Winkie's thoughts
 

Alright, Haku suggested I should create a thread with my poems/songs/whatever.. So here it is..
All is written by me and I'm the only one who owns it. If you want to use it for something, ask me for permission..
Feel free to comment or something like that. Just be honest and tell me what you think about it.

Love,

Winkie

Why do I miss you
Why do I care
Wouldn’t it be better
To act like we don’t exist

Why do I bother
Why do I hurt
And every time we talk
Feels like lightning burning
Through my veins

Why isn’t it simple
How could it be this hard
Seems like a lifetime
Since we last kissed

Why do we breath
The same air together
Why do I love you
It’s all just too hard

Isn’t it meant to be
The perfect loving feeling
Isn’t it meant to be
The greatest time of life
Isn’t it supposed to be
You and me and me and you
Then why won’t you tell me
Why does it hurt

I love you..

©Winkie

My Heroine

Hear me..
I'll be your heroine
Save me..
I am your victim
Help me..
Make all the aching stop
Cuz I don't want to feel no more
Why won't you just save me
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

Close your eyes
And you feel my hands
Close my eyes
And I taste your breath
Please make this feeling stop
Why won't you just save me
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

You said you loved me
You showed me you cared
You said it wasn't your kind of thing
To be with me like that
Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

I didn't kiss away your tears cuz I was so scared
I didn't want to hurt you more than you already did
Why did you leave? Did you ever care?
Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

So now you're there
And I'm sitting here
Did you ever truelly care?
Save me..

Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

Save me.. I'll be your heroine
Save me.. I am your victim
Save me..

©Winkie

They're both great! I love My Heroine :done:

Thank you.. I used to have a lot more, but well, they're either in Dutch, or I threw them away.. :p

Starnight

And I still remember
Our starful night
Sitting side by side
By the lake
Yeah I still remember
Our starful night
And I need your love
Again

And love does no good
To anyone
Just leaves us all in pain
But at night outside
By the lake

I still remember
Our starful night
Worlds of love and promises
Lies I even thought were true
Yeah I still remember
Our starful night
And I'm gonna miss
Your face

And all the words
You said to me
Were lies
And all the kisses
They just weren't there
And all the hugs
I never had your heart

But still I remember
Our starful night
And I'm gonna miss
The lies
Yes I remember
Our starful night
I never felt
So safe

And love is nothing but
A feeling
It's only meant to hurt
I can only think 'bout your body
Bout the kisses
And your eyes

Yes I can see
My starless nights
It meant so much less
To you
What to do
'Bout my starless nights
When all I can think 'bout
Is you

And I'm gonna miss
That starful night
I'm gonna miss you eyes
And although I loved
That starful night
I can't live
Living your lie

So I still love
Your starful eyes
Can only try to
Forget
And I hope you think 'bout
That starful night
When you look up at
A starnights sky

©Winkie

Actually, this is the first thing I wrote in English and was actually proud of. It was written some time ago, in November '03

Left Alone

I feel your hands
Everywhere, always
I’m left alone with you,
And there’s nowhere left to go.

Your gaze on me,
Every minute, every hour.
Just a second,
Left alone with you

You stare at me,
Every minute, every hour.
Just a moment,
Without you.

Just a second,
Without sleeping.
Just a minute,
Without nightmares.

To be honest,
I don’t want you.
But we all know,
I can’t stop it.

Just a minute.
Just a moment, just a second.
Just some time,
Seems an eternity.

Just my luck,
Just a change.
Just some words,
I try to understand.

I feel your hands,
Everywhere, always.
I’m left alone with you,
And there’s nowhere left to go…

©Winkie

Two more great ones there, Winkie! :done: 'Starnight' is just so sad and beautiful, and 'Left Alone' is great too! You got talent!

Thank you *blushes* I found some other ones too, but they're all in dutch.. Ah well, I'll post one anyway (A), because I like them, and people think it's a funny language ;) So have fun looking at my funny language ;)

Raadselachtig en verloren
Aan de rand van het water naar de dood
De angst is weerspiegeld in haar ogen
Haar rug vol met striemen, kwetsbaar, bloot

Ze wacht eenzaam op het einde
Dat haar uit haar lijden verlost
Want wat is nu het nut van haar leven
Als haar vader haar dagelijks afrost

Het water des doods is koud en zwart
Helder als sterren, donker als de nacht
Ze verlangt naar haar einde
De rust en stilte die haar al verwacht

Verdrietig en eenzaam
Probeert ze een eind aan haar leven te maken
Probeert ze wanhopig
Haar adem te stoppen, haar hartslag te staken

Kopje onder in de kou
Die haar als een geliefde omarmt
Haar kwetst tot in het diepst van haar ziel
Maar haar ook vol vertrouwen verwarmt

Bloed stroomt uit wonden op haar armen
Huilend zakt ze ineen tegen de muur van de spijt
Smekend om vergeving, vragend voor begrip
Want die ene luisterende vriend, wil zij niet kwijt

Elke keer opnieuw verdrinkt ze in eenzaamheid, kou en pijn
Drie oude bekenden
Ze begroet ze als haar vrienden en familie
Ze heeft toch niemand anders, tot wie zij zich kan wenden..

©Winkie

I had a lot of fun trying to read it! :p I don't know why it looks so strange to me, but every time I look at it I just laugh!

Hehe I can try to translate it but I think it'd lose the flow.. But I'll give it a try, okay? And it would lose the "special, double meanings"


Raadselachtig en verloren
Aan de rand van het water naar de dood
De angst is weerspiegeld in haar ogen
Haar rug vol met striemen, kwetsbaar, bloot

Mysterious and lost
On the edge of the water to death
The fear is being mirrored in her eyes
Her back full of lashes, vulnerable, naked

Ze wacht eenzaam op het einde
Dat haar uit haar lijden verlost
Want wat is nu het nut van haar leven
Als haar vader haar dagelijks afrost

She's lonely, waiting for the end
To help her out of her suffering
Cuz what's the meaning of her life
When her dad hits her every day

Het water des doods is koud en zwart
Helder als sterren, donker als de nacht
Ze verlangt naar haar einde
De rust en stilte die haar al verwacht

The water of death is cold and black
Bright as the stars, dark as the night
She's longing for her end
The silence and comfort that are already expecting her

Verdrietig en eenzaam
Probeert ze een eind aan haar leven te maken
Probeert ze wanhopig
Haar adem te stoppen, haar hartslag te staken

Sad and lonesome
Is she trying to end her life
Is she trying desperately
To stop her breathing, to quit her heartbeat

Kopje onder in de kou
Die haar als een geliefde omarmt
Haar kwetst tot in het diepst van haar ziel
Maar haar ook vol vertrouwen verwarmt

Going under in the cold
That embraces her as a lover
Hurts her in the deepest part of her soul
But also embraces her full of trust

Bloed stroomt uit wonden op haar armen
Huilend zakt ze ineen tegen de muur van de spijt
Smekend om vergeving, vragend voor begrip
Want die ene luisterende vriend, wil zij niet kwijt

Blood's flowing from wounds on her arms
Crying she falls against the wall of regret
Begging for forgiveness, asking for understanding
Cuz that one listening friend, she doesn't want to lose

Elke keer opnieuw verdrinkt ze in eenzaamheid, kou en pijn
Drie oude bekenden
Ze begroet ze als haar vrienden en familie
Ze heeft toch niemand anders, tot wie zij zich kan wenden..

Every time again she drowns in loneliness, cold, and pain
Three familiar faces
She greets them as her friends and family
After all, she doesn't have anyone else, to go to..

It loses it's flow and "magic" but this is basically what it says

©Winkie

If that's not as good as it is in Dutch, then I really wanna learn Dutch! :gigi: That's amazing even like that, so I can't even imagine how good it is before translation!

You know, I'm more fluent in Dutch, I know more words.. Also words that fit better in it, although they have the same meaning.. :) In my opinion, it's way better in Dutch..

I love this part,, oh Winkie,, u made me fall in love with those lines,,,,,,,

I'm having fun translating, so I'll continue (A) If you guys don't mind, that is..

Eén enk’le traan teveel..
One single tear too much

Je blijft hezelfde
Je ziet niet in hoe ik me voel
Ik trek de muren van steen om mijn hart weer op
Ik probeer je niet te laten zien
Dat de tranen blijven stromen

You stay the same
You don't see how I feel
I'm pulling up the walls of stone around my heart again
I'm trying not to show you
That the tears keep on flowing

De tranen blijven binnen in me
Het gat met steenkoud ijs is terug
Ik dacht echt dat het was verdwenen
Maar blijkbaar is het een deel van mijn leven
En mijn tranen blijven stromen

The tears stay inside of me
The hole with freezing ice is back
I really thought it disappeared
But apparently it's a part of my life
And my tears keep on flowing

Ik trek de muren op om mijn hart
Probeer te doen alsof je me niet raakt
Elk gevoel blok ik uit
Mijn blik wordt van steen
Maar mijn tranen blijven stromen

I'm pulling up the walls around my heart
Try to act as if you don't hit me
I'm blocking out every feeling
My gaze turns into stone
But my tears keep on flowing

Houden van is wat ik doe
Ik houd van jou houd jij van mij?
Of vraag ik dan teveel vraag ik mij af
Als ik het mes in mijn polsen zet
Terwijl mijn tranen blijven stromen

Loving is what I do
I love you do you love me?
Or do I ask too much, is what I ask myself
When I'm putting the knife in my wrists
While my tears keep on flowing

Bloedrode tranen stromen over mijn polsen
Angstig en verloren kijk ik ernaar
Ben ik deze keer dan te ver gegaan?
Je hebt me te diep in mijn ziel geraakt en verwond
De wonden gaan naar de buitenkant toe dit maal
Terwijl bloedrode tranen blijven stromen

Bloodred tears flow over my wrists
Scared and lost am I looking at it
Did I go too far this time
You hit and hurted me too deep in my soul
The wounds are on the outside this time
While the tears keep on flowing

Je komt naar me toe je schreeuwt en roept
Maar bereiken doe je mij al niet meer
Deze keer ben ik te fel gekwetst
Heb me voorgoed van je afgewend
Je denkt dat ik geen gevoel meer heb
Terwijl jij ziet hoe rode tranen blijven stromen

You're coming to me you're screaming and shouting
But you can't reach me anymore
This time I was hurt too bad
Turned away from you forever
You think I don't have any feelings left
While you see how red tears keep on flowing

Eén keer te hard gekwetst
Eén keer niet bestand tegen jouw geweld
Eén keer kon ik het niet meer hebben
Eén keer kon ik er niet meer tegen
Eén keer..
Eén enk’le traan teveel..

One time hurt too much
One time not able to stand your violence
One time I had enough
One time I couldn't take it anymore
One time
One single tear too much

©Winkie

Well, at least that's one good thing coming from that song ;) So thank you.. :)

Translate as much as you like, I'll read it all :)

I really like that last one, especially
I love that image.

If you don't mind me asking, are these songs all autobiographical?

Hmm.. I don't mind you asking.. :)
Actually, all of them are autobiographical somehow. Not all the things in it, though.. For example:

Cuz what's the meaning of her life
When her dad hits her every day

My dad did not hit me ;) But a friend of mine, her dad did hit her. So well, I just put that part in it.. But besides that, they're all autobiographical yeah..

they are great :) :)
can I use them in my wallpapers
some of the words romantic
i think tatu should use them
you should work with them:coctail: ;)

I sent you a personal message about this.. :)

Well.. I wrote this one in December.. It's about.. Well, just read it and tell me what you guys think it's about okay? Winner gets a kiss.. (or not, if he/she does not want to have one :p)

A black door

I walked out of a door tonight
A door to my dreams, and it's black
My feelings are empty, my hope is gone
You stole my dreams, why won't you take my life?

You walked out of my dream last month
You killed me - almost - , left me bleeding and freezing.
I'm empty, I can't feel nor think.
You left me and I don't think I will survive

That door to my dreams, it's so black now.
I'm feeling so empty and I'm feeling so cold.
All hope is gone, the memories fade.
You stole my dreams, why won't you take my life?

There are simply no tears
left in my eyes.
I stare up at the sky.
I look at you and smile.

Cause you took my dreams, but gave back my life.
You can take your love away, but you cannot stop mine.
You've decided to leave, but you'll never be gone.
The memory is always there.

But just like the way ice melts, do memories fade..
Don't they..?!

©Winkie

very Talented!.

Thank you

:D you are very talented!.. right is the truth!.!!.. .. don`t be modest!..well..

check this:

the water is blue, the sky too..
the moon is white, the snow too..
im very cool and you too!:D :D

jajajajaja-- lol...lol... this is my poem!!! :D

Yeah.. Cool.. But I think I've read that one before, so not very original :) ;)

lol.:D . yes ... i learn this poem in the kindergarden!.. i just wanna be funny .. but you are so deep!... ..im sorry..:bum:

Now I can see what I truelly meant to you
It seems as if nothing hurts me
But inside I feel so torn
Everything around me changes
But somehow I try to stay the same
And it hurts

I wish I could tell you how I really feel
But I know I will lose you again if I try
I wish I could show you what you truelly deserve
But I know you'd rather die than let me do that
And somehow I can't feel anymore
But that hurts

I wish I could tell you and know you'd feel the same
I wish I could live in dreams and never wake up
I wish I could stay in the past
Cuz my future seems so empty now
I wish I could show what it truelly means
To love

Nothing seems to matter now
When I picture you with him
I wish I still had a chance
But I know I lost you
Lost you for good this time
Lost you forever
In the haunting of my dreams

It hurts so much to think
It hurts so much to feel
I wish I could go numb again
You woke me up yesterday
Now you've killed me again
What is it with you and hurting me?

I wish I could show you my love



©Winkie - 16/08/06

Your poems are so sad but very beautiful. Do you write only when you are hurt or do you have any happy poems?

Sometimes when I'm happy, but most of the times when I'm sad or hurt or lonely, or something else that makes me feel depressed. It's a way to get rid of that feeling.. :) It doesn't always help, but it feels better to write it down, because then I won't have to carry it all with me..

omg !! Anne, that's so beautiful
here's for you :rose:

:rose: Thank you.. :) Well.. I think you know who it is about, right? ;)

Right, I feel like writing but I don't know a subject.. Soo this is just something I'm thinking of.. I might be editing it a few more times, but hey.. I'm never satisfied (when it comes to writing, that is :lalala: )

So here goes: (italic text is the translation)

Ik wilde dat ik je een keer kon vertellen
Hoezeer ik om je geef en hoe ik me voel van binnen
Ik wilde dat ik je een keer kon vertellen
Hoe erg het voelt alsof ik sterft

I wish I could tell you one time
How much I care about you and how I feel on the inside
I wish I could tell you one time
How bad it feels to die

Mijn longen lijken te verbranden in het licht
Mijn ogen zijn vervuld van duisternis
Schaduwen en duisternis verbergen mij nog steeds
Verbergen wat ik voel en wie ik werk'lijk ben

My lungs seem to burn in the light
My eyes are filled with darkness
Shadows and darkness still hide me
Hide what I feel and who I truelly am

Mijn lichaam lijkt te smelten in de zon
Mijn handen voelen niks
En liefde glipt als zand tussen mijn vingers door
Ontastbaar, onaanraakbaar, ongenaakbaar

My body seems to melt in sunlight
My hands can't feel a thing
And love is slipping in between my fingers, just like sand
I can't touch it, I can't feel it, I can't change it

En meer dan alles zie ik door verwrongen oogleden
Hoe alles om me heen lijkt te baden in het licht
Hoe jij lacht en speelt en vrijt met hem
Terwijl ik hier verborgen in de schaduw leef

And through distorted eyelids I can see
How everything around me bathes in light
How you laugh and play and sleep with him
While I live here hidden in the darkness

Ik klaag niet meer ik zeur niet meer
Ik aanvaard het nu in stilte
Als jij gelukkig bent vind ik het goed
En trek mij terug in de schaduwen

I won't complain no more, I won't nag no more
I can accept it and stay silent
When you're happy, I'm okay
And I will withdraw myself into the shadows

©Winkie

I don't have a good feeling about it.. But it's the best I can think of now.. :^)

that's so beautiful :dead: Offtop:
it's one of the only sentence I understand without reading the translation :p

you're so lovely *pecks*
such a good writer

You're the best :D :p And your Dutch is pretty damn good, considering the fact that I hardly speak French at all :p

I want to go back to writing stories but I don't know any subjects, and I don't have time -_-' Thanks to my lovely college who thinks it's "cool" to make us work till 3 o'clock in the morning, in order to do all our homework -_-'

yay I know I'm too clever hehe :p you may don't speak french but I bet you know how to use your tongue *wiiiiink*

omg!! it sucks
good luck beautiful, btw try to enter the Erasmus program and come to France, College here is just another word to say laziness loool (it depends of the studies of course)

kusjes sacht !! :gigi:

I'm not answering that (A)

Yeah it really sucks, but next year I'll do CMV, which is slightly different from the study I do now (right now is just an orientation year), and that rocks :D I'll go to Denmark for 3 months, and the studies are just way too easy :D I can't wait!

Kusjes schat ;)

hehe, are you having fun under your shower? loool
please answer to this lil' question :D I'm just curious

it sounds like a good plan
if I don't change my orientation next year, I could go to Canada, Spain or England hehe so cool

doeidoei lekker ding Offtop:
I try to do my best to remember what you've learnt to me

How can I use my own tongue on myself? :p I'm sorry, but I don't reach that :p

And well.. I don't remember what I've learnt yuo, to be honest (A) Besides some small Dutch sentences..

Short story

Het blijft donker om me heen. Soms betwijfel ik of het duister van buitenaf komt. Of van binnen in mij. Als ik mijn ogen sluit, voel ik niks anders dan koude, koele duisternis. Duisternis die mij langzaam naar zich toe trekt sinds die ene dag. Die ene seconde.
Als ik mijn ogen sluit, en ik probeer de mist die over mijn herinneringen hangt, weg te jagen, kan ik die ene dag herleven.
Een mooie, warme augustusmiddag. Een van die dagen waarop je de zomer kan ruiken. Zoet, geurend hooi, uitgestrekte weiden, omringd door bossen die langverzochte verkoeling brengen bij een vennetje.
Zo'n dag was het. Maar ik woon in een stad. In zo'n wijk met flatgebouwen zonder één stukje groen. Zo'n wijk waar de warmte blijft hangen tussen de gebouwen. Waar je 's middags niemand op straat ziet. Hij en ik hadden afgesproken in een garagebox, verkoeling zoekend. Uit de radio die we konden horen speelde "rock you baby", en het nummer leek perfect te passen bij de zomerhitte.
Ja, de dag startte goed. Toen had ik nog niet kunnen verwachten dat ik die avond verscheurd thuis zou komen, verlangend naar warmte en liefde. Dromend van klamme, dunne handen die tastend onder mijn kleren bewogen. Mijn schreeuw, vermoord in mijn keel.
Sinds die middag leef ik in de duisternis. Tastend glijden mijn vingers over mijn licht opbollende buik. "Victor", kreun ik, en ik breng de fles vodka naar mijn lippen. Liggend op mijn rug kijk ik naar de sterrenhemel. Mijn hand blijft op mijn buik liggen en ik voel het beginnende leven onder mijn vingers. Ik walg, ik wil dat leven niet. Ik wil het uit me, en ik wil hier weg.
Ver onder me hoor ik de auto's langs de flatgebouwen rijden. Niemand weet dat ik hier lig, op het dak. Ik glimlach en sta op. Enigzins waggelend door de vodka loop ik naar de rand. Als ik daar ben, loop ik door. Dood was ik toch al. Het kost maar een seconde om een leven te vernietigen.

©Winkie

It stays dark around me. Sometimes I doubt whether the darkness comes from the outside, or the inside of me. When I close my eyes, I feel nothing but cool, cold darkness. Darkness that keeps pulling myself towards it ever since that one day. Ever since that one second.
When I close my eyes, and I try to erase the smoke that's been clouded over my memories, I can relive that day.
A beautiful, hot August afternoon. One of those days where you can smell the summer. Sweet smelling hay, large pastures, surrounded by forrests that offer that coolness that you've been looking for, near a pond.
Yeah, the day started well. At that time I could not suspect that I'd come home destroyed that evening, looking for love and warmth. Dreaming of clammy, thin fingers that moved under my clothes in a searching way. My scream, killed in my throat.
Yeah, it was such a day. But I live in the city. In a neighbourhoud with appartment building without trees, gras, or anything. Such a neighbourhood where the warmth of the day stays 'till late in the evening. Where you don't see anyone on the streets in the afternoon. He and I wanted to meet in a basement, looking for some cold. We could hear a radio, playing "rock you baby". It seemed to fit in with this summerheat.
Ever since that afternoon, I've been living in darkness. My fingers are sliding over my slightly growing stomach. I moan "Victor", and I bring the bottle of Vodka to my lips again. I am laying on my back and I am watching the stars. My hand stays on my tummy and I can feel the life starting to grow underneath them. I feel disgusted. I don't want that life. I want it out of me, and I want to leave this place.
Far beneath me, I can hear the cars driving through the streets. Nobody knows I'm laying here, on the roof. I smile and get up. A little bit clumsy cuz of the vodka, I walk to the edge. When I get there, I walk on. I was dead already anyway. It only takes a second, to destroy a life.

©Winkie

Winkie, aaaaaaaawww your story is amazing :eek:
you're so talented, I'm a big fan

go on like this