me


<pezmasta> my band is gonna be called: rage against the answering machine


<McMoo> wouldn't it be great if someone made a program where we could connect to a server and chat with each other in channels we create?


<Relevant> get oral_sex_training_video.mpg
<Relevant> Oops wrong window.


<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith


<circle`> he's like, you, you and you, suck this


<HomerJ> Microsoft could shit in a box, adn most people would buy it


<SYch0> [^_^
<blazemore> cellphones will give you cancer


<shaft`> I bought it through a special deal at work
<Guilty> The deal where you put what you can under your jacket?


<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

Priceless.

[Mossopp]

This one made me laugh:

<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith

[Kate]

Originally Posted by QueenBee

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

What a dumb @$$.

[denial]

Kate .. yep that one is the funniest..


my quote of the day:

My girl (while waiting for me to get in the car, we were going out to eat . and I was feeding the cat and play a little since I haven't spent much time with him lately) :

"hmm.. your cat ate .. your gf haven't.."

Me: ( immediately gets in the car )..

[QueenBee]

denial, hehe.. that's pretty cute though.

A friend of mine said the craziest thing once.

"Let's run, I'm too tired to walk."
Yeah, that makes sense...

Maybe we should change the name of this thread to "Quotes" or something, so we can all share our funny, sad, etc. I know we had one like this before but that was foreeeevveeerrrr and let's not live in the past.

[denial]

Thanks Queenbee.. hehehe .. she was just a bit starving ..

Originally Posted by QueenBee

"Let's run, I'm too tired to walk."
Yeah, that makes sense...

AHAHAHAHAHA

[QueenBee]

denial, hehe I'm glad you find it funny... sometimes people say the strangest things.

As we're on a roll here, I thought I'd post one of my favorite quotes, the one currently in my signature:

"So dear I love him that with him
All deaths I could endure.
Without him, live no life."

-- John Milton

*Wipes a tear*

[Veggie Delite]

from bash.org too:

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

[QueenBee]

Veggie Delite, hahaha that one is so funny!
******!

[Veggie Delite]

i just read the whole page, and i was literally screaming from laughter

i still burst out laughing from time to time LOL

[QueenBee]

<DocWebstr> *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*
<Lazarus> Doc, you really gotta quit inhaling all that bullshit; it's not good for you.



People who know about HTML-language and stuff will get this one:
<cosmok> what is programming anymore, copy paste copy paste
<cosmok> copy, reorganize, paste, rework, paste
<kez> you missed a bit off the end
<cosmok> ?
<kez> </html>

<Psychic-A> if i move its vancouver
<Psychic-A> unless i can get in the usa...but its hard no?
<James> are you muslim?



<Shrike> those lesbians
<Shrike> is there anything they won't do
<Guardian_Latino> fuck men?

<cSk|Sperry> There were 2 people on a boat: /hop and /quit. /hop got off, who's still on the boat?
* nipple_frog has quit IRC



* Now talking in #israel
<Idiot-boy> Hey #israel! Soo... hitler.

<JibberJim> what should happen to your webpages if you drop dead?
<Jumper> is this a trick question ?

<`Kd> iv finally mastered my keyboars

[Veggie Delite]

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was





<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?





<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it
[Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point





<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?






DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.





docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)





<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker





<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/





<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK





<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.





<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind





<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "Cocuments and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder





<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P





<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)





<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.





<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.





<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4





<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit





<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )





<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice




IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"





<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns





<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.





<Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire> haha mendo
<spitfire> take a screen shot
<spitfire> wait
<spitfire> that made no sense





<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.





<Firefly> Time for my prayers:
<Firefly> Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
<Firefly> May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
<Firefly> May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
<Firefly> Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
<Firefly> And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
<Firefly> Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
<Firefly> For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.





<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the FUCK





<glacial> I love school
<glacial> Today our term paper due date's set
<glacial> Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.
<glacial> So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
<glacial> She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
<glacial> "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"





<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?





(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer





<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that





-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE





<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
<BronsonTheBeef> to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says 'sorry I'm late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms





<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song

[QueenBee]

<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song

My stomaaaach! I can't stop laughing!

*** Quits: nanm (Quit: Unable to join #real_life (You're banned))

* Ozak-shower hugs everyone
* Solinus runs from ozak
<Ozak-shower> oh shit
* Ozak-shower is now known as Ozak-Clothed

<yah-yah> what is CAPS ABUSE?
<Nyarlathotep-> half of your question

<Royce>
<Hynox> Why the sad face Royce?
<Royce> I just went to Ask Jeeves and searched for Thesorus.
<Royce> It told me i should look for a Dictionary first.

<Ingo>I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of "Uninstall Shield"

<MARSHALL> CAN YOU SPEAK IN BM
<Nikari> wtf is bm?
<MARSHALL> BM MEANS BAHASA MALAYSIA
<Nikari> Does everyone yell in Malasyia?
<MARSHALL> ARE YOU GIRL OR MAN
<Nikari> a very girly man. you?
<MARSHALL> YOU FIRST
<Nikari> ... that would make you a girl, then
<MARSHALL> I AM MAN
<Nikari> HEAR ME ROAR
<MARSHALL> WHAT YOU MENAS
<Nikari> It's an american joke. Do you have jokes in malaysia?
<MARSHALL> YES.IN MALAYSIA HAVE MANY JOKE.
<MARSHALL> ARE YOU WANT CAME TO MALAYSIA
<Nikari> Are you offering hot malaysian sex?
<MARSHALL> WHAT YOU MEANS
<Nikari> Well, when a man and woman love each other very much, he sticks his woo woo into her waa waa. And in very special circumstances, if two men love each other very much, he will stick his woo woo into the other guy's uh oh.
<MARSHALL> I CANOT LOVE NOW.I STILL STUDY
<Nikari> They're always time for love!
<MARSHALL> ARE YOU STILL STUDY?
<Nikari> When I'm not love.

[Veggie Delite]

woo-woo

waa-waa

*dies laughing*

[kishkash]

<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

OMFG LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

...and the potato thing...priceless...flowers are transitive...but POTATOS last forever

[freddie]

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE

That girl has a pimp by now, most likely.

[denial]

*kisses Queenbee on the forehead*
... darling honey babygirl .. go get some sleep .... *kiss kiss* ..

[QueenBee]

denial, I have a sleeping pill...
Not gonna take it though..

[denial]

oh okay .. I understand .. saw you before I slept last and you're still here this morning .. I'm off to work .. take care .. hugs.. sleep when can yes?

[QueenBee]

denial, of course.. I'll go sleep soon.
This makes me wonder..maybe I hang out here too much?!

Have fun at work.