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ypsidan04
08-10-2004, 23:47
http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/indecision2004/scandal/

I'm still trying to come up with something. I'll get back to you. :D Copy and paste your results.

DAZ
09-10-2004, 00:01
Ok seeing as you asked.....


Ypsidan 04 CAUGHT WITH ALLEGED PROSTITUTES IN MOTEL RAID

BY LINDSAY ROBERTSON
Fri, Oct 8, 2004 at 07:00:19 EDT

Tatusville, Hellofa (INDY) - Bum Ypsidan 04 was arrested in the wee hours of Saturday morning, after police raided a suspected brothel being run out of a Hellofa motel.

A press conference was held outside the Tatusville County Jail yesterday, where Police Department Spokesperson Daz had this to say:

"Acting on a tip from an informant, the Tatusville Police Department executed a raid on room 203 of the Fairview Motel. As expected, we found several suspected prostitutes along with a bottle of prescription medication commonly taken for erectile dysfunction. Ypsidan 04 was found in bed with two of the alleged prostitutes, wearing nothing but argyle socks. After a confrontation in which he resisted arrest, screaming "Do you know who I am? I'm the best Bum in the world!" officers exchanged his pink feathered handcuffs for new ones and escorted him to the Tatusville County Jail.

04 was booked for soliciting a prostitute and resisting arrest. His bond was set at $300, but he has yet to post bail. He is currently awaiting trial and has been placed in solitary confinement due to extreme personality conflicts with both prisoners and guards.

haku
09-10-2004, 00:27
PRODUCER IVAN SHAPOVALOV HAD AFFAIR WITH UNDERAGE INTERN, SOURCES SAY

BY YULIA PETRAGELOVA
Fri, Oct 8, 2004 at 07:17:37 EDT

Moscow, Russia -- Local producer Ivan Shapovalov is holed up in his Moscow home tonight amidst swirling allegations that he engaged in an inappropriate relationship with his underage intern.

"I saw Shapovalov driving in Moscow with a large lump next to him in the car, covered in a blanket. At first I thought it was a load of laundry, but then I saw a load of blonde hair and realized it was that underage intern going down on him," said rival producer Elena Kiper.

Shapovalov was confronted as he entered his Moscow Podnebesnaya office building today, but refused to answer reporters' questions and became openly agitated when confronted on his whereabouts on the night of Oct 6.

"Whatever a man does in the privacy of his car as he races in Moscow's streets is nobody's business," Shapovalov bellowed. When informed that getting oral sex from an underage intern is a felony he sniffed and replied: "I didn't even know that underage intern was underage, and none of us can prove it."

Police are investigating the claims of both Elena Kiper and an unnamed farmer who swears he saw a fuschia-poncho clad Shapovalov smuggling a donkey into a U-Haul last week.

coolasfcuk
09-10-2004, 00:34
Cool As Fcuk ARRESTED IN CRACK COCAINE BUST

BY LINDSAY ROBERTSON
Fri, Oct 8, 2004 at 07:33:59 EDT

Sofia, Bulgaria (INDY) - Famed architect Cool As Fcuk was one of those arrested in a massive crack cocaine bust in Sofia last night, say police.

According to Police Department spokesperson Katina, police entered the home of known crack dealer Volkova at approximately 3:07 a.m. Sunday morning, after receiving a noise complaint from a neighboring discotheque. "Upon entering the apartment, we found several people huddled around a crack pipe, At this time we did not see the suspect in question. We then broke down a locked bathroom door, and found Cool As Fcuk, dressed only in a trucker hat and Ugg boots, frantically attempting to flush approximately 50 kilos of crack cocaine."

"When As Fcuk was confronted, she screamed "This is just my baking soda! I'm bakin' for my momma!" Police promptly escorted Mrs. As Fcuk to the Sofia County Jail, where she is being held on $4,000 bond.

As Fcuk has struggled in the past with drug, anger, chocolate, shopping, and sex addiction issues. The now-noseless As Fcuk has also received treatment for an apparent cosmetic surgery addiction. This is her first arrest for crack cocaine possession.

:lol: :laugh: :lol:

:smoke:

Unplugged
09-10-2004, 01:59
LENA KATINA CAUGHT WITH ALLEGED PROSTITUTES IN MOTEL RAID

BY LINDSAY ROBERTSON
Fri, Oct 8, 2004 at 08:20:14 EDT

Moscow, Russia (INDY) - singer Lena Katina was arrested in the wee hours of Saturday morning, after police raided a suspected brothel being run out of a russian motel.

A press conference was held outside the Moscow County Jail yesterday, where Police Department Spokesperson Igor had this to say:

"Acting on a tip from an informant, the Moscow Police Department executed a raid on room 203 of the Blyad Motel. As expected, we found several suspected prostitutes along with a bottle of red wine, jogging clothes, extra-large "Coca-Cola" t-shirts and cheap male perfume. Due to the objects found, it was clear to us that the Tatu-girl was around. Lena Katina was found in bed with two of the alleged prostitutes, wearing nothing but strawberry panties. After a confrontation in which she resisted arrest, screaming "Do you know who I am? I'm the best singer in the world!" officers exchanged her pink feathered handcuffs for new ones and escorted her to the Moscow County Jail.

Katina was booked for soliciting a prostitute and resisting arrest. Her bond was set at $300, but she has yet to post bail. She is currently awaiting trial and has been placed in solitary confinement due to extreme personality conflicts with both prisoners and guards. It seems Katina started to opress the local prisoners with orthodox religious teachings and a rebellion started, with sinful hookers protesting against Katina's cheap talk.

A great friend of Katina's told us she was "researching for her new image of hetero slut". It seems tATu's redhead ex-faux-lesbian lolita is working on her comeback, while partner Yulia Volkova works on her fat ass. "She couldn't be around Yulia anymore, eversince the pregnancy she is fat and can't stop farting, it's embarrassing. So not only did she record demo songs alone, but she also followed the recommendations of her new manager to get dirty". Questioned about this new manager, Katina's great friend says he doesn't know who he is: "I don't know who he is. Some french guy named Patrick!".

We also spoke to one of the prostitutes hired by Katina's twisted mind. Her name shall remain undisclosed, but not her loud hateful mouth: "Katina is sick. When I heard this job was for her, I was thinking about refusing, but then of course I did it cause my mail-order-bride ad hasn't been getting much attention. She is twisted, I tell you. Weird fantasies there. Jogging pants, XXL Coca-Cola t-shirts, male perfume... She's on crack, I'll tell you that! Anyway, she just wanted to hang out. I tried to grab her crotch but she told me those days were over for her. So she kept asking us questions about the best way to behave like a prostitute. And I told her: Hey, look at your friend Yulia Volkova, she's always sleeping around too! First Shapovalov, then the bodyguards - even the gay ones were seduced", the prostitute reveals.

Katina also read passages of the bible to her hooker friends: "Yeah, she read some bullshit about us having to wash our body for one month and not touch anyone to redeem our sins. And I said, geez, honey, how am I ever gonna make money without washing my love buttons and my sinful basement and not touching anyone? Get real!". The redhead got alledgedly offended by such comments and called her priest. "It was the lowest! How could she, I thought to myself. Well, she called him because she was having doubts about this new image and all the details we were bringin' her. So she told him she was with a bunch of sinful people and was very confused. Then he asked her to leave the room and ignore the sinful people, and she asked if he was sure she shouldn't listen to advice from two experienced hookers. And he said something like 'Well, actually, I think I should come over there and have a little talk with them. Hold on, I'm gonna get my Kamasutra!' She was shocked, and then the police came. Thank God they came early, cause if they knew the priest was included in this, the scandal would be even worse. ...Oh, by the way, don't publish any of this, you hear me, slick?", our lovely source added.

tATu's management was contacted but refused to comment. Ivan Shapovalov, though, the group's former manager and producer, gave us a little hint on what's allegedly going on in Katina's mind: "Well... This is what's going on...", but then forgot about the rest after taking a hit of his extra-large joint.

:chupa:

haku
09-10-2004, 13:01
she also followed the recommendations of her new manager to get dirty". [...] Some french guy named Patrick!".
LMAO :lol:

Well, she's not listening to me, i recommended her to wear tight tops and to show a lot of cleavage, not oversized men's shirt. :rolleyes:

Unplugged
09-10-2004, 17:23
LMAO :lol:

Well, she's not listening to me, i recommended her to wear tight tops and to show a lot of cleavage, not oversized men's shirt. :rolleyes:
...She's still researching ;) :laugh:

spyretto
10-10-2004, 18:37
Osama Bin Laden LIED ABOUT MILITARY RECORD, SOURCES REVEAL

BY JULIE ANN PIETRANGELO
Sat, Oct 9, 2004 at 12:33:56 EDT

Cave, Caveland (INDY) -- Supporters and critics of Osama Bin Laden were shocked to learn yesterday that the 47 year-old Cave local had completely and utterly lied about past experience in the military.

Bin Laden has repeatedly made statements in speeches and interviews claiming he saved the lives of all the members of his transport stationed in the Pacific Theater during World War II. Despite shrapnel damage to his left leg, hearing loss suffered when a grenade detonated in his helmet and a severe shark bite to the upper torso, Bin Laden claimed he managed to save all 28 men in his platoon, plus the life of a Japanese fisherman who had accidentally come across the scene. Bin Laden has often walked with a limp, citing the incident as the reason.

Yesterday journalist turned president GW Chimp reported he had researched Bin Laden's alleged past, and was shocked to find that not only had Bin Laden lied about his involvement in the Navy in WW II, but that he was in fact born in 1227 and did not even exist at the time of these events. A criminal investigation is pending. ( Osama is really an undead vampire, as it is widely known )

ypsidan04
16-10-2004, 15:25
officers exchanged her pink feathered handcuffs for new ones and escorted her to the Moscow County Jail.

:laugh:

Bill "No-Spin" OReilly ARRESTED IN CRACK COCAINE BUST

BY LINDSAY ROBERTSON
Sat, Oct 16, 2004 at 10:31:28 EDT

Uglyhicksville, West Virginia (INDY) - Famed "Fair and Balanced" Journalist Bill "No-Spin" OReilly was one of those arrested in a massive crack cocaine bust in Uglyhicksville last night, say police.

According to Police Department spokesperson Wolf Blitzer, police entered the home of known crack dealer Pat Robertson (no relation) at approximately 3:07 a.m. Sunday morning, after receiving a noise complaint from a neighboring discotheque. "Upon entering the apartment, we found several people huddled around a crack pipe, At this time we did not see the suspect in question. We then broke down a locked bathroom door, and found Bill "No-Spin" OReilly, dressed only in a trucker hat and Ugg boots, frantically attempting to flush approximately 50 kilos of crack cocaine."

"When OReilly was confronted, he screamed "This is just my baking soda! I'm bakin' for my momma!" Police promptly escorted Mr. OReilly to the Uglyhicksville County Jail, where he is being held on $4,000 bond.

OReilly has struggled in the past with drug, anger, chocolate, shopping, and masturbation addiction issues. The now-noseless OReilly has also received treatment for an apparent cosmetic surgery addiction. This is his first arrest for crack cocaine possession.

His employer, Fox News Channel, would not return our calls.

EDIT:
I had no idea! (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1013043mackris1.html)

Rachel
09-11-2004, 03:21
Yulia Volkova INDICTED FOR TAX EVASION, MISAPPROPRIATION OF FUNDS

BY JULIE ANN PIETRANGELO
Mon, Nov 8, 2004 at 09:20:04 EST

Moscow, Russia (INDY) -- A local Moscow woman was placed under arrest yesterday when it was discovered she had been running an illegal offshore operation for the past decade.

"You pigs don't even know the half of it!" sputtered Volkova as she was dragged away in handcuffs. Volkova is being investigated for her role in a vending machine scheme that earned her millions of dollars in pennies, nickels and dimes that she was then funneling through a false corporation located on a small island off the coast of New Jersey.

"The suspect hadn't thought to convert the embezzled change into cash, and she was witnessed on several occasions dragging large, clanking bags down to the pier," Lieutenant Rachel announced in a press conference. "We've got hours of surveillance tape that show her heaving large sacks into a small boat, then rowing frantically away in the direction of New Jersey."

Volkova is expected to be arraigned earlier today in downtown Moscow. "Why did it have to be pennies?" she was heard mournfully sighing as Lt. Rachel locked the paddy wagon doors on her.