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Winkie
21-06-2006, 18:50
Alright, Haku suggested I should create a thread with my poems/songs/whatever.. So here it is..
All is written by me and I'm the only one who owns it. If you want to use it for something, ask me for permission..
Feel free to comment or something like that. Just be honest and tell me what you think about it.

Love,

Winkie

Winkie
21-06-2006, 18:51
Why do I miss you
Why do I care
Wouldn’t it be better
To act like we don’t exist

Why do I bother
Why do I hurt
And every time we talk
Feels like lightning burning
Through my veins

Why isn’t it simple
How could it be this hard
Seems like a lifetime
Since we last kissed

Why do we breath
The same air together
Why do I love you
It’s all just too hard

Isn’t it meant to be
The perfect loving feeling
Isn’t it meant to be
The greatest time of life
Isn’t it supposed to be
You and me and me and you
Then why won’t you tell me
Why does it hurt

I love you..

©Winkie

Winkie
21-06-2006, 18:51
My Heroine

Hear me..
I'll be your heroine
Save me..
I am your victim
Help me..
Make all the aching stop
Cuz I don't want to feel no more
Why won't you just save me
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

Close your eyes
And you feel my hands
Close my eyes
And I taste your breath
Please make this feeling stop
Why won't you just save me
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

You said you loved me
You showed me you cared
You said it wasn't your kind of thing
To be with me like that
Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

I didn't kiss away your tears cuz I was so scared
I didn't want to hurt you more than you already did
Why did you leave? Did you ever care?
Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

So now you're there
And I'm sitting here
Did you ever truelly care?
Save me..

Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

Save me.. I'll be your heroine
Save me.. I am your victim
Save me..

©Winkie

Kyro
21-06-2006, 18:57
They're both great! I love My Heroine :done:

Winkie
21-06-2006, 19:11
Thank you.. I used to have a lot more, but well, they're either in Dutch, or I threw them away.. :p

Winkie
05-07-2006, 21:53
Starnight

And I still remember
Our starful night
Sitting side by side
By the lake
Yeah I still remember
Our starful night
And I need your love
Again

And love does no good
To anyone
Just leaves us all in pain
But at night outside
By the lake

I still remember
Our starful night
Worlds of love and promises
Lies I even thought were true
Yeah I still remember
Our starful night
And I'm gonna miss
Your face

And all the words
You said to me
Were lies
And all the kisses
They just weren't there
And all the hugs
I never had your heart

But still I remember
Our starful night
And I'm gonna miss
The lies
Yes I remember
Our starful night
I never felt
So safe

And love is nothing but
A feeling
It's only meant to hurt
I can only think 'bout your body
Bout the kisses
And your eyes

Yes I can see
My starless nights
It meant so much less
To you
What to do
'Bout my starless nights
When all I can think 'bout
Is you

And I'm gonna miss
That starful night
I'm gonna miss you eyes
And although I loved
That starful night
I can't live
Living your lie

So I still love
Your starful eyes
Can only try to
Forget
And I hope you think 'bout
That starful night
When you look up at
A starnights sky

©Winkie

Winkie
05-07-2006, 21:54
Actually, this is the first thing I wrote in English and was actually proud of. It was written some time ago, in November '03

Left Alone

I feel your hands
Everywhere, always
I’m left alone with you,
And there’s nowhere left to go.

Your gaze on me,
Every minute, every hour.
Just a second,
Left alone with you

You stare at me,
Every minute, every hour.
Just a moment,
Without you.

Just a second,
Without sleeping.
Just a minute,
Without nightmares.

To be honest,
I don’t want you.
But we all know,
I can’t stop it.

Just a minute.
Just a moment, just a second.
Just some time,
Seems an eternity.

Just my luck,
Just a change.
Just some words,
I try to understand.

I feel your hands,
Everywhere, always.
I’m left alone with you,
And there’s nowhere left to go…

©Winkie

Kyro
05-07-2006, 22:15
Two more great ones there, Winkie! :done: 'Starnight' is just so sad and beautiful, and 'Left Alone' is great too! You got talent!

Winkie
05-07-2006, 22:42
Thank you *blushes* I found some other ones too, but they're all in dutch.. Ah well, I'll post one anyway (A), because I like them, and people think it's a funny language ;) So have fun looking at my funny language ;)

Raadselachtig en verloren
Aan de rand van het water naar de dood
De angst is weerspiegeld in haar ogen
Haar rug vol met striemen, kwetsbaar, bloot

Ze wacht eenzaam op het einde
Dat haar uit haar lijden verlost
Want wat is nu het nut van haar leven
Als haar vader haar dagelijks afrost

Het water des doods is koud en zwart
Helder als sterren, donker als de nacht
Ze verlangt naar haar einde
De rust en stilte die haar al verwacht

Verdrietig en eenzaam
Probeert ze een eind aan haar leven te maken
Probeert ze wanhopig
Haar adem te stoppen, haar hartslag te staken

Kopje onder in de kou
Die haar als een geliefde omarmt
Haar kwetst tot in het diepst van haar ziel
Maar haar ook vol vertrouwen verwarmt

Bloed stroomt uit wonden op haar armen
Huilend zakt ze ineen tegen de muur van de spijt
Smekend om vergeving, vragend voor begrip
Want die ene luisterende vriend, wil zij niet kwijt

Elke keer opnieuw verdrinkt ze in eenzaamheid, kou en pijn
Drie oude bekenden
Ze begroet ze als haar vrienden en familie
Ze heeft toch niemand anders, tot wie zij zich kan wenden..

©Winkie

Kyro
05-07-2006, 22:54
So have fun looking at my funny language

I had a lot of fun trying to read it! :p I don't know why it looks so strange to me, but every time I look at it I just laugh!

Winkie
05-07-2006, 23:00
Hehe I can try to translate it but I think it'd lose the flow.. But I'll give it a try, okay? And it would lose the "special, double meanings"


Raadselachtig en verloren
Aan de rand van het water naar de dood
De angst is weerspiegeld in haar ogen
Haar rug vol met striemen, kwetsbaar, bloot

Mysterious and lost
On the edge of the water to death
The fear is being mirrored in her eyes
Her back full of lashes, vulnerable, naked

Ze wacht eenzaam op het einde
Dat haar uit haar lijden verlost
Want wat is nu het nut van haar leven
Als haar vader haar dagelijks afrost

She's lonely, waiting for the end
To help her out of her suffering
Cuz what's the meaning of her life
When her dad hits her every day

Het water des doods is koud en zwart
Helder als sterren, donker als de nacht
Ze verlangt naar haar einde
De rust en stilte die haar al verwacht

The water of death is cold and black
Bright as the stars, dark as the night
She's longing for her end
The silence and comfort that are already expecting her

Verdrietig en eenzaam
Probeert ze een eind aan haar leven te maken
Probeert ze wanhopig
Haar adem te stoppen, haar hartslag te staken

Sad and lonesome
Is she trying to end her life
Is she trying desperately
To stop her breathing, to quit her heartbeat

Kopje onder in de kou
Die haar als een geliefde omarmt
Haar kwetst tot in het diepst van haar ziel
Maar haar ook vol vertrouwen verwarmt

Going under in the cold
That embraces her as a lover
Hurts her in the deepest part of her soul
But also embraces her full of trust

Bloed stroomt uit wonden op haar armen
Huilend zakt ze ineen tegen de muur van de spijt
Smekend om vergeving, vragend voor begrip
Want die ene luisterende vriend, wil zij niet kwijt

Blood's flowing from wounds on her arms
Crying she falls against the wall of regret
Begging for forgiveness, asking for understanding
Cuz that one listening friend, she doesn't want to lose

Elke keer opnieuw verdrinkt ze in eenzaamheid, kou en pijn
Drie oude bekenden
Ze begroet ze als haar vrienden en familie
Ze heeft toch niemand anders, tot wie zij zich kan wenden..

Every time again she drowns in loneliness, cold, and pain
Three familiar faces
She greets them as her friends and family
After all, she doesn't have anyone else, to go to..

It loses it's flow and "magic" but this is basically what it says

©Winkie

Kyro
05-07-2006, 23:09
It loses it's flow and "magic" but this is basically what it says

If that's not as good as it is in Dutch, then I really wanna learn Dutch! :gigi: That's amazing even like that, so I can't even imagine how good it is before translation!

Winkie
05-07-2006, 23:14
If that's not as good as it is in Dutch, then I really wanna learn Dutch! :gigi: That's amazing even like that, so I can't even imagine how good it is before translation!

You know, I'm more fluent in Dutch, I know more words.. Also words that fit better in it, although they have the same meaning.. :) In my opinion, it's way better in Dutch..

Obie
05-07-2006, 23:19
My Heroine



Save me..
From the hurting in my heart
Save me..
From the pain drawn in your eyes
Oh save me..

Save me.. I'll be your heroine
Save me.. I am your victim
Save me..


I love this part,, oh Winkie,, u made me fall in love with those lines,,,,,,,

Winkie
05-07-2006, 23:22
I'm having fun translating, so I'll continue (A) If you guys don't mind, that is..

Eén enk’le traan teveel..
One single tear too much

Je blijft hezelfde
Je ziet niet in hoe ik me voel
Ik trek de muren van steen om mijn hart weer op
Ik probeer je niet te laten zien
Dat de tranen blijven stromen

You stay the same
You don't see how I feel
I'm pulling up the walls of stone around my heart again
I'm trying not to show you
That the tears keep on flowing

De tranen blijven binnen in me
Het gat met steenkoud ijs is terug
Ik dacht echt dat het was verdwenen
Maar blijkbaar is het een deel van mijn leven
En mijn tranen blijven stromen

The tears stay inside of me
The hole with freezing ice is back
I really thought it disappeared
But apparently it's a part of my life
And my tears keep on flowing

Ik trek de muren op om mijn hart
Probeer te doen alsof je me niet raakt
Elk gevoel blok ik uit
Mijn blik wordt van steen
Maar mijn tranen blijven stromen

I'm pulling up the walls around my heart
Try to act as if you don't hit me
I'm blocking out every feeling
My gaze turns into stone
But my tears keep on flowing

Houden van is wat ik doe
Ik houd van jou houd jij van mij?
Of vraag ik dan teveel vraag ik mij af
Als ik het mes in mijn polsen zet
Terwijl mijn tranen blijven stromen

Loving is what I do
I love you do you love me?
Or do I ask too much, is what I ask myself
When I'm putting the knife in my wrists
While my tears keep on flowing

Bloedrode tranen stromen over mijn polsen
Angstig en verloren kijk ik ernaar
Ben ik deze keer dan te ver gegaan?
Je hebt me te diep in mijn ziel geraakt en verwond
De wonden gaan naar de buitenkant toe dit maal
Terwijl bloedrode tranen blijven stromen

Bloodred tears flow over my wrists
Scared and lost am I looking at it
Did I go too far this time
You hit and hurted me too deep in my soul
The wounds are on the outside this time
While the tears keep on flowing

Je komt naar me toe je schreeuwt en roept
Maar bereiken doe je mij al niet meer
Deze keer ben ik te fel gekwetst
Heb me voorgoed van je afgewend
Je denkt dat ik geen gevoel meer heb
Terwijl jij ziet hoe rode tranen blijven stromen

You're coming to me you're screaming and shouting
But you can't reach me anymore
This time I was hurt too bad
Turned away from you forever
You think I don't have any feelings left
While you see how red tears keep on flowing

Eén keer te hard gekwetst
Eén keer niet bestand tegen jouw geweld
Eén keer kon ik het niet meer hebben
Eén keer kon ik er niet meer tegen
Eén keer..
Eén enk’le traan teveel..

One time hurt too much
One time not able to stand your violence
One time I had enough
One time I couldn't take it anymore
One time
One single tear too much

©Winkie

Winkie
05-07-2006, 23:24
I love this part,, oh Winkie,, u made me fall in love with those lines,,,,,,,
Well, at least that's one good thing coming from that song ;) So thank you.. :)

Kyro
05-07-2006, 23:50
I'm having fun translating, so I'll continue (A) If you guys don't mind, that is..


Translate as much as you like, I'll read it all :)

I really like that last one, especially
My gaze turns into stone
But my tears keep on flowing
I love that image.

If you don't mind me asking, are these songs all autobiographical?

Winkie
05-07-2006, 23:54
Hmm.. I don't mind you asking.. :)
Actually, all of them are autobiographical somehow. Not all the things in it, though.. For example:

Cuz what's the meaning of her life
When her dad hits her every day

My dad did not hit me ;) But a friend of mine, her dad did hit her. So well, I just put that part in it.. But besides that, they're all autobiographical yeah..

roysolid2
15-07-2006, 12:53
they are great :) :)
can I use them in my wallpapers
some of the words romantic
i think tatu should use them
you should work with them:coctail: ;)

Winkie
20-07-2006, 19:15
they are great
can I use them in my wallpapers
some of the words romantic
i think tatu should use them
you should work with them

I sent you a personal message about this.. :)

Winkie
10-08-2006, 15:06
Well.. I wrote this one in December.. It's about.. Well, just read it and tell me what you guys think it's about okay? Winner gets a kiss.. (or not, if he/she does not want to have one :p)

A black door

I walked out of a door tonight
A door to my dreams, and it's black
My feelings are empty, my hope is gone
You stole my dreams, why won't you take my life?

You walked out of my dream last month
You killed me - almost - , left me bleeding and freezing.
I'm empty, I can't feel nor think.
You left me and I don't think I will survive

That door to my dreams, it's so black now.
I'm feeling so empty and I'm feeling so cold.
All hope is gone, the memories fade.
You stole my dreams, why won't you take my life?

There are simply no tears
left in my eyes.
I stare up at the sky.
I look at you and smile.

Cause you took my dreams, but gave back my life.
You can take your love away, but you cannot stop mine.
You've decided to leave, but you'll never be gone.
The memory is always there.

But just like the way ice melts, do memories fade..
Don't they..?!

©Winkie

Mary-sheccid
10-08-2006, 17:57
very Talented!.

Winkie
10-08-2006, 18:27
Thank you

Mary-sheccid
10-08-2006, 23:41
:D Thank you

you are very talented!.. right is the truth!.!!.. .. don`t be modest!..well..

check this:

the water is blue, the sky too..
the moon is white, the snow too..
im very cool and you too!:D :D

jajajajaja-- lol...lol... this is my poem!!! :D

Winkie
11-08-2006, 18:52
Yeah.. Cool.. But I think I've read that one before, so not very original :) ;)

Mary-sheccid
11-08-2006, 18:58
lol.:D . yes ... i learn this poem in the kindergarden!.. i just wanna be funny .. but you are so deep!... ..im sorry..:bum:

Winkie
16-08-2006, 15:24
Now I can see what I truelly meant to you
It seems as if nothing hurts me
But inside I feel so torn
Everything around me changes
But somehow I try to stay the same
And it hurts

I wish I could tell you how I really feel
But I know I will lose you again if I try
I wish I could show you what you truelly deserve
But I know you'd rather die than let me do that
And somehow I can't feel anymore
But that hurts

I wish I could tell you and know you'd feel the same
I wish I could live in dreams and never wake up
I wish I could stay in the past
Cuz my future seems so empty now
I wish I could show what it truelly means
To love

Nothing seems to matter now
When I picture you with him
I wish I still had a chance
But I know I lost you
Lost you for good this time
Lost you forever
In the haunting of my dreams

It hurts so much to think
It hurts so much to feel
I wish I could go numb again
You woke me up yesterday
Now you've killed me again
What is it with you and hurting me?

I wish I could show you my love



©Winkie - 16/08/06

Agnes
16-08-2006, 16:19
Your poems are so sad but very beautiful. Do you write only when you are hurt or do you have any happy poems?

Winkie
16-08-2006, 17:35
Sometimes when I'm happy, but most of the times when I'm sad or hurt or lonely, or something else that makes me feel depressed. It's a way to get rid of that feeling.. :) It doesn't always help, but it feels better to write it down, because then I won't have to carry it all with me..

the unforgiven
16-08-2006, 17:58
omg !! Anne, that's so beautiful
here's for you :rose:

Winkie
17-08-2006, 14:26
:rose: Thank you.. :) Well.. I think you know who it is about, right? ;)

Winkie
04-10-2006, 19:22
Right, I feel like writing but I don't know a subject.. Soo this is just something I'm thinking of.. I might be editing it a few more times, but hey.. I'm never satisfied (when it comes to writing, that is :lalala: )

So here goes: (italic text is the translation)

Ik wilde dat ik je een keer kon vertellen
Hoezeer ik om je geef en hoe ik me voel van binnen
Ik wilde dat ik je een keer kon vertellen
Hoe erg het voelt alsof ik sterft

I wish I could tell you one time
How much I care about you and how I feel on the inside
I wish I could tell you one time
How bad it feels to die

Mijn longen lijken te verbranden in het licht
Mijn ogen zijn vervuld van duisternis
Schaduwen en duisternis verbergen mij nog steeds
Verbergen wat ik voel en wie ik werk'lijk ben

My lungs seem to burn in the light
My eyes are filled with darkness
Shadows and darkness still hide me
Hide what I feel and who I truelly am

Mijn lichaam lijkt te smelten in de zon
Mijn handen voelen niks
En liefde glipt als zand tussen mijn vingers door
Ontastbaar, onaanraakbaar, ongenaakbaar

My body seems to melt in sunlight
My hands can't feel a thing
And love is slipping in between my fingers, just like sand
I can't touch it, I can't feel it, I can't change it

En meer dan alles zie ik door verwrongen oogleden
Hoe alles om me heen lijkt te baden in het licht
Hoe jij lacht en speelt en vrijt met hem
Terwijl ik hier verborgen in de schaduw leef

And through distorted eyelids I can see
How everything around me bathes in light
How you laugh and play and sleep with him
While I live here hidden in the darkness

Ik klaag niet meer ik zeur niet meer
Ik aanvaard het nu in stilte
Als jij gelukkig bent vind ik het goed
En trek mij terug in de schaduwen

I won't complain no more, I won't nag no more
I can accept it and stay silent
When you're happy, I'm okay
And I will withdraw myself into the shadows

©Winkie

I don't have a good feeling about it.. But it's the best I can think of now.. :^)

the unforgiven
04-10-2006, 19:28
En liefde glipt als zand tussen mijn vingers door
that's so beautiful :dead: it's one of the only sentence I understand without reading the translation :p

you're so lovely *pecks*
such a good writer

Winkie
04-10-2006, 19:30
that's so beautiful :dead: it's one of the only sentence I understand without reading the translation :p
You're the best :D :p And your Dutch is pretty damn good, considering the fact that I hardly speak French at all :p

you're so lovely *pecks*
such a good writer
I want to go back to writing stories but I don't know any subjects, and I don't have time -_-' Thanks to my lovely college who thinks it's "cool" to make us work till 3 o'clock in the morning, in order to do all our homework -_-'

the unforgiven
04-10-2006, 19:34
You're the best And your Dutch is pretty damn good, considering the fact that I hardly speak French at all
yay I know I'm too clever hehe :p you may don't speak french but I bet you know how to use your tongue *wiiiiink*

Thanks to my lovely college who thinks it's "cool" to make us work till 3 o'clock in the morning, in order to do all our homework -_-'
omg!! it sucks
good luck beautiful, btw try to enter the Erasmus program and come to France, College here is just another word to say laziness loool (it depends of the studies of course)

kusjes sacht !! :gigi:

Winkie
04-10-2006, 19:54
yay I know I'm too clever hehe :p you may don't speak french but I bet you know how to use your tongue *wiiiiink*
I'm not answering that (A)

omg!! it sucks
good luck beautiful, btw try to enter the Erasmus program and come to France, College here is just another word to say laziness loool (it depends of the studies of course)

kusjes sacht !! :gigi:

Yeah it really sucks, but next year I'll do CMV, which is slightly different from the study I do now (right now is just an orientation year), and that rocks :D I'll go to Denmark for 3 months, and the studies are just way too easy :D I can't wait!

Kusjes schat ;)

the unforgiven
04-10-2006, 20:08
I'm not answering that (A)

hehe, are you having fun under your shower? loool
please answer to this lil' question :D I'm just curious

Yeah it really sucks, but next year I'll do CMV, which is slightly different from the study I do now (right now is just an orientation year), and that rocks I'll go to Denmark for 3 months, and the studies are just way too easy I can't wait!
it sounds like a good plan
if I don't change my orientation next year, I could go to Canada, Spain or England hehe so cool

doeidoei lekker ding I try to do my best to remember what you've learnt to me

Winkie
05-10-2006, 07:44
How can I use my own tongue on myself? :p I'm sorry, but I don't reach that :p

And well.. I don't remember what I've learnt yuo, to be honest (A) Besides some small Dutch sentences..

Winkie
09-10-2006, 17:31
Short story

Het blijft donker om me heen. Soms betwijfel ik of het duister van buitenaf komt. Of van binnen in mij. Als ik mijn ogen sluit, voel ik niks anders dan koude, koele duisternis. Duisternis die mij langzaam naar zich toe trekt sinds die ene dag. Die ene seconde.
Als ik mijn ogen sluit, en ik probeer de mist die over mijn herinneringen hangt, weg te jagen, kan ik die ene dag herleven.
Een mooie, warme augustusmiddag. Een van die dagen waarop je de zomer kan ruiken. Zoet, geurend hooi, uitgestrekte weiden, omringd door bossen die langverzochte verkoeling brengen bij een vennetje.
Zo'n dag was het. Maar ik woon in een stad. In zo'n wijk met flatgebouwen zonder één stukje groen. Zo'n wijk waar de warmte blijft hangen tussen de gebouwen. Waar je 's middags niemand op straat ziet. Hij en ik hadden afgesproken in een garagebox, verkoeling zoekend. Uit de radio die we konden horen speelde "rock you baby", en het nummer leek perfect te passen bij de zomerhitte.
Ja, de dag startte goed. Toen had ik nog niet kunnen verwachten dat ik die avond verscheurd thuis zou komen, verlangend naar warmte en liefde. Dromend van klamme, dunne handen die tastend onder mijn kleren bewogen. Mijn schreeuw, vermoord in mijn keel.
Sinds die middag leef ik in de duisternis. Tastend glijden mijn vingers over mijn licht opbollende buik. "Victor", kreun ik, en ik breng de fles vodka naar mijn lippen. Liggend op mijn rug kijk ik naar de sterrenhemel. Mijn hand blijft op mijn buik liggen en ik voel het beginnende leven onder mijn vingers. Ik walg, ik wil dat leven niet. Ik wil het uit me, en ik wil hier weg.
Ver onder me hoor ik de auto's langs de flatgebouwen rijden. Niemand weet dat ik hier lig, op het dak. Ik glimlach en sta op. Enigzins waggelend door de vodka loop ik naar de rand. Als ik daar ben, loop ik door. Dood was ik toch al. Het kost maar een seconde om een leven te vernietigen.

©Winkie

It stays dark around me. Sometimes I doubt whether the darkness comes from the outside, or the inside of me. When I close my eyes, I feel nothing but cool, cold darkness. Darkness that keeps pulling myself towards it ever since that one day. Ever since that one second.
When I close my eyes, and I try to erase the smoke that's been clouded over my memories, I can relive that day.
A beautiful, hot August afternoon. One of those days where you can smell the summer. Sweet smelling hay, large pastures, surrounded by forrests that offer that coolness that you've been looking for, near a pond.
Yeah, the day started well. At that time I could not suspect that I'd come home destroyed that evening, looking for love and warmth. Dreaming of clammy, thin fingers that moved under my clothes in a searching way. My scream, killed in my throat.
Yeah, it was such a day. But I live in the city. In a neighbourhoud with appartment building without trees, gras, or anything. Such a neighbourhood where the warmth of the day stays 'till late in the evening. Where you don't see anyone on the streets in the afternoon. He and I wanted to meet in a basement, looking for some cold. We could hear a radio, playing "rock you baby". It seemed to fit in with this summerheat.
Ever since that afternoon, I've been living in darkness. My fingers are sliding over my slightly growing stomach. I moan "Victor", and I bring the bottle of Vodka to my lips again. I am laying on my back and I am watching the stars. My hand stays on my tummy and I can feel the life starting to grow underneath them. I feel disgusted. I don't want that life. I want it out of me, and I want to leave this place.
Far beneath me, I can hear the cars driving through the streets. Nobody knows I'm laying here, on the roof. I smile and get up. A little bit clumsy cuz of the vodka, I walk to the edge. When I get there, I walk on. I was dead already anyway. It only takes a second, to destroy a life.

©Winkie

the unforgiven
10-10-2006, 22:21
Winkie, aaaaaaaawww your story is amazing :eek:
you're so talented, I'm a big fan

go on like this

Winkie
11-10-2006, 21:02
Thnx.. :) :rose:

Winkie
27-10-2006, 22:00
Open letter to Joost..

And I keep thinking about Mark when I saw him in the towncenter, and about Joost.. I don't know. I hate the guy who did it. I hate him I hate him I hate him. But I don't want to! Cuz a negative connection is also a connection. And I don't want that. I miss Joost so bad..
Louis asked if I wanted to go to querelle tonight, but I can't. Might sound stupid but, everything there, every fucking chair, centimeter on the dancfloor, doesnt matter what, reminds me of Joost and Mark and everything, all the times we were having fun there, every time we were dancing together. Every time he came to me with his puppyface and asked for money for a beer and asking if I might have a cig for you. He stole that puppylook frmo me. All the times I was dancing with Mark or Meine and that at once I felt a hand on my ass and turned around and saw you standing there, feeling locked out.and how I put my arms around your neck and took you with me on the dancfloor, how we drank a beer together and shared a cig and how we didnt let go of one another all through the night.
All the times how i sat in your lap, tired from dancing, against the wall. your arms around my middle, my arms around your neck.i miss you so bad joost. and i can't believe it, i dont want to believe it. i want you to come back. to walk into querelle and be okay..
People have asked me if i want to celebrate christmas in querelle this year, like last year, but i dont think so. it will never be the way it used to be.. with you, ramon, nina, mark, meine, and amber.. so many things have happened this past year to our group, but this was def. the worst..
I remember so many things. so much things i couldnt remember, but i do now. the talks we´ve had at the lake, at the tapas restaurant, when you came to pick me up after school, every time in querelle. it must have been douzens of times, but right now it seems like one dark night, with some scary ending..
There are so many things i wish i would have told you.. so many things we wanted to do.. we had so many plans, so many things we were going to do together, where we wanted to go together. and I know.. your body is gone, but you´re still with me in my heart. you´re only truelly dead when everybody has forgotten about you, and we can never forget you.. therefor, you were too much one of our group, a part of us. and you still are. there is an empty spot in our middle, and nobody can handle that, or replace you. we miss you so bad..
we miss the boy who came to us whenever he saw us.. you never said a simple `hi` and walked on. No, you always came to us, hugged everyone, kissed the girls, and told us how much you cared about us, how we were never allowed to forget that, never allowed to forget how much you loved us. stupid, but whenever i think of that now, how you kept telling us that every time, it feels like you knew you´d leave at once.
There are so many things we were going to do together Joost. We were going to Leiden or Utrecht this holiday, we were going to the lake one eve one of these days, to smoke a joint and watch the stars. You were going to play me a song on your guitar. But it's not going to happen. It will never ever happen..
You were only 22 for god's sake Joost! That's way too early to die! I don't want to lose any more friends to death. You'd think that after everyone it would've been enough, but no, you had to go too. I dont understand. Yeah, sometimes you had some extremistic idea's, but they were never in the way. You loved all your friends the way they were, and these kinds of things were never in between us. You were interested in my point of view, as I was in yours. We've had such great discussions.. I will miss them. I will miss your opinion. I will miss everything about you. I miss your arms around my middle, the way you hugged me and kissed my neck all the time, the ways you've tried to flirt with me, every time I saw you.. :P But it didn't always work out hahahaha.. It truelly was a game between you and me. I miss it boy! I miss it so bad! I miss your hugs and your conversations. I miss your eyes and I miss your kisses! I want another kiss Joost. I want a kiss, the kind of kiss only you could give.. Such an incredible sweet "You're a very special girl" kiss.. And a hug with that, and a hand that took my tears away when I couldnt handle things any more. And now they keep on flowing, but you're not here to kiss them away. Why not?
Dear Joost, I don't know where you are now, but I hope, that whereever it might be, you're happy there..
Like you said once: "I think dying is worse for the ones left behind, than for the one who's dying". I don't know what you went through, but it's so bad for us Joost. It hurts so bad..
It's killing me, even my folks notice, and you know, they hardly notice negative things with me.. But they do now. I hardly sleep anymore, I hardly eat, I lose weight like crazy and look like a dead one.. Ain't it lovely..?
But dear dear dear Joost.. I hope you're so happy, where ever you are, and I hope.. That you didn't suffer too much, and I hope you know we all miss you so bad and we love you like crazy.. And that, when I'm there where you are now, we're gonna party like hell, we're gonna have a great time.
Dear Joost, I love you, and I miss you. And none of those will disappear soon. Probably never.. But I will survive this, I will get through. You know that too. But please know, that you'll have a place in my heart and in my head forever, and that I miss you so incredibly bad..
Dear Joost, sleep tight..

Kisses, Anne

mad_for_lena
28-10-2006, 02:57
wow...thats great Winkie your very talented :) :rose:

Kyro
28-10-2006, 12:28
Winkie, that's so beautiful and sad it actually made me cry a little. You've reminded me just how much I love my friends, so thank you for that :) I really hope things become at least a little easier for you soon. I don't really know you, but I know you'll be ok.

Winkie
28-10-2006, 15:31
Thank you Kyro. I hope I can remind everyone of the fact that people who care about you are just too special to let go.. Just tell 'em how much you care, because you'll never know if you can tell them another time.. There might not always be a tomorrow..

Katoren
28-10-2006, 16:01
I don't think this will help whatsoever, but that made me cry. I just couldn't control it, I started crying for your letter, and then I kept on crying, no idea why.

Anyway... Anne, you're simply special. I can't help but really hoping you'll be fine...

Winkie
28-10-2006, 16:34
*hugs Katoren*
I will be fine, maybe not fine, but I'll be okay.. I won't let this destroy me.. :) We have to live on, even if it's just for Joost.. But it feels so bad.. I went out last night, to the café we always went to, and I talked to people.. So many memories.. So many people who cared.. So many thoughts. I can't even voice it.. :)
We'll have a ceremony with all his friends, because there can't be a funeral..
Like a friend said: when you are waiting for news about one of your friends, every second seems like an eternity. and I think that's so true. When you care about someone, and there's something wrong with them, time seems to slow down and I feel like time hasn't even moved since the 3th of october

the unforgiven
28-10-2006, 16:49
as I said last night, your letter is really moving
now I wanna say to every single friend I have that I care about them, show them how important they are for me
*hugs you my lovely Anne*

Winkie
28-10-2006, 22:21
Do just that.. :) Maybe it sounds stupid but let them know, doesnt matter if you tell them, show them, send them a card, just let them know somehow.. :)

Winkie
07-11-2006, 20:46
My eyes

I could still recall the moment
I could still recall the day
It was like nothing ever happened
The moment you walked into my life

But still it seems like a bad story
When I tell you how my life has been
About the abuse and the hurt
About the bruises and the scars

I'm not as old as you think I am
I'm not as young as my face says I am
I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am

And I know that you think you know me
But you don't know anything
How can I ever tell you what happened
With all those men with all those wounds?

How can you ever deal with my past?
How can these scars and wounds ever heal?
I can't even imagine being here alive
When all I used to want was die

I'm not as old as you think I am
I'm not as young as my face says I am
I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am

My eyes have seen way too much sorrow
My eyes have watched just too much pain
Sometimes I wish I could be blind and turn my eyes away

I'm not as old as you think I am
I'm not as young as my face says I am
I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am

I'm not as old as you think I am
I'm not as young as my face says I am
I'm just as old as my eyes tell you I am

©Winkie

the unforgiven
07-11-2006, 21:01
P.E.R.F.E.C.T as always :kwink:

Winkie
07-11-2006, 21:06
Thanks sweety ;) :D :rose:

Dj_Volk
27-11-2006, 19:11
OMG, they're so perfect... im in love with them!!!
Its Official... im Winkie's Fan

Can u give me an autograph, please? :rose:

the unforgiven
27-11-2006, 19:18
Its Official... im Winkie's Fan
:flag: me too

Anne, je bent zo lief :p I love this sentence

Winkie
09-12-2006, 22:59
Awww *blushes*

Can I have my own fanclub too? (A)

And DJ-Volk, I looove your signature, this part:
I Will Make Me A Willow Cabin At Your Gate
And Call Upon My Soul Within The House

Lost & Delirious is the best movie ever and I love that part of it where Paulie says that before she jumps, so sad, so beautiful *cries*

Winkie
09-12-2006, 23:04
Ok trying to think of a new one :)

I can't

I can't really tell
Who I am these days
I can't really know
Why I feel this way

I have to say I'm sorry
For hurting ev'ryone
I have to say I care
Because somehow I still do

But I hate myself
And I hate my life
And I hate my feelings
And I hate these days

And I feel like I should draw with blood
And I feel like I should care way less
And I feel like I should quit this life
And I feel like I should stop right now

But I know
I know
I can't

I can't feel
I can't go numb
I want to feel ice
I want to feel ice flow over my wrists

But I can't
I can't do anything
Am I just another failure?
Am I just another loser?

And I can't tell you
Just how much I care
And I can't tell you
Just how bad I feel

And I can't
I can't do anything right
Cuz I can't
I can't tell you who I truly am

And I feel so bad
For hurting you like I did
And I feel so screwed
You hurt me more than anyone else

But I feel so good
When I imagine you're here
And I feel so bad
When I wake up and my bed is empty

And all the time I imagine you're here
And all the time my bed stays empty
And all the time I know you're with him
But all these times I just want you here

But you can't
And I can't
You're not here
You don't care

And I can't tell you just how much I care
And you can't tell me cuz you don't care
And I want to love kiss touch feel taste you right now
But I can't
I just can't see the truth

©Winkie

And Nais, this one was inspired by your userpic :p The "I can't see"-part.. :p Just wanted to let you know.

Winkie
09-12-2006, 23:26
Scars

And it's time to let you know
To let you see who's really me
And it's time to truly find out
To watch and see me bleed

Watch me bleed my love for you
Cuz a scar's something that stays with you forever
And a scar's something that says more than words can ever tell

So now it's time to hide forever
Time to run into the woods and change
I have to save you and you're the only one
The only one I ever truly loved

Watch me bleed my love for you
Cuz scars they never change
They never fade away

So now you lay beside me
Dreaming watching never changing
Life seemed so good those times
But those times are slowly fading
And a scar's the only souvenir I have

And life is always changing
And I feel I'm standing still
Standing in the middle while the world just keeps on changing
And a scar's the only thing that stays for ever

So watch me bleed my love for you
I'll scream to you no matter where you are
And I will always find you
And you can hide beside me for ever 'till eternity

And now we'll stay together
Nothing can change this moment
And I will always find you
And you can hide beside me for ever 'till eternity

And we'll drown in an ocean filled with sorrow
An ocean filled with tears
But scars will always stay beside you
They're the only thing you'll never lose

©Winkie

the unforgiven
12-12-2006, 20:17
*faints*
best poems ever! and my avatar inspires you *blushes* hehe
you rock babe and you know it!!

about the autograph on my tummy : it rocks! I've got something to brag about

Winkie
14-12-2006, 12:54
Good, glad it maked you happy hahaha.. :p
And thanks ;)

Winkie
08-01-2007, 00:24
I want to say that this is not my poem or song. This one is owned by the Goo Goo Dolls and the person who wrote it. But I'd like to post it here because I think it fits, because it was like "the song" of me and Joost, the guy I wrote a letter in this topic..

Goo Goo Dolls - Name

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell your name

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell your name

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell your name

It's been 3 months and 4 days and still no one knows where you are, but you are said to be dead. I miss you.

Winkie
17-02-2007, 23:20
Just some thoughts

And everything's okay and the world's smiling and so am I, right? Everything's cool. Maybe I should become an actress. I care about you and you don't see it. You know I love you and you refuse to see it, every second. You want him, and him, and him, and him. You want everyone, but you don't even see me. And you want to be able to talk to me about boys, and I don't want to risk a new fight, so I say yes, I say it's okay, I say it's fine, I say it doesn't hurt me. Of course it hurts me. The only thing that's changed is that I've become so good in hiding my pain that it only shows at moment you don't see it, moments like this. Moments when I put razors in my arm because I push that pain so far away that it can't get out anymore, unless it's in my blood and I can let go of my blood.
Why? There are moments when I want nothing but hold you, kiss you, never let you go again. You are so close, and so far away, and I don't even know why. I don't even know if I ever had a chance, or if it has been a lost game all the time. I don't understand why you faket your love for me, if you don't even like girls. I don't understand anything anymore, I don't know what to do with you, I want you to be happy, but I'm in so much pain. Everything hurts and I don't even know what I mean to you. Do you care about me at all, or am I just someone you happen to know?
Maybe I've just been too suspicious after her, but you've hurt me so much, I don't even know what I can think. I agree with everything because I'm afraid you'll be mad with me again. Mad because you're everything I look for in a girl. What I look for in a person. You never asked what Cris looked like or anything, but if you did, I wouldn't have been able to answer. What was I supposed to say? That he was a male you? Some male hippie, with the same view on life as you do? That I thought I liked him because I could project the feelings I had for you, towards him? Is that what I should have said? Do I have to say I date Pieter because then, maybe, I can forget about you? Because he's completely different from you. But I can't forget you and everything I say and do, everything I feel, reminds me of you. I want to forget you and at the same time, I want to cherrish every moment with you that I can remember, for ever. And you don't. You forget me, forgot me a long time ago and I don't know how to continue. You flirt with me, and you flirt with boys, you're claiming to be straight, and you've had a relationship with me, and your eyes never lied.
And I can't lie no more, not to myself. I'll keep listening, I'll keep supporting you, every minut of the day, every heartbeat, but I can't fool myself any longer, and my eyes, they don't act that well already. They shine, but not all the time anymore. And still I smile and act crazy and try to be happy, because if I don't, I'll lose you, I'll lose you for ever, also as a friend, and that's all I've got left right now. And I just know that whatever you do, no matter how you hurt me, or touch me, no matter how much pain you'll cause me, or how much you'll make me laugh, that you and me will always stay you and me, that there will be no we anytime soon. Maybe never, but that's too hard to write down. I'll stay me. You'll stay you. And we, that'll forever stay we. But it will no longer be us.

Winkie
28-03-2007, 17:58
My letter to you

Dear Joost,

They've finally got your murderer. Did you know he confessed today? I was kind of shocked, didn't expect for it to happen anymore. And now I also know the exact way you died and it's.. I can't even put into words just how sick it makes me feel. I really can't. It's pure horror and I can't imagine that any living creature is able to destroy someone else's life, body, everything, in such a way.
Did you also know that last week I was going through my msn-history and I found some old chats we had a year ago? About your birthday last year. You turned 22. This year, last friday, you would've turned 23. You never even made it. You never stood a chance. And all those things you said, they made me smile again. I was smiling and crying and I've never felt so double. I wish you were here and I could talk to you about all the things bothering me. It hurts so much to know that I'll never ever see you again. Maybe it just seems stupid but I always had this little spark of hope that maybe, somehow, you were alive, just somewhere else. That something happened to you and you had permanent memory loss and just didn't remember us. I know it's stupid, but that was all I could do. But now, now I know that you are truly dead and lost. That we can never bury your body, and that we'll have to live without you. And damn it that hurts so bad.
And I'm gonna stop here, I just hope they'll put that little fucker away forever and ever and ever, and I hope you're out there somewhere smiling down on me.
Love you!

Anne

Winkie
19-04-2007, 18:04
They found you. Thank god (?) they found you. At least, parts of you. I went to that place yesterday night, to bring you 10 white roses. I thought it wouldn't affect me much, after all, you didn't die there. But I couldn't stop crying. Stupid? Maybe. Honest? Yes.
I miss you. I hope someone out there knows that violence, hate, and racism should really stop. Right now.

the unforgiven
19-04-2007, 18:47
Winkie, *hugs* if you need to talk you know that I'm here for you :rose:

Winkie
20-04-2007, 15:41
Thanks :rose:

Winkie
20-04-2007, 15:44
Long Time / Fly Away

It's been a long time
And did you know that sometimes
I can't remember your smell?

It's been a long time
And did you know that sometimes
I wake up, feeling your body pressed up to mine?

It's been a while
And did you know that sometimes
I ask your opinion?

It's been a while
And it's just a small habit
But I still think about you at night

It's been ages
Since I last saw you
And I know I'll never see you again

Not in this life
Not in this life
So fly away now
To every place you want to go

It's been too long now

Winkie
03-05-2007, 21:11
I watch you as you fall asleep. Your hair is wet with sweat, sticking to your face, and your breathing is even. I smile at you, and I watch you smile in your sleep. I wonder. Could you be dreaming of me? But no, I realise. Those days are forever gone. Those nights will never come back. I smile, and somehow I manage not to cry as I watch you cuddle up to him.
You will never know. You will never know just how much I love and need you right now. Right here. I want to feel your arms and I want to feel your breath on my ear. I want to hear loving, soothing words, nonsense being mumbled into my ear. It will start tonight, I just know. I don't know what "it" might be, but I know "it" will start tonight. Maybe you'll come back to me, maybe I'll move on.
I wonder just how long love can last. Did you ever believe in me? In us? Don't you know I know what you said about me? Don't you know I know I meant nothing to you? And still, I love you. I'm so stupid and I hate myself for loving you, but I still do. You do something to me and I can't explain it. And I just wish you'd see what's right in front of you, always, waiting.

Once upon I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart

And I just hate myself for loving you. And I hate you for being you. And I hate myself for hating you for being you.

Winkie
31-08-2008, 01:09
Yaaay I'm still alive (though most of you won't care, I'm happy bout it).
So, what's up in my life? I moved! Right. So now I'm studying and since students never do shit, I'll have all the time in the world to write, right? I will, but you guys have to check something out for me. I moved to Maastricht (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maastricht), and I want you guys to check the wiki-page, just to tell me it's a lovely city cuz little Winkie tends to get homesick and needs to be reminded of how beautiful the city she now lives in is, and blablabla. Pwease? *puppy eyes*

the unforgiven
05-09-2008, 13:52
Anne Maastricht seems like an amazing city imo
enjoy your student status and your new "home"

born to be wild in Maastricht lol

dradeel
05-09-2008, 14:24
. I moved to Maastricht, and I want you guys to check the wiki-page, just to tell me it's a lovely city cuz little Winkie tends to get homesick and needs to be reminded of how beautiful the city she now lives in is, and blablabla. Pwease? *puppy eyes*I don't have to look at any wiki-page to tell you that, cause I KNOW it's a beautiful city! :kawai: It seems to be somewhat the same size as Trondheim, where I live, so in that case it should be a perfect city to live and study in. You'll forget you ever lived anywhere else in no time, I'm sure! :)

Winkie
03-10-2008, 10:06
It's been two years already..

Winkie
09-11-2008, 08:28
Letters

The letters appear on my screen one by one. Secretly each one of them kills me inside a little bit. The girl inside of me, the naive litte kid that was still hoping that all of it, one way or another, would be okay, is really giving in right now.
Those letters are right in front of me, but they don't get through. I ask one question after another, to convince myself that it's real. That it's not a joke. That it's definite. That I can forever push all hope out of the way.
I have to go. Get out of this place, get away from everything. In pure despair I text my friend, and he's coming. No, he's not. He's bitching me. I didn't just lose you, but also him, I feel it. I feel it from the letters in his message. "Get over it." I can't. "Find a reboundgirl." Got one. "I'm scoring." I'm not. I'm losing.
Oh no, he's coming. My mum's up already and sitting next to me on the ground while I throw it all out, cry, hate, complain. I hate not hating you. I didn't know Stifler told truths. I hate it to not hate you and I hate myself because I hate not hating you. Because I want to hate you. Because hate somehow makes the pain more bearable. Because when the hate's gone, so is the pain. I know. But I don't hate you. I hate myself. I hate myself for all the chances there have been. For how easy I've been. For how vulnerable I've been. For how sweet I've been. For the fucking fact that I love you.
He's standing on the doorstep and I throw all of my anger out of me. Against him and against you. But only against him. Depressed, we drink all of the wine and port that we can find at the time being, we just hang around on the couch and cry our eyes out. Then we move towards his house. J's coming over too. The three of us drink even more beer, cry, lach, and somehow I manage to smile. I fall asleep with my head on his tummy.
I wake up because of my own tears. I text a few friends and turn my phone off. I don't want to be disturbed. My folks've got his number. If they have to reach me, they will. But not right now, please. Because I hate myself at the moment. Me and everything around me. I want to throw, scream, kick, hit and run. I want it all, everything as long as it clears my head. As long as it makes me hate. As long as it makes me feel exhausted.
And he falls asleep behind me. I don't have the heart to wake him. Why would I? What stuff did talking ever solve? Words often ruin things even more. Letters ruin everything. It takes a night to hope, even though that hope is based on nothing. It takes a second to destroy a thought. And now all I wonder is how long it'll take me to get myself back together.

But I think it's about
Forgiveness, forgiveness.
Even if, even if
You don't love me anymore.