I have a love-life problem and need advice!
 

Ok. So here goes. I'm seriously in love with a person at my school and they have no idea. I really want to tell them, but I don't know how to say it without coming off as obsessed with them or a freak or anything. They're in one of my classes and I talk regularly to them, but they don't seem to have any idea whatsoever eventhough I practically throw myself out there. I just don't know what to do! :dknow: Or what to say. But I'm head-over-heels in love! Any help?

P.S: I poted this in the General Forum on purpose as more people will see it, rather than in the Personal Advice Forum.

If you're throwing yourself at them, they more than likely all ready know. My advice is to keep with it, be polite and respectful, but seem interested in them. But not over interested in a freaky stalker kinda way... Invite them out sometime, but don't make it a romantic thing because it might make them nervous. Just show that you're a friend and you'd like to be more, and they might warm up to you...

but then again, some people like it when others are direct. Either way, I think you should hang out and see what happens. :done:

Ok, this is tricky. But I've been in this situation myself on a couple of occasions so I'll try'n give you advice. Feel free to take it on board or disregard it as you see fit.
I don't know if you're straight or gay, and that is a big issue in situations like this, so I'll give you advice that pertains to either situation:
First of all - and most importantly - I know you say you're in love with this person but I definately would not tell them that at this stage. It's hard to tell from your post what kind of relationship you currently have with this person but I'm guessing that you're only acquaintances. In this instance, when trying to further your relationship, it's not a good idea to lead off with "I love you". Just try to strike up a conversation that you know will lead somewhere (i.e. not "lovely weather we've been having recently, eh?"). Find somthing you have in common and run with it. Either that or get him/her talking about him/herself. People love talking about themselves and they love it when you seem interested in hearing about their life.
If there's a connection - on any level - then it will be obvious. Ask this person out for a drink or to the cinema or even to go shopping with you. You don't necessarily have to make it obvious that it's a "date". If this person agrees to hang out with you in a one-on-one situation then it will be easier for you to assess this persons feelings for you. And then you will be able to make a better and - most importantly - an informed decision about what direction you want to take your relationship in.
Untill then I'd advise you to refrain from any massive declarations of love.
Good luck.
Mossopp
x x x x

And sometimes it seems that the person is into me, but other times it doesn't. I dunno. Just when that person looks into my eyes, and seems to stare longingly while I'm talking to them... Oh I could die right then. And I've only liked this person since... August. I absolutely am in love! I just want to proclaim "I love you and let's go home together, now!" lol, this could be trouble. I just have to hold back.

Well, I'm not really someone to speak when it comes to love-life.. :p But, I think you should continue the way it is, but go a little further.. Since you've been in love with this person since August, you've known eachother for some time, and it's not like you met yesterday. So if you ask this person to hang out with you, not in a romantic kind of way or anything, but just like "Hey, I'm going to the movies tomorrow, wanna join?" or something friendly.. This person might already like you, and be mad about you (the way you are about them :p), but I suggest you take baby steps and not say "WOW, I'm drowning in your beautiful ocean-like eyes and I am SO horny I could have sex with you right here".. *Cough*

lol, nice. Well, you see my problem is is that I am not really able to ask the person out to something because we are really involved in different social circles and... it would just be awkward. Would it really be that bad just to come out and proclaim my love? I mean I've sent and recieved text messages from the person before and I was thinking that I would just send a message stating "I'm in love with you." Or something. Would that be that bad?

i agree with what others said, try to hang out more with that person and try asking him/her to do something together, maybe coming out with i love you would be too strong and scare off the person.but you never know :ithink: , maybe that's better. but you should definetly do something and not just wait. good luck ;)

Airheadap, well yeah, I'm really bad at things like that.. personally I would NEVER ask someone out.. Gosh, so humiliating.. NEVER. So how did I solve the problem? I told the whole school which resulted in this person called me really bad things.. Hm. But then again, I'm a girl who fell in love with a guy so.. I can guess your situation would be different.

So, that's what NOT to do.. haha. You could just say you love them.. who knows.. better to regret something you did than something you didn't do... and of course if they freak out about the SMS (this only works with SMS or email or somethig) you simply tell them that it wasn't you who sent the message, it was your sister/brother/dog, or something. :p

Don't worry about the "social circles" stuff. If they're texting with you, they can't care too much about your social rank. Just ask them to hang out.



that's one amazing dog you got there. I'm sure they'll fall for that one. ;)

As hard as it may be to do this, it's best to tell someone something like that face to face. Not even on the telephone. Important things like that need to be said face to face. If someone told me that they loved me when we weren't together, I would still be *real happy* :D :love:, but it just wouldnt be the same as if we were in the same room.

As far as if you should wait or not, I don't know. I've been thru something similar in my life, but the last time was several years ago, and I never told them outright (but I think they knew anyway). Nothing came out of that btw, and today when I think about it, it's pretty funny. I wonder what I saw in her. :dknow: I only liked her for about a year, year and a half.

I say you should do what feels best for you (I know that's not much help!). If you *really* love this person, and can't wait any longer, than go ahead and say so. :done:

About social circles, look at this as an opportunity to join the popular group. :) All you need is a foot in the door.

cirrus, well... :none:

Wonder who that could be? Maybe someone who doesn't read people easily? :p Oh, and why didn't you answer my PM :mad: :kwink:

These two things got me to think of a related story. It's really long so jump to the conclusion if bored.. lol

As some may know I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to computers. So I studied programming and such. Since it's mostly boys who study that subject I was one of 10 girls in a class with 60 students or such. Which kinda meant I felt like one of the boys in the class. So I spoke to one of the boys a lot, Rasmus, who was helping one of the other guys, Mike, out. So the 3 of us talked a lot in school hours. Sometimes Rasmus wasn't around since he had other subjects than me and Mike. No problem. Just talked to Mike instead then. Not about any interesting things just about daily life. Mike joined the class a year later than the rest of us, so I didn't really know him..

Anyway.. at one point we had a vacation for a week. I lived at home at the time and me and my dad were surfing the net. Had to help him out with something. So in the middle of it I checked my mail. Normally just spam and boring stuff. But not this time of course.
I recieved a mail from Mike, where he was telling me I wad the most beautiful girl in the world and he would like it if we were a couple. NORMALLY my dad is a slow reader, but not this time of course. He immidially called my mom and told her too.. the mail itself was wierd enough for me since I didn't like Mike that much, heck I knew little about him. So after a day of thinking I mailed him saying I didn't think so, and that I didn't know him that well.

So after the week I returned and pretty much avoided being alone with Mike. I didn't tell any of the others anything, but some of the girls noticed him sitting REALLY close to me all the time. Of course now I noticed too, but I didn't notice before I had recieved the mail :rolleyes:

Next vacation came up, and Mike responded to my mail. Saying we could get to know one another and he really would love to. This time I responded a bit more clearly and still said no. Worked for a week or two. Then a new mail with him asking me what the second mail meant.. it was like this for a few more mails that just seemed like coming everytime I checked my mail. (Parents only know of the first one) So in the end the response was "Thanks, but no thank you. Please stop mailing me"

Then things got bad. I hated going to school at least when he was there. Rasmus and I luckely still had courses together and still had fun. In the last half of the education a group project was needed. My group was to comment Mikes groups project. And our grades depended at how good a job we did locating errors at their project. Needless to say: the teachers had to stop our group at one point because we located to many errors. I felt kind of bad for Mike, but it made the last semester a lot more easy, since Mikes group had to redo the project and therefor wasn't a part of the class anymore.

After studies were over I told Rasmus about the many many mails and he said I should have told him about them, so that he could have stopped Mike from writing. Of course he also said that Mike wasn't really the smartest guy around.. :lalala:

Long story short (bit late I know):
1. The person may not know until told.
2. Mails may not be the best option
3. May not apply since you seem to know this person better than Mike knew me.

Haha, Tina, that's gotta be one of the longest messages you have ever written.. :laugh:

Poor guy, I mean, what a hopeless romantic.. but I think it was right of you to turn him down politely at first.. then he was such a pain in the ass you just had to tell him to f*ck off. :lol: No, I'm just kidding. :kwink:

I don't even wanna REMEMBER my experiences.. It's not always fun being so "brave" or whatever when it comes to love.. and I learned THAT the hard way. :rolleyes:

I hope all goes well. :gigi:

not many candidates for the spot I must say :lalala:

Only worked because I graduated before him I guess.. lol. I'm too nice sometimes.. it backfires.
Well this was pretty much my experience so far. Stalker guy I agreed to meet so won't count him in for real.. :rolleyes:

TLFdk, I enjoyed your story. See, it worries me that I may come off as obcessed, eventhough I am not really. I think what I will do is wait it out a week or two more and see if anything happens. What kinda sucks is I used to sit next to the person I like in my French class, but now the teacher moved us so we are on opposate sides of the room. Its bad.
I am worried that it'll be like a hugh shock when I tell the person cause I don't think they have the faintest clue... And I am kinda a friend of the person and I don't want our friendship to be f*cked or anything... OY! LOVE IS DIFFICULT!!!!!!

well if you are friends already I don't think there will be a huge problem if your feelings aren't shared. Of course it'll be a sad thing for you, but at least you tried.. In my case the problem was that we didn't really know anything about eachother and he already thought I was the best person in the world :hmmm: scared me off for sure.

Don't know really.. not the best person to give love adwise.

Glad you liked my story :)