[vicky7]

Thinking about Anouska always hurt her deeply but her dreams the previous night had tormented her more than usual. Bizarrely pizza was flying around her head and no matter how hard she tried and how high she jumped it was forever out of her reach. Laughter began to echo all around her and at first as she spun around to see where it was coming from bewilderingly there wasn’t anyone in sight.

“Is anybody there?” she yelled her voice bouncing off the walls in reply. Complete confusion..

Then they appeared. Her parents were standing with Anouska and Sasha laughing and pointing at Yulia. “Stop, please, stop!” she pleaded. In the end she gave up sitting down and burying her head in her lap as she tried to drown the laughter out, the noise twirled round her head. Why wouldn’t they stop laughing? All of a sudden the laughter cut out someone scooping her up in their arms and holding her close. They felt so warm and soft and smelt so sweet. When she looked up she saw the face of an angel, an angel with sparkling green eyes and red hair. Lena…

With her head caught up in the past Yulia hadn’t noticed hunger set in and feeling decidedly weak and dizzy she needed to rest so she sat down in a vacant alleyway as far out of sight as possible. She had set aside her usual numbness that day as the feeling she should be spending her birthday with people who loved her really hurt because there wasn’t anyone who even cared. The thought overcame her not for the first time that day Yulia’s body racked with sobs wrapping her arms around herself trying to regain some form of control but she couldn’t stop the tears coming long and hard until the day had turned into night and the tears translated into a tiredness that sent her into a deep sleep.

Yulia awoke with a start she could hear men’s drunken voices shouting and slurring their words and then she saw them. Three large men in their thirties dwarfing her grinning menacingly. Yulia gulped nervously she knew she was in trouble. “Hey little girl do you want some money?” Yulia didn’t answer and a hail of coins rained down upon her.

“STOP!” Yulia yelled trying to protect herself, she was struck several times in the face and it was stinging painfully from the impact of the coins blood flowing freely from the wounds.

“Is that enough for you? So can we f**k you now little girl?” one of the yobbos sneered.

This tipped Yulia over the edge, she refused to be their victim. She stood up and kneed the guy in the groin barging her way between the other men her elbows pointed out in self-defence. She ran as fast as her small body could carry her weaving her way through the streets until she was safe from the chasing pack relieved they were drunk and leaden footed.

Now she was back at her doorway the one where she had met Lena. She leant against the shop door inhaling and exhaling frantically trying to catch her breathe, her heart pounding in her chest and her ears, her legs starting to give way until she had slid down the door and onto the floor. What she would give to see Lena now, just twenty four hours ago she had given her hope now it had completely evaporated into thin air.

Yulia could feel that she had several cuts on her face, which were bleeding profusely. She raised a hand to touch her face stroking her fingers slowly over the broken skin, drawing them back in front of her face to see they were stained red with blood. She needed to clean up so she decided to head to the public toilet a few blocks away. On the way she looked around nervously and hopefully at the same time part of her scared she would see the gang and the other eager to catch a glimpse of Lena but she saw neither.

When she entered the toilets she looked around to find that no one was there and felt relieved as she knew she looked like shit and wanted to be left alone. When she looked into the mirror the extent of her injuries caught her off guard. She had several diminutive cuts on her face but there was a large gash under her right eye that oozed blood and was swelling up rapidly.

Yulia examined herself more intensely in the mirror the image of the girl in front of her causing tears to stream down her bloodied dirty face. The girl’s eyes lacked life, her skin grey, her features bony and hollow and her hair a greasy mass of split ends and knots. This was not Yulia Volkova. She was dead. Yulia took one last look at herself in the mirror and everything became clear all at once. She knew exactly what she had to do…

Yulia was determined. It all had to end. All of it. The shit. She couldn’t take it. No more. She refused. It had gone on long enough. Nobody understood her. They didn’t even try. She wished she had never been born. Why did it matter anymore? The world didn’t want her. But she didn’t want the world. Well f**k the world. F**k her parents. F**k Anouska and Sasha. F**k life. She was about to.

The corner shop was still open and Yulia could see through the window that the shop assistant was busy serving a long queue of customers. It was time to put her plan into action. She casually walked into the shop trying not to draw attention to herself walking down the shop aisle until she found what she wanted. She looked around carefully to find that there were no security cameras in the store and that she was the only one in the aisle so she quickly grabbed a large bottle of headache tablets from the shelf sliding them into her pocket. She looked around her again there was still no one there to notice.

The second part of her plan was more difficult and sure to draw attention to her but she needed to do it to ensure the plan would succeed. If she was going to die it had to be painless because deep down under all her bravado she was a coward, why else did she run away from it all? The alcohol was kept in a glass chiller adjacent to the till so she would have to be pretty crafty in order to escape from the shop unnoticed. The queue at the till point was still long and she could see that the old man serving looked tired and stressed obviously wishing it was closing time. She could do this she knew it.

She saw a large bottle of vodka on the shelf and picked it up pretending to be looking at the label, she made the mistake of looking round and saw several people eyeing her suspiciously. She panicked, scared. What if they took the bottle off her and she was unable to execute her plan. She ran out of the shop to shouts from some customers and continued to run for several minutes until she felt entirely sure that nobody was chasing her.

When she slowed down she saw she was alone and calmed down for the first time in ages she had managed to do something right she smiled to herself bitterly. The signs were all telling her to do it. She took the cap off the bottle and took a deep slug of vodka. It burned her insides as she swallowed but it was a pleasurable pain. She pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket and emptied some of the contents of the bottle onto the palm of her hand studying the small white round tablets that would end her misery. She popped one into her mouth taking another slug of vodka to wash it down before continuing to swallow more and more pills and vodka until everything went hazy and her worries slipped away. Goodbye…



“I’m gonna call the police” the shopkeeper yelled angrily, he was always targeted by the homeless bums and he was sick of it. “I know who that girl is, she sleeps in the doorway down the street, and I’m gonna get her ass busted!”

“Don’t!” a voice from the queue shouted a pretty red head stepping forward. “Don’t call the police, I’ve talked to her before she’s a nice girl…she was just probably desperate…”

“What-for vodka? Food I can understand because the kid’s so scrawny but vodka?”

Lena couldn’t defend her, she didn’t understand what Yulia had just done but she wasn’t going to let the old man phone the police. “Look, here this will cover the vodka please take it but don’t phone the police” Lena handed him a large note the anger on his face diminishing when he saw that he had made a profit.

“Well ok Miss but if you see that little runt assure her that if I catch her in my store again she’s going to jail!” Lena nodded she didn’t want to listen to him go on much longer she needed to find Yulia, she had let Lena down and she was going to hear about it that was for sure, no more Miss nice Lena. Did they all take her for some kind of wimp?



Lena power walked down the street, stopping at Yulia’s doorway and seeing no sign of her. Where the hell was the little vagabond? Lena could feel her anger slowly ebbing away she was beginning to worry now. Was Yulia alright? She continued to walk down the long road until she was met with a dead end-she would have to turn back and look for the little girl elsewhere but she didn’t know where to start. Then out of the corner of her eye she noticed a diminutive figure sat on the floor a few metres away. It was Yulia she was staring wide eyed up to the sky cradling the stolen bottle of vodka, which appeared to be half empty at the very least.

Lena ran over to her eager to vent her frustrations on Yulia the concern she was feeling suddenly reverting to anger through the sheer relief of finding her. “Yulia, Yulia what the fuck are you playing at?”

Yulia smiled goofily at Lena, her blue eyes glazed over. “An angel?” she asked out loud confused but would an angel really swear at her but she was so lovely she simply had to be on Yulia reasoned with herself.

“I don’t know what the f**k you’re talking about but come on you’re coming home with me but god you’ll wish you’ve never been born when I’ve finished with you” Lena could feel she was red in the face with fury but she was deeply concerned she wanted to sober her up and then kill her- that was the plan anyway.

Yulia giggled “You’re such a funny angry angel, come on chill out and have some vodka?” Yulia held out the bottle to Lena but it slipped through her fingers smashing into several fragments of glass.

“Awww noo, I like vodka I want more!”

“Well tough sh*t! We’re going home!” Lena pulled Yulia up off the floor but despite her being a tiny girl her drunkenness made it very awkward for Lena to help her walk as Yulia had no control over her limbs whatsoever. As Lena put one of Yulia’s arms around her neck and pulled her close to her in order to take her weight she noticed that her face was covered in cuts and redoubled her efforts to get her home as quickly as possible. Someone had hurt her Lena was sure of that but she was going to make it better but she needed to get her back to the apartment first.

After a few minutes of difficulty with Yulia seemingly about to doze off they reached Lena’s apartment block. The doorman eyed Yulia snobbishly obviously wondering what the hell Lena was doing bringing such a cretin into the luxurious apartment building but Lena was too occupied with Yulia to care. She knew she would have to take her up in the lift because no way on earth would she be able to carry her up four flights of stairs, she would have to face her fear.

In Lena’s struggle to press the lift button part and carry Yulia at the same time Lena lost grip of Yulia and she tumbled to the floor a bottle of pills falling out of her coat pocket. Lena picked it up examining the label, the bottle was missing quite a number of pills and alarm bells started to go off in her head …

“Yulia what have you done?” Lena yelled looking down at Yulia on the floor.

“I can’t take it anymore it has to end…” she mumbled, her eyes rolling unable to focus any longer, she wanted to go to sleep forever..



The lift doors burst open Lena and Yulia nearly falling through them as Lena struggled to carry Yulia’s weight as well as her own. She felt suddenly light headed the implications of what Yulia had done hitting her hard. She had to think clearly though and she had to do it now.

She struggled to get the key into the lock on her front door as her hand was shaking so badly but eventually she managed to get the key in the door and turned the lock dragging Yulia inside the apartment. Then she lay her down quickly on the sofa and ran outside into the corridor and pounded her fists on a nearby door.

“Dominik, Dominik, open up it’s Lena! I need you to help me!” she yelled desperately. Dominik appeared at the door in just his underpants, his hair rumpled, looking half asleep it was after all half past eleven at night and he was due in work early the following morning. Dominik was a doctor so Lena was relying on him to be able to help Yulia.

“Lena what’s the matter?” he asked concerned in a stupor.

“This girl who I know on the streets she’s taken a lot of pills and drank a lot of vodka, I don’t know what to do, please, please help me!”

Dominik sprang into action now wide awake as the adrenalin kicked in. He was used to dealing with emergencies and he did grabbed his doctors briefcase and hurried out into the hallway and into Lena’s apartment leaving Lena trailing behind, she was in a trance shocked at what was happening.

When they arrived in the apartment Yulia was lying flat out on the sofa her mouth wide open and her eyes shut. Lena held her breathe tears beginning to stream down her face and neck. Yulia was dead and it was all her fault she was sure of it.

Dominik went over to Yulia’s limp body and checked her pulse it was weak but she was still alive , just.. There was no time to get her to the hospital, if Yulia was to survive now was the time he would have to bring her round by vigorously pumping her stomach. The harmful substances had to be removed from her body and he didn’t have time to waste.

Lena watched on silently crying all the time Dominik was saving Yulia. She really liked this girl. Although, she had only met her once she had enjoyed talking to her, Yulia had seemed happy in spite of her circumstances and then she had met Lena and decided to end it all, what did that say about her? Had she been the one to push her over the edge she had left her rather abruptly the previous night had she upset her?

Life was so cruel. Lena and Yulia had more in common than Yulia would probably realise and Lena was determined that once, if, Dominik revived Yulia she would make sure she would never feel so bad again in her life.

Lena heard retching noises as Dominik started to successfully revive Yulia. Dominik talked kindly and patiently to Yulia trying his best to comfort her. Thank god for him or else Yulia would have been dead. As it was she was deadly pale fluttering her eyes very slowly, her brow awash with sweat and vomit all down her face and front and all over Dominik’s naked torso but she was alive and that was all that mattered . Lena visibly let out a sign of relief.