[Me Am Hulk]

The t.A.T.u. Escapades!

By Me Am Hulk

Episode VI: ALL GROW'D UP - 2021, Eighteen Years Later...

EPILOGUE TWO - YULIA:

EXT. - YULIA'S/PEACHES' HOUSE, GEORGIA, 2021 - DUSK

The Volkova kids - CROSBY and DAVID are playing on the front lawn. Peaches is on the front porch,
knitting. Yulia's Monster Humvee pulls up to the curb.

CUT TO:

INT. - YULIA'S HUMMER - DUSK

Yulia peeks out through the windshield at the domestic scene playing out in front of her. She is
clutching a box of candy and a bunch of roses with her free hand.

YULIA:
(murmurs)
Ohhh, please let her be
in a good mood.

CUT TO:

EXT. - YULIA'S/PEACHES' HOUSE, GEORGIA - DUSK

Yulia leaps out of the Hummer, grinning a lopsided grin. Crosby and David look up from their toys and
grin crookedly at Yulia.

DAVID:
(To Peaches)
Momma! Pa's come home!

Crosby skips up to Yulia.

CROSBY:
Howdy, Poppa!

Yulia ruffles Crosby's tousled hair.

YULIA:
Hey there, li'l darlin'!

Peaches ambles up to Yulia and Crosby, smiling sweetly, with one hand behind her back. David
trails after her mother, GIGGLING.

PEACHES:
(Southern Accent)
Well howdy, Pa!

YULIA:
Err... hey there, Ma!

PEACHES:
Did yew enjoy yore two-
week visit to Moscow?

YULIA:
Sure did, honey!

PEACHES:
Yore "two week visit"
that stretched out to
a WHOLE MONTH?

Crosby and David GIGGLE louder. Yulia shuffles her feet.

YULIA:
Oh! Well you know how
it is! Freight Fees an'
customs an' border patrols
an' forged I.D.s and... Oh!
Looky here!

From behind her back Yulia produces the rose bouquet and the chocolate box.

YULIA:
For you, my Georgia Peach!

PEACHES:
Well land's sakes! That
IS awfully sweet of yew,
Julie-kins!

Yulia flushes while the kids hold the flowers and candy for their Momma.

PEACHES:
It just so happens that I
cooked up a little special
something for you to welcome
you home!

YULIA:
REALLY? Aw, Peachy-pie!
You're too sweet for a
rowdy butch like me!

PEACHES:
Some would argue.

YULIA:
What'cha make fer me,
Peaches? Huh?
What'cha make?

PEACHES:
(Grins evilly.)
One Custard Pie!

YULIA:
Whoa boy,
ONE CUSTARD PIE???
LEMME HAVE IT!!!@

PEACHES:
With pleasure!

From behind her back, Peaches whips out a large custard pie and SMASHES it into Yulia's face with
a great, messy SPLAT!!!

Crosby and David burst out LAUGHING!

Joining in the JEERING and HOOTING is Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels, as they peek over
the tall fence from the yard next door.

Peaches steps back to admire her handiwork.

PEACHES:
Ah want yew cleaned up
and puttin' them kids
to sleep in HALF AN HOUR,
and don't yew DARE run
off on any more o' them
ESCAPADES, you... you...
OOOOOOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOHH!!!

Peaches turns about face and marches through the entrance of their humble home, SLAMMING the door
shut.

Yulia is left on the lawn with chunks of custard pie oozing off her face, her kids and her neighbors
WHOOPING with amusement.

Yulia wipes a chunk of custard off her face and licks it off one finger.

YULIA:
Cinammon... Brown
Sugar... Phew! She
still loves me!

CROSBY:
Momma sure got you this
time, Pa!

DAVID:
Yew sher walked into that
one Poppa Jules!

YULIA:
(Sighs.)
Yeah, I sure did.

Yulia sinks to one knee and spreads her arms out to her kids.

YULIA:
Give Pop a hug?

CROSBY:
Ewww, no way!

DAVID:
We been on the grass
all day, and we're
STILL cleaner than yew!

Melissa and Tammy SHOUT over the fence.

MELISSA:
(Guffaws)
Get them kids to bed, Poppa!

TAMMY LYNN:
(Snickers)
And make yoreself presentable!

Yulia smirks, takes Crosby and David by the hand and leads them to the front door.

YULIA:
It'll be so good to crawl
back into my own bed...

CROSBY:
(Giggles.)
Momma said you can't sleep
indoors!

DAVID:
(Chuckles.)
Yeah Pa, she said yore gonna
have ta sleep out on the
hammock agin!

YULIA:
The hammock... aw man, I'm
gonna spend half my life on
that damn hammock...

FADE TO BLACK.

THAT'S ALL THERE IS
THERE AIN'T NO MO'.

************************************************** ************************************************** *****
NOTES:

VLADIMIR SOROKIN - like Yulia Volkova, Elena Katina, and Ivan Shapovolov - is an actual person
whom I have "kidnapped" to appear in my fan fiction. He is the author of what is reportedly the
most controversial novel in modern Russia: "Goluboye Salo", which translates into "Gay Lard"
or "Blue Lard" ("Blue" being Russian slang for "gay.") For more information about Sorokin and
"Goluboye Salo", read "Letter From Russia: Teen Spirit", Gary Shteyngart's article in the March 10, 2003
issue of The New Yorker. Or just look up the author and/or title on Amazon.com. The article features
both Sorokin and "The Girls," which is what gave me the perverse idea of marrying Sorokin and Ms. Katina
in the first place! :P

SONG & MOVIE CREDITS for all Prologues, Chapters and Epilogues.

* Fred Durst was an exec for Interscope records, for a while anyway. Maybe he still is, damned
if I know...

** "September" (Charles Stepney, Maurice & Verdine White) Performed by Earth, Wind, and Fire

*** "Back in the USSR" (Paul McCartney) Performed by the Beatles

**** "The Terminator" Written and Directed by James Cameron

<>"John Ritchie" is Sid Vicious' real name.

+ "Teach Your Children Well," and "_____" Written and Performed by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young

++ "Do That To Me (One More Time)," by Tenille and the Captain

+++ "The Immigrant Song" (Page/Plant) Performed by Led Zeppelin

+++ "Not Gonna Get Us" Performed by Napalm Death... KIDDING!

@ Punchline courtesy of "Tom & Jerry in Quiet Please!" - MGM

SAINT PEETAZBURG BLOODS IN FULL EFFECK, DAWG!!!!