[Me Am Hulk]

The t.A.T.u. Escapades!

By Me Am Hulk

Episode VI: ALL GROW'D UP - 2021, Eighteen Years Later...

EPILOGUE ONE - LENA:

INT. - OBSTETRICS - DAY

Elena Katina Sorokinova is in the throes of labor. Her belly is swollen with nine months worth of human
cargo. Her eyes are bulging out of their sockets, her teeth are grit together as a GROAN escapes her throat.
She ain't her usual pretty self. As a matter a fact, she looks damn silly. The OBSTETRICIAN hovers over her.

OBSTETRICIAN:
Keep breathing, Elena!
You're gonna make it!

ELENA:
GRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRR!

Vladimir - her husband - is at the door, holding a mini-DV camera.

VLADIMIR:
You're doing just fine,
honey! Breathe with the
contractions! C'mon!

Little Lenochka is standing on a stool, jumping up and down excitedly. She is wearing a cheerleader
costume with two huge pom-poms.

LENOCHKA:
(Chanting)
Push mommy, push!
PUSH PUSH PUSH!!!
Grit those teeth, and
GIVE A BIG PUSH!!!

Elena HUFFS, PUFFS, and GROWLS.

OBSTETRICIAN:
I can see the baby crowning,
Just a little ways to go!

VLADIMIR:
Ohhhh, I can't believe I'm
getting this all on video!

ELENA:
Vlad, you point that lens
away from my... thing this
instant! OOOOWWWWWWWW!

Lenochka squat-thrusts on the stool with the pom-poms pushing back and forth.

LENOCHKA:
(Chanting)
PUSH 'ER OUT, SHOVE 'ER OUT,
WAAAAAAAAYYYY OUT!!!

Elena's eyes roll into the back of her head and lets out a great, big ROAR.

OBSTETRICIAN:
We've got her out!
The baby's out!

LENOCHKA:
(Hollers)
YAAAAAYYYY, TEAM!!!

VLADIMIR:
Ohhh, darling! She's
covered in blood and
snot and gunk, but she's
beautiful!

ELENA:
(Heaves a great sigh.)
Oh she is? Oh let me
see her!

OBSTETRICIAN:
Hold on, we'll clean her
up first! Aaaaaaaand...
Here she is!

The obstetrician holds the baby girl upside down for Elena to see.

ELENA:
Ohhhh, my darling child!
My new little baby girl!
Let me see... WHAT TH'

Dripping wet with water, umbilicus still attached, the spiky-coiffed infant face of Yulia Ivanova Anastacia
Blimunda Volkova greets her mother with a wide smile.

LI'L BABY YULI:
My sistah!
WHAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUP?

ELENA:
HOLY HONKIN' FUCK!!!

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. - ELENA'S BEDROOM, 2021 - DAWN

Elena bolts upright in her bed SCREAMING her russet-maned head off! She clutches her chest and regains
her breath in ragged gasps.

ELENA:
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod
ohmygodohmygodohmy--

Elena's hands reach down to her flat belly. She grabs the covers of her bed and peeks underneath. She
flops back against the pillows and SIGHS.

ELENA:
Unbelievable.

The door to her room pops open, and Lenochka enters. She places a glass of ice water on the night table.

LENOCHKA:
Are you okay, mommy?

Elena nods, grabs the glass, and gulps down a mouthful of water.

ELENA:
Yeah, Lenochka. Mommy's
fine. I think...

LENOCHKA:
(giggles)
You thounded like you
gave birth to a hippo!

ELENA:
Wha--? Gave birth?
Me?

Elena grabs Lenochka and gathers her into her arms.

ELENA:
Lenochka? How many
kids do we have?

Lenochka blinks once, twice, three times, and CHUCKLES.

LENOCHKA:
There'th jutht me, mumsie!

ELENA:
Really? Oh, thank GAWD!

LENOCHKA:
Why? Do you wanna
hyth-terectomy or
thome-thing?

ELENA:
WHAT? No, no, no!
Of couse not, silly!

Elena gives her daughter a big hug.

ELENA:
Oooooh, my widdwe baby
girl!

Lenochka hands her mom an envelope.

LENOCHKA:
Daddy thaid we juth got
thith in the mail!

ELENA:
From who?

LENOCHKA:
From Yulia!

Elena GULPS, and takes the envelope with a shaky hand. She opens it, and pulls out a wad of
roubles with a note.

ELENA:
What the hell?

Elena reads the note out loud.

ELENA:
"Dear Raggedy Arse--
um, Dear Lena, by
time you read this
letter, I'll have
stowed me and my
hummer away on a freighter
bound for the States!
Russian customs can be
such a bi--"

Elena looks over at her daughter and CLEARS her throat.

ELENA:
"I'm so-o-o-o-o-o-o
sorry about smashing
you dinky little Russkie-
mobile! This ought to
cover the damages. I was
so happy to see your lovely
little daughter and your
hot, hunky, hubby! If I
weren't queer I swear I'd..."

Elena looks at her daughter, who smiles sweetly. Elena CLEARS her throat.

ELENA:
ANYWAYS, "...You simply
have to visit me and
Peaches and the In-Vitro
Patch here in the U. S.
of A! They're just dying
to meet you all! Hugs
and slobbery kisses,
Yulia Ivanova Anastacia
Blimunda Volkova."

Elena SIGHS. Lenochka leans against her mother and gives her a big hug.

LENOCHKA:
Can we visit them sometime,
Mommy?

Elena GROANS, CHUCKLES, and ruffles her daughter's hair.

ELENA:
I think Mommy needs a little
recuperation time before we
pay 'em a visit, okay?
(She kisses Lenochka.)
Nighty-night, Rainbow-Brite!

Lenochka springs from the bed. Elena reaches into the night-table and palms her
meditation balls.

ELENA:
(Chants.)
Om Padme Tara
AAA-UUU-MMMM...

LENOCHKA:
Don't play with your
balls mommy, that's
gross!

ELENA:
Duh?

Elena gawks at Lenochka, who GIGGLES and leaves the room.

Elena slumps against the pillow a third time and R-O-O-O-O-O-O-L-L-L-L-L-S her eyes.

ELENA:
(Growls.)
Ooooooooh, Yuli...
If ever I get my
HANDS ON YOU...