[Uhaku]

I never regretted writing ‘666’. I bared my soul for it. I loved it. Even though I feel differently about it now, it’s because I decided to publish it because I want to see my ego printed on papers. That I would have something to show my father, needing his approval. That’s what I regretted sometimes. Like I tainted my works, ruining it with just one silly, rushed emotion. But I got away with it because I know I’m imperfect as well as my works. I have done fucked up things, and there were black spots in ‘666’ also. It helped me cope with it so far.

And I began leaving my works half-done.. because it the only way to get close to perfection - leave space for improvement, leave urself moral right to think something special can come out in the end. And never letting this end happen...

There is always a room to improve, but always end it even though you know that. The only thing you could do is taking the ideas for improvement with you to the next piece. Think of your life as a huge canvas, Sunny. The canvas is a collage of many different paintings u painted all through your life. Sure, the little paintings can be boring, fucked up, or beautiful, depending on your mood at the time. The collage of your life will never be finished until you die. That’s the only chance you’ll see all of it with your own eyes. And let God judge you with that collage. (I maybe a little off here! Forgive me! LOL!)

I've been trying myself in writing lol I got my stories and poems posted in local newspaper. I was getting applauses from people thinking I had something they didn't have. I hated those expectations they've put on me as my own were way higher and it seemed like they were happy with me writing real shit and were encouraging me to do it that way.

Cool!!! You should be proud, Sunny! They were happy for you and there was no other reason but that they loved you. You made them proud.

I used to call ‘666’ a piece of shit, too. And you know what. I felt stupid afterwards because someone scolded at me (thru MSN) that I should never insult myself. She was right because I’ll never feel good if I can’t see myself in a positive light. What I do reflect myself, like you said. And I know now that I don’t wanna be ‘shit’.

Dot (.) is perfect in it's simplicity. There's nothing so finishished and perfectly-shaped when it comes to writing. Whenever ur writing is longer than this one dot, it's not perfect already and will never be no matter how hard u try. And the longer, the more descriptive and detailed ur writing is, the more space for mistakes and misinterpretations left and the futher it is from perfection.

I love this metaphor, Sunny! Yes, writing can’t fit everyone’s taste. 666 was longer than a dot because I wasn’t afraid to fall. I had nothing to lose. Nobody ever thought I could do anything all my life. I didn’t even think I could finish anything either. But now it’s kinda different, and I’m just chicken out… I’m the biggest chicken around.

U can say u did see books and other things u thought were perfect. But how many other people didn't see what u saw there?

It’s what art is for. There’s no mathematical equation for it. No rocket scientist can ever calculate how art can be perfect for everyone. That’s why I love art. It’s all about freedom, eh.

I don't really know, but may be real talent is abot that... ability to accept ur own imperfection and learning to live with that improoving, trying new ways but never looking back?

I don’t believe talent will take anyone so far. I think talent needs perseverance, courage and passion to get where we want, even to realize our own imperfection takes courage to do it. I think looking back is okay to some extent. How could you see flaws when u don’t look back?

Leave it behind, stop thinking about how things should be, turn it to something u can look back and say proudly 'Yeah.. *I* did it. I wrote a book that made people feel'.

The problem that always plagues my life is my inability to think proudly of myself. There’s always something bad I see. I’m a cynic. I feel small. Jesus!

I really hope that '666' won't become the best book of ur life.

I’m touched. Thank you! Much!