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Originally Posted by uhaku
I never regretted writing ‘666’. I bared my soul for it. I loved it. Even though I feel differently about it now, it’s because I decided to publish it because I want to see my ego printed on papers. That I would have something to show my father, needing his approval. That’s what I regretted sometimes. Like I tainted my works, ruining it with just one silly, rushed emotion. But I got away with it because I know I’m imperfect as well as my works. I have done fucked up things, and there were black spots in ‘666’ also. It helped me cope with it so far.
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I wasn't talking about regretting doing something. I was talking about seeing things differently with every new day and getting more and more doubts that what u did could be done better even if it felt so right and true when u were writing it. And publishing ur work was a right way I believe. It's the best way for perfectionist to move on lol I mean without going back and changing changing changing untill u get to the point when u grow up so much, that even idea itself seems worthless and u see how u just wasted ur time on something that was right only once in ur life.. when u wrote it. And well.. writing is a public striptease, there's no way one can watch it videotaped without feeling bit ashamed and vulnerable.. even if that show was a pure art lol
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Originally Posted by uhaku
There is always a room to improve, but always end it even though you know that. The only thing you could do is taking the ideas for improvement with you to the next piece. Think of your life as a huge canvas, Sunny. The canvas is a collage of many different paintings u painted all through your life. Sure, the little paintings can be boring, fucked up, or beautiful, depending on your mood at the time. The collage of your life will never be finished until you die. That’s the only chance you’ll see all of it with your own eyes. And let God judge you with that collage. (I maybe a little off here! Forgive me! LOL!)
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I think about it in the same way.. lol just well.. Im an atheist and notgiveashit-ist at the moment. I just do something when I feel like and then pretend its not mine. I look at it like it was done by someone else and I can always do better. And when I need, I feel happy with the fact I did something... not thinking about HOW i did it and how it COULD be done. Like if i was u, Id be taking it as 'oh, i wrote a book that more than one person liked, isnt me cool' and use at as self-ego booster giving me strength to go on. I've quitted painting anyway.. I went looking for new things and some of those I felt much comfortable with. I made mistakes, I screwed my own life at some point as many ppl would think, but Im happy with it. I just move on with the experienced I gained without giving myself hell for what I did. Im more thinking about what I WILL do.
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Originally Posted by uhaku
I don’t believe talent will take anyone so far. I think talent needs perseverance, courage and passion to get where we want, even to realize our own imperfection takes courage to do it. I think looking back is okay to some extent. How could you see flaws when u don’t look back?
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U dont have to come back all the time to somethng u did to learn from ur own mistakes. U can just remember and try doing something new and better without thinking about ur past works all the time. There are more gifted people than we usually see. They have good ideas and ability to express themselves. But what they fail in is accepting themselves and all their 'talents' are useless as far as nothing comes out of them. This is what I meant.
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Originally Posted by uhaku
The problem that always plagues my life is my inability to think proudly of myself. There’s always something bad I see. I’m a cynic. I feel small. Jesus!
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If one day u dont see something bad about urself, THEN u should get really worried. I mean lol u r good, we know that u r good. And we also know u can get better. Just forget about mistakes done and instead of thinking about how bad u were, try to actually become better in future. I guess its better this way.
Lol sorry for being messy.. what a day.. but well just
