i've read this more times than usual, and one thing keeps popping into my mind... perhaps, uhaku, this feeling (be it whatever it is..) brings u closer to ur mom. a kinship of feeling the same thing. of knowing what should be done (the masquerade part) and how to maintain it.
i would say, in a sentence, that this author is trying to finally coming-to-terms with their relationship with thier mother. u, ofcourse, can interpret it in any way.
(oh well.. still a powerful peice)...
-skrt
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