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10-06-2005, 20:35 | #381 |
Участник
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Uhaku...I've lost the link and the one from the beginning doesn't work anymore
Could you give it again please ? Thanks a lot . |
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11-06-2005, 04:27 | #382 |
Uhaku's alter ego
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Sunny - That was ... beautiful... Thank u for liking my writing, and still remembering it till now. And I have you and sooz to thank for the details bits for 666! I so wish I could go back to those old times when I just wrote and not thinking about anything. No expectation I put on myself, etc. I give myself hell.
Nath - Awwwww. I would love to give u the link, but... my domain name has expired some times ago, they didn't even notified me! Now, I have no website or whatsoever. I'm really sorry! |
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Irina Slutskaya the champion of my heart I salute you! I know it's not the correct order of the colors of the Russian flag, but I want Irina in blue anyway. Yeehaw! |
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11-06-2005, 19:26 | #383 |
ex-sunnich
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uhaku, I can really relate to the feeling u r talking about now. It's been my curse for ages... trying to find perfection in something u do and always failing.. day after day.. week after week.. failing miserably and getting more and more frustrated with every day. And this fear of something u've done being not the best u could do is destructive. It leads to problems one better doesn't have. U know, I've been going to that Arts school for 5 damn years. I felt like I could draw... like I could fix all the mistakes and flaws I was seeing in works of others in my own piece of shit. Like I felt the perfect way but it never worked out in the end. And I began leaving my works half-done.. because it the only way to get close to perfection - leave space for improvement, leave urself moral right to think something special can come out in the end. And never letting this end happen... The feeling that last point is there and nothing else can be done was feeling like the death of what I was doing for me. Frustrating death as thought of how else it could be done would never leave me. I ended having lots of unfinished works in my room and ideas that never got chance to live. I even didn't come to the very last exam.. it wasn't exam even.. was the presentation of works done during last summer practice. I never came to that school to get my diploma.. I had no right to. It just had to be as unfinished as other things I've done there were. I wasn't something I could live with.
I've been trying myself in writing lol I got my stories and poems posted in local newspaper. I was getting applauses from people thinking I had something they didn't have. I hated those expectations they've put on me as my own were way higher and it seemed like they were happy with me writing real shit and were encouraging me to do it that way. Sometimes I find some of those writings in old notepads and copybooks. I try to read them and though I still can feel that nerve I had there, I feel ashamed for every damn word I wrote and throw them to the basket to never see them again. I got rid of most of those by now =) But u know what's fucked up? Universal perfection just doesn't exist and most of things that are perfect, are not worth it. Dot (.) is perfect in it's simplicity. There's nothing so finishished and perfectly-shaped when it comes to writing. Whenever ur writing is longer than this one dot, it's not perfect already and will never be no matter how hard u try. And the longer, the more descriptive and detailed ur writing is, the more space for mistakes and misinterpretations left and the futher it is from perfection. Things are just like that. You can't change it. I mean.. we are all just lame humans, u know. If I said ur book was perfect, I would lie. I can swear that many would find places in it, descriptions of feelings they can't relate to. But it's meant to be this way. U can't fit everyone's expectations. U can't make a solid picture of the pieces of many different puzzles. Things just don't work this way. U can say u did see books and other things u thought were perfect. But how many other people didn't see what u saw there? And are u sure author is so keen on the result him/herself? May be u should stop trying to fit everyone's taste at the same time and just concentrate on ur own feelings and the way u see things. It doesn't really matter what me, nath, sooz, whoever on this forum would do in some situation. It's always about the character.. his/her way of living this life. And it's always about u, coz in the end.. ur character IS u.. reflected, inversed, modified but still u. So reading ur own writing is like looking in the mirror: not always flattering but nessesary to learn to live with. I don't really know, but may be real talent is abot that... ability to accept ur own imperfection and learning to live with that improoving, trying new ways but never looking back? U should let it go. This book u wrote was good. It did touch the nerve of its readers and even if there were just one single word that made someone feel something.. it was worth it. U can go and change what u wrote now, u can be thinking of what u should write differently back then but u'll never get what u want. I'd be a different book with it's own flaws.. U did feel what u were writing. It wasn't writing for the sake of writing and any reader can see it. So for that particular moment it was right to write this way. U were on different moment of ur life and if u see things differently now, it doesn't mean what u did then doesn't have right to be. Ur readers are also each at there stage of life and they can relate to what u felt then and dont feel now. Leave it behind, stop thinking about how things should be, turn it to something u can look back and say proudly 'Yeah.. *I* did it. I wrote a book that made people feel'. U can't keep living with this all ur life unless u dont want to make 'How I was writing one book' book ur all-life work. U r too good for that, girl. Go on, put all the experience u have now into something else. It doesn't have to be writing even. U got this feeling of style. One just sees it by the way u made ur site look, by ur writing.. everything. It won't go away whatever u do. If u are fed up with writing now, try something else.. if u still feel u have something to say, go on and wtite another book. I really hope that '666' won't become the best book of ur life. But u did something worthy already, u let some of ur talent out.. it's just admirable for me personally. Now u should forget about expectations of others and just try to do ur best whatever u r doing. And I really wish u luck and envy ur talent I mean it. |
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12-06-2005, 17:46 | #384 | |||||||
Uhaku's alter ego
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I never regretted writing ‘666’. I bared my soul for it. I loved it. Even though I feel differently about it now, it’s because I decided to publish it because I want to see my ego printed on papers. That I would have something to show my father, needing his approval. That’s what I regretted sometimes. Like I tainted my works, ruining it with just one silly, rushed emotion. But I got away with it because I know I’m imperfect as well as my works. I have done fucked up things, and there were black spots in ‘666’ also. It helped me cope with it so far.
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I used to call ‘666’ a piece of shit, too. And you know what. I felt stupid afterwards because someone scolded at me (thru MSN) that I should never insult myself. She was right because I’ll never feel good if I can’t see myself in a positive light. What I do reflect myself, like you said. And I know now that I don’t wanna be ‘shit’. Quote:
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Irina Slutskaya the champion of my heart I salute you! I know it's not the correct order of the colors of the Russian flag, but I want Irina in blue anyway. Yeehaw! |
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12-06-2005, 22:08 | #385 | ||||
ex-sunnich
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Lol sorry for being messy.. what a day.. but well just |
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14-06-2005, 18:42 | #386 |
I'm a Dust Bunny!
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Montréal, Canada
Posts: 2,729
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To be flawed is to be human, to know that we are flawed is to be self-aware, to strive for perfection is to recognize self-improvement. ^_~
No one will ever be perfect, but trying to get there is where the fun is at, yo. Your writing gets better all the time. The stories you come up with? Some similarities, maybe, but all very original. The more you write, the more you refine, the more you find new ways to write and new ways to refine. Or I can help you with that part sometimes too. ~Echo. |
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Quietly weaving, Tiredly leaving, Another today, Again tomorrow Together dismay, And raining sorrow. Le noir, la gloire... On se demande bien. Mais comm' je t'adore, lorsque je m'endors... |
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19-06-2005, 14:37 | #387 |
Uhaku's alter ego
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Thank u Sunny for ur insight. Seriously, reading ur post made me worry about u
more than my own dilema. U r all serious, while I'm just a silly one, complaining. May the force be with u! (Ok, enough starwars mania) And thanks Ec, there will be a time when I need ur help to refine my writing. And there will be so much work that u'll wish u never offered the service! LOL! |
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Irina Slutskaya the champion of my heart I salute you! I know it's not the correct order of the colors of the Russian flag, but I want Irina in blue anyway. Yeehaw! |
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03-08-2005, 17:02 | #388 |
Uhaku's alter ego
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TO WIN A FREE ‘666’ BOOK, PLEASE READ CAREFULLY! Because my friend mistakenly placed multiple orders of ‘666’, she was generous enough to give them to me for free. I have TWO hardcover of ‘666’ sitting on my shelf now I don’t know what to do with them. So I make some contest for the readers who CAN NOT get the book online to compete for these 2 hardcover books. I don’t care where you are in the world I will send it to you if you win the contest. The shipping cost is on me! I know that several people outside of the US and UK have difficulty finding the book, so I just want to let everyone know that I want two HARDCORE fans of ‘666’, who cannot possibly get the books online, to win these from me. If you already own the book, or have a shot to get it online in the future without these prizes, but feel like participating just to show off how well you know the story, then be my guest! LOL! The dateline to submit your answers is Oct 5, 2005. If you do know someone who is dying to get the book, you better tell them fast. I only got 2 books with me. Can’t afford more. LOL. PM the answers to me (my tatu dot US or tatysite account) so you’ll feel safe that no one is stealing your insights. No email please, unless you’re desperate. LOL! The first two who got the most points will win. I don’t care about your horrid English, so save the excuse and try to answer them! ************************************************** ***************** FACTS: It’s been over a year since ‘666’ was finished, so you can go around and ask people for answers. You can cheat or beat the shit out of somebody for the answers I don’t care as long as I don’t know! Some of them may require some research, but that’s not so hard. (5 points each) 1. Which website was ‘666’ first hosted? 2. How long was ‘666’ supposed to be at first? 3. What was the real number of the cottage? 4. Which song from Manic Street Preachers was the inspiration of the story? 5. Where did L and Y have their first kiss? 6. What was the color of Lena’s panties at the audition? 7. Why did Lena move in with her father? 8. Who was Lena’s mother’s ‘pretty boy’? 9. What was Yulia’s part-time job? 10. What was Lena’s part-time job? 11. What did Mikhail do with the money he borrowed from Yulia? 12. Where was the first time Yulia admitted her love for Lena? 13. What was prior occupation of Mikhail? 14. Who was the friend who always ate Lena’s lunch? 15. What was the breaking point that drove L and Y apart for good? 16. Who gave the revolver to Lena? 17. What was the token of love between Mikhail and his lover? 18. Who took Y to a clinic to have an abortion? 19. Almost at the end of the story, what city L planned to move to? 20. Throw a wild guess here, people (or do some extensive research at tatysite)! How many editors, permanent and temporary, had edited ‘666’? *Bonus question*: (10 points) How many stories Uhaku (aka Sith) have written/started? Sequel counted as one. And we have the ‘search’ button for some reason! BTW, I have been to only 2 main tatu websites. *Gives a big hint* and *Walks off* ************************************************** ****************** FUNS: Take your time to answer these. It is quite subjective. But rest assured that I’m not bias whose answers they are. I’m looking for constructive criticism from the answers. If you praise me for no reason, then I think you won’t win. So answer them true to yourself! (20 points each) • What do you think the number ‘666’ stands for in this story? • Which character in the story you identify with the most? Why? • What scene was most memorable to you? Why? • Quote a line (or more) from the story that you truly believed in. Why? • If you were the author, what would you change in the story? Feel free to let your imagination run wild! I’m not easily offended! HAVE FUN and GOOD LUCK! |
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Irina Slutskaya the champion of my heart I salute you! I know it's not the correct order of the colors of the Russian flag, but I want Irina in blue anyway. Yeehaw! |
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03-08-2005, 21:57 | #389 |
Gimme some sugar!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,572
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i had the whole story saved on my computer, but then my hard drive crashed and blah... :-/
without that i ain't no hard core fan, coz my memory pretty much sucks.... |
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20-08-2005, 08:08 | #390 |
my iron lung
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uhaku, check mine
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"buzz lightyear to starcommand, starcommand come in" |
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12-10-2005, 17:13 | #391 |
Uhaku's alter ego
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omg, i think i'm a late here for the deadline. Ok. It's official. Serbiantatu and Freakinsonnu won the books from me. Big applause to Serbian because she answered most questions right. Kudo to you. And FreakinSonnu, who answered most of the questions wrong, but cared enough to PM me. Just put the effort in PMing. You got it! It's easier than you thought.
And Febrika, dear, you already got the book! I knoooooow! Looool. Now, the winners, PM me again for your addresses. I will be getting the book from my friend in a few weeks, i hope u guys can hold on until then!! Cheers to 666! |
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Irina Slutskaya the champion of my heart I salute you! I know it's not the correct order of the colors of the Russian flag, but I want Irina in blue anyway. Yeehaw! |
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12-10-2005, 17:17 | #392 |
Участник
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uhaku, You still don't have the link for I read the book ?.......
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12-10-2005, 23:07 | #393 |
Gimme some sugar!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,572
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i'm jealous! but i'll stalk serbiantatu until she gives me the book to read it!
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15-10-2005, 21:43 | #394 |
MoonMate *27*
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*doing happy dance* I won i won! I cant wait to read it! Thank You Lin for being so nice to give books!!!!
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People Dont Change, They Just Get Older |
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18-10-2005, 13:23 | #395 |
Прохожий
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3
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*joining serbiantatus happy dance*
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20-10-2005, 05:25 | #396 | |
my iron lung
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Icemera, but i dont have the hardcover one! 2 different things u know .. |
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"buzz lightyear to starcommand, starcommand come in" |
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